Relationships

Tonight was a weird one.

Anyway, long story short, it was just my parents and me for dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant. For some reason, my mum starts asking me about Hans and our relationship, and how I knew I was sure about him. Asking me if I'm in it because there was no one else, or if I felt obliged to stay after so long; if there's no one in university or church, if I'm not leaving myself up to the possibility of anyone else. I know she asked these questions out of concern (and maybe there's something going on with my sister and her husband which is why my mum is worried and wants to be sure), but like damn, these were questions I had to deal with inside myself when Hans and I were really going to have to go the full 8000 miles apart.

That sort of self-doubt was not a good time lol I even remember messaging Hans about it, about all the "what if"s, and even that was upsetting for him. And it's not something I want to put him through again.

Another issue she raised, was that she felt it better if she did what her dad did, which is to get the other person to be baptised. I understood where she was coming from: it would make things a lot easier if he understood me on my wavelength, but again, that was another issue I already knew I had to deal with. He knows that, too, what with me casually slipping it into conversations and whatnot lol

Anyway, being overwhelmed by those questions (and the feelings I had attached to them that my mum had no chance to know about anyway I don't blame her) I tried hard not to cry. (my seafood stew was salty enough. if I wanted more I'd just ask the waitress to add the salt for me thanks) My mum apologised.

While eating, I was trying to understand why she was asking such questions. Was it because on the surface I didn't seem like I was that interested in him? I mean it was possible, considering that I was never really touchy-feely in front of my family when he was around, nor do I say much about our relationship since it's already hard enough to just find time to chat with each other.

And then I wondered why I myself was like that. I think for so long, I had just put up a front, trying not to be emotional or "give anything away", mostly 'cos I don't want to end up a blubbering mess just because I'm emotionally overwhelmed. Then I thought maybe I'm like that 'cos at some point, I didn't feel comfortable telling my family things that were important to me and emotionally special to me, Hans being one of them. (I guess it was the few times I remembered my siblings getting in trouble and the anger that resulted that terrifies me lol) Anyway, I thought the solution would be write a message to my mum, telling her how I felt about him, and that the reason I had been quiet about it is 'cos I didn't feel safe to express myself before.

But boy was I wrong.

As soon as we got home, it was my dad who approached me first. Basically, he came to tell me that he didn't agree with what my mum did, and that it wasn't the right time and place to have such a discussion, and that sometimes you can't always be sure in relationships. But, he said, if there was anything to take away, was about sharing the same faith. I can't exactly remember what he said about it, but he mentioned things like he knew of inter-faith marriages that worked, and that if my faith was something important to me, then it's something I would need to think about.

He was pretty emotional. I think that was 'cos he was felt my pain when I felt like I was being "attacked". Or maybe it's some concern spilling over from my sister's situation. Whatever it was, it was very much needed on my end, to see him emotional and vulnerable with me, something so rare to see. (but damn, if my dad cries, you know something hit him hard.) Ultimately, he wanted to comfort and reassure me and tell me he loved me, which I am very grateful for.

Then my mum came up, about an hour later, as I was writing this. At least by then, I was in a better position, and I knew, or well at least thought, where she was coming from. She doesn't doubt Hans and me, and in fact, thinks that things could be strengthened even more. She's concerned about my future, if I'm going to go to church alone, and when we have kids, who's going to do the faith formation, things like that. She doesn't deny that it's possible for a person's spouse to convert later during the marriage, but that it would be great if we started life together on the same foot.

I don't disagree with anything she says, I just personally know that pursuing the Catholic faith isn't something he would do on his own. I think he's open to experiencing and eventually learning about the faith, but if he does pursue it, it would be with me, which I'm happy to do. The boy needs a helping hand, and I'm the person for that lol

By this point, during the course of writing this post and after hearing what my parents had to say, I know the problem isn't so much Hans and/or me, but probably an issue that popped up concerning my sister. I say this for multiple reasons, like the last time my dad was visibly emotional was concerning my sister and her husband. But I don't really think it's my place to say anything else, considering that I don't have the full story about it, especially since the small bits I know has nothing to do with religion.

So uh, yeah. What I thought was going to be an emotional rollercoaster about my relationship with Hans and in turn my relationship with my parents. But it turns out they're more concerned about in the possibility it's not for the best, probably 'cos my sister is going through a rough patch in her own relationship. I don't know what's going on with her, but at least on my end, I know that it's an issue I'll need to revisit again.