2 kool for skool
Where I am now and where I was on the first week has been different: things became a lot more settled after week 2, I think. And I'm fortunate enough to not have a very stressful semester, partly because of the way I wanted to structure my timetable (I was thinking of leaving the afternoon of Wednesday to Friday free so I can find a job, but that didn't happe lol) but also because of the mods I have. I only have two major requirement mods, a freshman seminar mod, that isn't compulsory but contributes to my faculty mods, one general education mod, and Indonesian lol Next semester though, I know will be a lot crazier, with four major + faculty mods allocated to me (two life science, one chem, that GER thing) and have to bid for another faculty mod that I die die must get next semester. So yeah, in comparison, this semester is less crazy than the next.
Learning Indo has been quite fun, actually. At least I get the chance to talk to other people, (and to Hans wkwkwkwk) and learn something completely new. I think it's easier to learn than some of the other languages offered, because 1. it uses the Roman alphabet, so there's no need to learn new characters like in Korean or Japanese, 2. the words themselves aren't that hard to understand, I think. But I suppose the challenge comes from the usage, like not just in sentence construction, but also remembering what certain phrases are. The grammar aspect isn't that hard, once you understand a certain grammatical rule, it's not that bad, but the conversational part is kinda hard to remember. Like if you ask me, "how do you ask what classes someone is taking?" (which is one of the things we learned to say) I cannot remember what the phrase was. If you asked me to read the phrase though, I'd understand it, but remembering what it was in the first place and to use it, is another thing lol
My GEM mod on effective reasoning, is easy when it comes to understanding the "theoretical" aspect of it, but being able to apply it by identifying what is going on in the examples. So I suppose that's the hard part about it, and I don't know if the theoretical aspect is gonna get harder as we go on lol orz
My freshman seminar mod is basically about the process of scientific inquiry, and what sort of science comes out of it when you follow the process (good science), not fulfill certain parts of the process (pseudoscience), or take matters into your own hands (ugly science). Right now is about pseudoscience, which I'm supposed to do a presentation on one example of a pseudoscience, but guess who's writing a blog post instead lol It's been interesting, and at least has given me an opportunity to write an article that is (somewhat) scientific ('cos we're allowed to do on things that are based in psychology, but trying to explain the science behind that can be difficult), and I realised that I need get back into writing something, anything. I need to practice writing again lol
Evolution is kinda hard to study, 'cos almost everything is new, and we do a chapter each lecture (that's two chapters a week) and of course reading a textbook as it is is hard to do. I suppose I'm also fortunate enough to have the time to read through the textbook, so I have to make good use of my time. Stats is bleh for everyone.
Tuesdays are my long days: I have my stats lecture at 8, and my freshman seminar mod that ends at 6. And I guess in some way that's a good thing for me, because group meetings for the science faculty Catholic group is on Monday and Tuesday night (you can choose either one to go for). Since I'm in school till 6, might as well go right lol
Midterm Retreat
This was an interesting experience for me, and it was quite different from the freshman orientation camp run by the Catholic group. Long story short, I suppose I learned a couple of things from it:
1. The role of Catholicism in my life plays more than just how I live my life and what it motivates me to do (wanting to be a person for others and helping others who need me), but also a place to go back to. I suppose I kinda saw Catholicism as having two parts: your own relationship with God, but your relationship with other people and a need to be a person for others. I think for quite a while, I always thought I had the first, and that now I had to focus on the second, but then I realised that that wasn't what I needed. After a while, you need to go back, not get ahead of yourself, and remember to focus on you as a person, not just who you want to be.
That being said, I aslo realised that sometimes I should open up to other people, and not just be the listener all the time lol Even though I may not have major issues right now, I also have to recognise that there'll be a time when I can't carry absolutely everything, and to allow myself to be vulnerable as well.
2. Honesty with yourself. It's more than just recognising things about yourself or the situation you're in, it's also about accepting them. I think sometimes, there is this unspoken expectation for ourselves to be okay all the time, and if something is wrong, then you're the problem, there's something wrong with you, because you know, everyone else seems to be fine. And because of this expectation, we put on a facade, of what is "normal", and leave all the problems hidden within us. This is the first layer of being honest with yourself: admitting that you're not okay.
I think the next layer, is not to just admit you have problems and hold them in your hands, but to accept it and surrender yourself. Of course, that's always hard to do, especially when you feel like you need to get rid of certain problems, that are a part of you who you are. How do you cut off a part of you? Which I suppose goes onto the point of my bro.
My Bro
So, my brother has been coming to talk his feelings out with me recently, for a few weeks already. Basically, he met this girl on Tinder (I know, not the best place to find the kind of person he needs, but I think he got p lucky with the person in question), and his anxiety started acting up. Basically, she's not that responsive on whatsapp due to the nature of her work as a dentist, and that sort of made him paranoid, thinking that she wasn't interested in him. But the good thing is that he knows how to differentiate what his anxiety and bad experiences tell him, and what the truth is, just that the problem lies in having to always make that distinction, and knowing how to kick out the bad thoughts. And I suppose it's been harder for him to cope with that recently, since he doesn't have school or anything to distract him during his month-long break, but he knows what he needs to do, in small ways like just going out to the library, instead of staying cooped up at home. Long story short, he knows what he needs to do with the feelings he has, but doing it isn't easy. Which I suppose in some way, is kinda different from what he told me tonight.
I think he's been getting comfortable and used to the idea of knowing that she won't be able to reply him all the time, and that he just has to accept that that's a thing that he needs to do. It's not just head-knowledge anymore: he knows that she's busy, she's her own person, she likes him even if she doesn't show it through whatsapp, he shouldn't over-think what she possibly thinks of him, he should do his own things and develop himself instead etc. And tonight, he came in telling me that happiness is about learning to accept the situation you're in. Like during previous nights, we've kinda discussed how as people, we think that things are okay because we're in control of the situation: it's going the way we want it it to go, to follow our expectations, and anything that strays from it (when it goes "out of our control") then things have gone to absolute shit lol
But I guess the problems we face aren't things to be solves, they're things to overcome, and sometimes you can only get past it by pushing through. Like his anxiety: it won't go away, it's not something that can just be taken from him, but it's something that he needs to learn how to manage. His past hurts and bad experiences, yeah, they've left scars, but he knows he can't hold onto the judgement he has of the person who had harmed him, and that he has to let himself heal. So as of now, he recognises and accepts the situation he's in, that he doesn't have direct control over, but he knows that he should still be doing what he's capable of doing in the mean time.
I think it's not exactly new insight, like at some point in time I also came to the realisation that there are things you just need to accept or overcome, but seeing it play out in someone else's life serves as a nice reminder. I am glad though, that he's opened up to me, and that he himself is growing, even if it seems slow, in hindsight it's quite fast lol Anyway, that's how the past six weeks has been lol
