It's kinda hard to believe that it's already the end of March, huh? In just two days, I'll be flying off to France. People ask me if I'm excited for it, to which I usually say "eh" and shrug my shoulders, but I think that's just because I'm reminded of packing and having to take care of myself, when I just want to stay at home and play Story of Seasons ;w; I guess the other thing I'm worried about is how cold it would be and whether I packed enough warm things for it.
Anyway, last week has been pretty okay, at least better than the weeks before lol Eh, it might not be very interesting since they're just things that happened, but I guess I should write them down anyway?
My mum and I were invited by my piano teacher to have lunch with her cousin and niece, which was nice. At first I thought things would be kinda awkward for me, since I don't know my piano teacher's relatives that well, but we stayed for a pretty long time chatting with each other. After that, my mum wanted me to get new clothes, which I can't complain about lol Got two blue rayon blouses that look real gud, and striped legging pants. My closet is slowly devolving into blue, black, and white, with some red.
The next day (I think it was a Tuesday?) I went back to the lab. I don't think anything big was going on then. All lab lady showed me was how she did her cell lines. Basically, different kinds of human cancer cells have been recorded and documented in the form of cell lines, and these cells come from diseased patients from long ago (since cancer cells are practically immortal). What lab lady showed me was some of the plates she had been culturing, and how she created a new one from an existing one, since it's possible for them to overpopulate, and das no gud.
The reason why I say nothing big was going on, was because that was all lab lady had going on, in terms of lab work lol The rest of the time, she mostly had paperwork to do, so I assume she's planning her next round of experiments. I assume she released a paper too, (the one with the western blotting) so she could be following up on that after its publication. I should probably look for it and see if it exists lol Anyway, I read up on cell lines and the controversies behind them while I sat around. Basically it's about how scientists use contaminated cell lines but don't declare them in their published papers. So if someone's research paper is based on stomach cancer cells, but it turns out the cell lines used were contaminated with something else or mislabeled, they don't declare that has happened, so a lot of misinformation ends up spreading. Like some papers show that a drug intended to treat stomach cancer, doesn't work on actual patients, since the lab tests were on a completely different type of cell. And I'm like, y do u let dis hapen.
The biggest thing weighing heavy on my mind during the past week though, was my psalm. Once I settled the changes I wanted and all that, and finally did it, omg it was such a huge relief. When I went up to sing it though, somehow it felt like everything slowed down, and I thought I was singing the verses too slow, because it felt like the choir sung the response at normal speed. When I was done, I thought it could have been better, and when the members from the other choirs said that I did well, a part of me thought that they were just saying that - although I don't think they have any reason say something like that just unless they meant it c: As nice as it was to receive praise from people for it, I think what mattered more was my feelings about it. I was just happy that it was over, and I suppose listening back to it again (someone in the choir recorded all our psalms lol) I did better than I thought lol At least it's something I can be proud of, and if anything, what others have said was there to back it up.
On Sunday night, we went out to eat Austrian food, in celebration of (initially) my acceptance into NUS, and was apparently in conjunction with my bro passing his exams and moving on to his next semester. For me at least, reaching that night meant having my piano exam and psalm done as well, so it meant more of a sigh of relief to me. I had veal wiener schnitzel, which was tender enough for my metal mouth, and the poached pear and cranberries was pretty good to moisten it.
Aside from that, we've come to learn of Dal's many ailments. When we came back home on Sunday, we noticed him limping on his right side, which he had never done before, so it was a big cause for concern. My bro and sis brought him to the vet earlier this week, and it turns out he has so many problems: arthritis, ear and skin infection, heart murmur. I suppose part of it is our fault for assuming nothing's wrong with him, since we never really saw any problem with him, so we never brought him to the vet for the longest time. At least now, he's taking his medication pretty well, and looks better than he did on Sunday. The vet said that he should have four to six more years left in him, so I hope he can still stay around a little longer.
Apart from all of that going on, I've been packing my luggage for France. My mum passed me her tiny camera for me to use, and omg it's so smol, and I don't think the quality is that great? So I might use my phone camera a little more often, and to do that, I'm trying to transfer photos from it onto my laptop, and deleting the rest. I also had a micro SD card from my previous phone that fits into my current one, so that's pretty useful, and I sorted through that one too.
It felt kinda weird though, 'cos I don't know if some of the pictures are worth saving? I suppose I kinda want to save most of them, (even if they are poopy wa pictures lol) because I won't get them back again. And at the same time, it feels kinda weird having a completely empty gallery on my phone lol Anyway, looking through some of the photos made me realise how much fun I had in secondary school and the beginning of JC. Seeing photos of them then, and then thinking of them now, some of them have really grown.
I'm glad I had the chance to look through those pictures, though. At least it has made me see "what has been", instead of the "what could've been" that I've let myself stew in. Things aren't as bad as I had made it out to be, basically, and I think in the near future, in university, some things can be reformed and bridged again.
While I was looking through them though, I had a pretty heavy conversation with Daryl about friendships and needing attention/someone to talk to. I suppose the problem in the past, was that friendships were built on the fact that you see the same people five days a week, and once school's over, you don't really stay in touch since it's technically "physically inconvenient" to meet up. But at the same time, I guess growing up means learning how to maintain social relationships, too - just that I don't know how often those meet ups are supposed to be lol I do hope I can become a better friend, and surround myself with good people that I truly care about.
Anyway, I'll probably spend tonight going through the rest of the photos, zip them up on my laptop and transfer them to a thumbdrive lol I also need to rewrap my earphones (I do the friendship-bracelet kind of knotting on them lol), go through hymns for daily masses in France (I'm in charge of the "choir" since I'm among newbies that aren't in any church choir lol orz), and finish packing. Hopefully in France, I can find postcards too, that I can send to people ouo Also I can spam my instagram account with photos from France heheheheheheh
Thursday 31 March 2016
Tuesday 22 March 2016
Hello Friends I am Here
Actually, I started writing a post like almost a week ago, but I stopped halfway 'cos dinner was ready, and then I didn't come back to the post for like, a week lol Also writing the post gave me some sad feels that I didn't want to deal with.
For some reason, the past four weeks have been kinda meh for me, for multiple reasons. Initially, it was friend stuff, and then later, was choir and piano stuff. It was kinda like Bad Feels lasted for two weeks each lol but now that piano is over, I guess I'm a little more settled now. I guess I'll split it into two parts, and try to summarise as best as I can.
Part I: Friends Old and New
Since I have so much free time, I've been doing more stuff in church. Also it's lenten season, meaning that there's even more stuff for church ministries to do lol Each ministry was scheduled a few hours for Lenten adoration that we, individually, could choose to go for. It just so happens that the night I chose to go for, was the same night I was to go out with my old friends. As much as I was sad to miss out on watching Zootopia with them that night, I know that wasn't the real problem that plagued me.
At this point, it's kind of complicated: part of me thinks that if I hang out and be with them, I'll be happy, because whenever I miss out on going out with them, I feel disappointed in myself for "not being a good friend". And even if I do go, I end up upset and feeling out of place lol
The day before the outing, I thought the reasons for me feeling bad about myself, was because I had been absent for so long, and that it was my fault for not being there. I thought that had I been involved the whole time, I would have felt better about being with them - and I suppose in some way it's true. But apologising wouldn't make the bad feelings go away either.
She said that they had intended to surprise me, and that made me feel better, because I thought it meant that they still cared about me and were thinking of me - and that I could still belong there. That didn't really happen though, and for awhile that got to me, but at least I knew the reason why it didn't happen, and after a few weeks, I feel pretty fine about it lol [It's okay, at least you tried c:] That aside though, the next few paragraphs are my feelings about the two outings, that I wrote a week ago. I'm leaving it here since those feelings are still kinda true, even now:
Basically, during majority of the time I spent that day, I felt out of place. I felt that there were two very distinct moments though: dinner, and walking to the station with Nas. Even though the latter part was so short, it made me realise why I felt so bad most of the time: no one really asked me anything or wanted to listen to me. The only time when I can conclusively say I was reassured, was when I was talking to Nas when she asked me what I had been doing. Honestly though, I don't know if that was because I had nothing to talk about, or if I had been left out of the loop for so long that I didn't know what was going on in the group - and I didn't know if it was my fault. At some point I thought, maybe it really is, for not getting involved a lot with them. And that led to an even bigger problem.
The next week, they all went to a cat cafe - and I wanted to go, but it was also the same night my mum had her shoulder operation so we were to visit her in the hospital that evening. And I think a part of me, after last week's experience, made me want to not go to the cat cafe. When I told the group planning it that I was going to visit my mum instead, only Nas replied in response to it. Maybe it's the fault of my overthinking brain, but at some point the reasoning in my mind was that no one really cared, since only one person even replied to it.
When I saw photos of them that night, I was so upset lol, having fun without me. And I hate myself for being envious of them, I know it's my fault, for not getting involved or interested in what they had been doing, how can I expect them to do the same for me right lol I really struggled with all that this week, and at some point, I guess I found some "resolution" in thinking that they don't care about me so I shouldn't be so concerned about them - but I know that's not the right thing to do at all. I don't know if them not caring about me is even remotely true at all.
I guess it was kinda like when Daryl had a really depressive episode lasting about a week, and when I learned what kind of help and attention he needed, I tried so hard to get the rest of us to help him in the way that he wanted. I kept thinking that if we really wanted to help, then we should make an effort to do what he wanted of us, even if it was just trying - but then I realised that not everyone is the kind of person to ask and listen. Is it because they genuinely aren't the kind of person to do that, or do they just not want to try?
But at the same time I know, I know that if there's no active attempt at showing someone you care just by asking if they're okay or how they've been, it can feel really lonely and isolating, so not doing anything is just gonna make it worse for them. But at the same time, I know the person in trouble can't expect to be approached, or unfairly place an expectation on others to just care, especially if the other person doesn't know what's going on.
I don't know, but I guess I know that all I wanted was to be actually accepted back into the group by being asked stuff and whatnot, so that I know that you guys actually want me there. At least Claire telling me of the surprise was a step in that direction, which made me feel better. But at the same time I don't know if I should just give up and put my heart at rest. It's really tiring and painful to be told that a group of people care, and end up not seeing that played out through actions (and I suppose Daryl could say the same.)
I suppose my thoughts of being uncared for isn't really in the forefront of my mind, and after wtiting that post, I didn't know whether to publish it or not, because I don't really know what their feelings about me really is.
And maybe what made those feelings so apparent, was because the week after those events, I went out with Daryl, Bei, and Abbi to watch the school musical. Bei was gonna be at work, so it was just gonna be Daryl, Abbi, and me hanging out before dinner, so I suggested watching a movie. Abbi didn't like watching movies (ikr how can she omg) so it was just Daryl and me, watching that Chinese mermaid show lol When we met up with Abbi, we had a lot about the movie to tell her. [Honestly I was kinda disappointed that it wasn't like those "good bad" movies that Stephen Chow does, but eh, it's okay I guess.]
We had dinner together, then went for the musical (which I had a lot to talk about that night, 'cos it was bad-bad) and we walked to the park later nearby to just kinda waste time, since the musical ended earlier than expected. We spent most of the walk there, uh, critiquing(?) the musical, and then walked back to go home. All in all, I spent most of the day talking a lot - and when compared to hanging out with old friends, I thought it was really worrying, or was a bad sign of some sort.
Anyway, that night, I had brought up the suggestion of going to the open house at NUS the next day, since my mum was trying to push for me to go. So I met up with Daryl and Abbi, since Bei was going with her own friends. I managed to convert the two to life sciences, since apparently, according to insider information, there was some veterinary science going on, and you could do a double degree/major with psychology, so that really appealed to Abbi and Daryl respectively lelelel
We met up with Bei later, then headed for dinner at a katsu place. Me being me, and not expecting myself to go out for dinner, had little money with me ;w; Bei offered to fund me an additional $5 dollars (thank you, auntie) but I decided to just owe Daryl $10 lol Also I really liked their shredded cabbage, 'cos it didn't feel so damp or overpowering like big cabbage shreds would. After that though, I hadn't really talked to anyone (even Daryl) for two weeks, since I felt kinda poop about myself - again.
Part II: Choir, Piano & Post-Piano Stuff
Again, since I have a lot of time, I volunteered to do one of the seven psalms for Easter vigil. It was going well, until we had to kinda rehearse in the main church itself, with the priest in charge of it kind of overseeing it. The nerves I felt though, was not out of fear of singing in public, but because I hadn't really practiced it, so when I kinda messed up, I knew that it was my fault. I was so worried that I was gonna be arrowed about it, because I knew something was wrong - but I wasn't arrowed for the mistake I made.
The priest was pointing out little things here and there in general about what to take note of and whatever, but when it came to me, gee whiz, I was terrified. I don't know why it upset me so much, because I know objectively it wasn't anything harsh or demeaning. Honestly, I think it was just me being me, not wanting to be called out for a mistake I made, or being told I did something wrong. I think ever since I was a kid, somehow I thought that if a teacher talks to you personally about something you did wrong, was a bad thing lol Which I know, objectively is good and nothing wrong, but I never wanted to be the one who was thought of as having a problem.
Recounting it now already makes me cry lol I felt so bad about myself, not only because I was called out I guess, but because I felt bad about it in the first place. I know being oversensitive isn't good, but being told that it's bad and then succumbing to it even though you know you shouldn't, makes it feel like you failed lol
So, for most of the week, I didn't want to practice my psalm, because of how poop thinking about it made me feel. I spent most of the days being unproductive, playing Story of Seasons most of the time lol And then piano drew closer and closer, and I hadn't really practiced aural, and then that made me feel worse, and the cycle repeats lol After trying to write this post, and was reminded that I hadn't been to the lab for three weeks (at the time of writing that post) I felt bad about that too, for being gone for so long.
But then, I realised that there wasn't really any point in feeling bad for something that I can't change now. One thing I remember from that biology Chiang Mai trip, when we were climbing that dumb mountain range, I kept telling Jess to "focus on what you can do now", to try and calm her down and keep her focused on moving forward, rather than possibly falling down. So, eventually I started practicing my psalm and piano aural again, and I did feel better about myself. At least I did something productive lol
I guess in some way, saying "focus on what you can do now" is more effective, at least to me, than saying "JUST. DO IT." because it doesn't so much like a command, but rather a way to shift you into a realistic frame of mind. Sometimes we think we can't reach a certain goal because we're just physically incapable of doing it, be it in resources, time, or skill. We focus on what we can't do, instead of what we can. I'm not saying we shouldn't improve ourselves, but rather to shift our perspective to what we can do about something right now.
Anyway, I had my piano exam yesterday. My mum brought me there almost an hour early, because she thought it was at 11 instead of 11.30 in the morning lol And while I was waiting, I thought I was going to be okay, and if anything, my pieces can carry me ;w; Boy, was I wrong lol I don't know if it was because the room was cold, that when I started playing my fingers wouldn't move, or if it was nerves or whatever.
Basically, I messed up the middle of my first piece, I had a couple of slips during my second, but because it was so long I don't know what mistakes I made lol, and I messed up the second last line of chords in my third piece. I messed up most of my scales (he asked me too many staccato scales omg), and I misidentified the cadence and its chords. Other things like sight-reading, sight-singing, singing the lower voice, and commenting on a piece was okay, since if I made any mistakes, they were pretty small. I came out of the exam knowing I did kinda poopy, but neither did I feel that disappointed in myself lol I knew where I went wrong, so I guess I didn't really hope for much.
After my exam, I went to watch Zootopia with my mum (which was more than the animal puns and jokes that I had expected, it was pretty moralistic lol), and bought some clothes (I have a shirt with a big birdie ouo) In the car, my mum said that my brother had bought something for me, which is terribly erroneous: he just bought more terrain-making stuff that he wanted me to help with. I'm not disappointed to be honest, I wasn't expecting much from him lol
Other than that, last Sunday, my Dad asked me where I wanted to go for dinner to celebrate my acceptance into NUS, but I didn't want to go just yet, since I had piano the next day hhhhhh But I'm glad it'll be on another day though, probably Easter Sunday, when my choir worries are over lol
I'll focus on what I can do now, instead of moping about the past four weeks. Tomorrow I'll be going back to the lab in the afternoon, and I still have about a week to pack and prepare for my trip to France. Hopefully I can diligently journal down the things that happen during the trip lol For now, it's back to helping my bro with his terrain.
For some reason, the past four weeks have been kinda meh for me, for multiple reasons. Initially, it was friend stuff, and then later, was choir and piano stuff. It was kinda like Bad Feels lasted for two weeks each lol but now that piano is over, I guess I'm a little more settled now. I guess I'll split it into two parts, and try to summarise as best as I can.
Part I: Friends Old and New
Since I have so much free time, I've been doing more stuff in church. Also it's lenten season, meaning that there's even more stuff for church ministries to do lol Each ministry was scheduled a few hours for Lenten adoration that we, individually, could choose to go for. It just so happens that the night I chose to go for, was the same night I was to go out with my old friends. As much as I was sad to miss out on watching Zootopia with them that night, I know that wasn't the real problem that plagued me.
At this point, it's kind of complicated: part of me thinks that if I hang out and be with them, I'll be happy, because whenever I miss out on going out with them, I feel disappointed in myself for "not being a good friend". And even if I do go, I end up upset and feeling out of place lol
The day before the outing, I thought the reasons for me feeling bad about myself, was because I had been absent for so long, and that it was my fault for not being there. I thought that had I been involved the whole time, I would have felt better about being with them - and I suppose in some way it's true. But apologising wouldn't make the bad feelings go away either.
She said that they had intended to surprise me, and that made me feel better, because I thought it meant that they still cared about me and were thinking of me - and that I could still belong there. That didn't really happen though, and for awhile that got to me, but at least I knew the reason why it didn't happen, and after a few weeks, I feel pretty fine about it lol [It's okay, at least you tried c:] That aside though, the next few paragraphs are my feelings about the two outings, that I wrote a week ago. I'm leaving it here since those feelings are still kinda true, even now:
Basically, during majority of the time I spent that day, I felt out of place. I felt that there were two very distinct moments though: dinner, and walking to the station with Nas. Even though the latter part was so short, it made me realise why I felt so bad most of the time: no one really asked me anything or wanted to listen to me. The only time when I can conclusively say I was reassured, was when I was talking to Nas when she asked me what I had been doing. Honestly though, I don't know if that was because I had nothing to talk about, or if I had been left out of the loop for so long that I didn't know what was going on in the group - and I didn't know if it was my fault. At some point I thought, maybe it really is, for not getting involved a lot with them. And that led to an even bigger problem.
The next week, they all went to a cat cafe - and I wanted to go, but it was also the same night my mum had her shoulder operation so we were to visit her in the hospital that evening. And I think a part of me, after last week's experience, made me want to not go to the cat cafe. When I told the group planning it that I was going to visit my mum instead, only Nas replied in response to it. Maybe it's the fault of my overthinking brain, but at some point the reasoning in my mind was that no one really cared, since only one person even replied to it.
When I saw photos of them that night, I was so upset lol, having fun without me. And I hate myself for being envious of them, I know it's my fault, for not getting involved or interested in what they had been doing, how can I expect them to do the same for me right lol I really struggled with all that this week, and at some point, I guess I found some "resolution" in thinking that they don't care about me so I shouldn't be so concerned about them - but I know that's not the right thing to do at all. I don't know if them not caring about me is even remotely true at all.
I guess it was kinda like when Daryl had a really depressive episode lasting about a week, and when I learned what kind of help and attention he needed, I tried so hard to get the rest of us to help him in the way that he wanted. I kept thinking that if we really wanted to help, then we should make an effort to do what he wanted of us, even if it was just trying - but then I realised that not everyone is the kind of person to ask and listen. Is it because they genuinely aren't the kind of person to do that, or do they just not want to try?
But at the same time I know, I know that if there's no active attempt at showing someone you care just by asking if they're okay or how they've been, it can feel really lonely and isolating, so not doing anything is just gonna make it worse for them. But at the same time, I know the person in trouble can't expect to be approached, or unfairly place an expectation on others to just care, especially if the other person doesn't know what's going on.
I don't know, but I guess I know that all I wanted was to be actually accepted back into the group by being asked stuff and whatnot, so that I know that you guys actually want me there. At least Claire telling me of the surprise was a step in that direction, which made me feel better. But at the same time I don't know if I should just give up and put my heart at rest. It's really tiring and painful to be told that a group of people care, and end up not seeing that played out through actions (and I suppose Daryl could say the same.)
I suppose my thoughts of being uncared for isn't really in the forefront of my mind, and after wtiting that post, I didn't know whether to publish it or not, because I don't really know what their feelings about me really is.
And maybe what made those feelings so apparent, was because the week after those events, I went out with Daryl, Bei, and Abbi to watch the school musical. Bei was gonna be at work, so it was just gonna be Daryl, Abbi, and me hanging out before dinner, so I suggested watching a movie. Abbi didn't like watching movies (ikr how can she omg) so it was just Daryl and me, watching that Chinese mermaid show lol When we met up with Abbi, we had a lot about the movie to tell her. [Honestly I was kinda disappointed that it wasn't like those "good bad" movies that Stephen Chow does, but eh, it's okay I guess.]
We had dinner together, then went for the musical (which I had a lot to talk about that night, 'cos it was bad-bad) and we walked to the park later nearby to just kinda waste time, since the musical ended earlier than expected. We spent most of the walk there, uh, critiquing(?) the musical, and then walked back to go home. All in all, I spent most of the day talking a lot - and when compared to hanging out with old friends, I thought it was really worrying, or was a bad sign of some sort.
Anyway, that night, I had brought up the suggestion of going to the open house at NUS the next day, since my mum was trying to push for me to go. So I met up with Daryl and Abbi, since Bei was going with her own friends. I managed to convert the two to life sciences, since apparently, according to insider information, there was some veterinary science going on, and you could do a double degree/major with psychology, so that really appealed to Abbi and Daryl respectively lelelel
We met up with Bei later, then headed for dinner at a katsu place. Me being me, and not expecting myself to go out for dinner, had little money with me ;w; Bei offered to fund me an additional $5 dollars (thank you, auntie) but I decided to just owe Daryl $10 lol Also I really liked their shredded cabbage, 'cos it didn't feel so damp or overpowering like big cabbage shreds would. After that though, I hadn't really talked to anyone (even Daryl) for two weeks, since I felt kinda poop about myself - again.
Part II: Choir, Piano & Post-Piano Stuff
Again, since I have a lot of time, I volunteered to do one of the seven psalms for Easter vigil. It was going well, until we had to kinda rehearse in the main church itself, with the priest in charge of it kind of overseeing it. The nerves I felt though, was not out of fear of singing in public, but because I hadn't really practiced it, so when I kinda messed up, I knew that it was my fault. I was so worried that I was gonna be arrowed about it, because I knew something was wrong - but I wasn't arrowed for the mistake I made.
The priest was pointing out little things here and there in general about what to take note of and whatever, but when it came to me, gee whiz, I was terrified. I don't know why it upset me so much, because I know objectively it wasn't anything harsh or demeaning. Honestly, I think it was just me being me, not wanting to be called out for a mistake I made, or being told I did something wrong. I think ever since I was a kid, somehow I thought that if a teacher talks to you personally about something you did wrong, was a bad thing lol Which I know, objectively is good and nothing wrong, but I never wanted to be the one who was thought of as having a problem.
Recounting it now already makes me cry lol I felt so bad about myself, not only because I was called out I guess, but because I felt bad about it in the first place. I know being oversensitive isn't good, but being told that it's bad and then succumbing to it even though you know you shouldn't, makes it feel like you failed lol
So, for most of the week, I didn't want to practice my psalm, because of how poop thinking about it made me feel. I spent most of the days being unproductive, playing Story of Seasons most of the time lol And then piano drew closer and closer, and I hadn't really practiced aural, and then that made me feel worse, and the cycle repeats lol After trying to write this post, and was reminded that I hadn't been to the lab for three weeks (at the time of writing that post) I felt bad about that too, for being gone for so long.
But then, I realised that there wasn't really any point in feeling bad for something that I can't change now. One thing I remember from that biology Chiang Mai trip, when we were climbing that dumb mountain range, I kept telling Jess to "focus on what you can do now", to try and calm her down and keep her focused on moving forward, rather than possibly falling down. So, eventually I started practicing my psalm and piano aural again, and I did feel better about myself. At least I did something productive lol
I guess in some way, saying "focus on what you can do now" is more effective, at least to me, than saying "JUST. DO IT." because it doesn't so much like a command, but rather a way to shift you into a realistic frame of mind. Sometimes we think we can't reach a certain goal because we're just physically incapable of doing it, be it in resources, time, or skill. We focus on what we can't do, instead of what we can. I'm not saying we shouldn't improve ourselves, but rather to shift our perspective to what we can do about something right now.
Anyway, I had my piano exam yesterday. My mum brought me there almost an hour early, because she thought it was at 11 instead of 11.30 in the morning lol And while I was waiting, I thought I was going to be okay, and if anything, my pieces can carry me ;w; Boy, was I wrong lol I don't know if it was because the room was cold, that when I started playing my fingers wouldn't move, or if it was nerves or whatever.
Basically, I messed up the middle of my first piece, I had a couple of slips during my second, but because it was so long I don't know what mistakes I made lol, and I messed up the second last line of chords in my third piece. I messed up most of my scales (he asked me too many staccato scales omg), and I misidentified the cadence and its chords. Other things like sight-reading, sight-singing, singing the lower voice, and commenting on a piece was okay, since if I made any mistakes, they were pretty small. I came out of the exam knowing I did kinda poopy, but neither did I feel that disappointed in myself lol I knew where I went wrong, so I guess I didn't really hope for much.
After my exam, I went to watch Zootopia with my mum (which was more than the animal puns and jokes that I had expected, it was pretty moralistic lol), and bought some clothes (I have a shirt with a big birdie ouo) In the car, my mum said that my brother had bought something for me, which is terribly erroneous: he just bought more terrain-making stuff that he wanted me to help with. I'm not disappointed to be honest, I wasn't expecting much from him lol
Other than that, last Sunday, my Dad asked me where I wanted to go for dinner to celebrate my acceptance into NUS, but I didn't want to go just yet, since I had piano the next day hhhhhh But I'm glad it'll be on another day though, probably Easter Sunday, when my choir worries are over lol
I'll focus on what I can do now, instead of moping about the past four weeks. Tomorrow I'll be going back to the lab in the afternoon, and I still have about a week to pack and prepare for my trip to France. Hopefully I can diligently journal down the things that happen during the trip lol For now, it's back to helping my bro with his terrain.
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