Adulthood: Universities and Scholarships

I was too lazy to go back to my previous adulthood post, but there were some stuff in there that I forgot to mention.

The reason why I was looking at the scholarship in the first place, was partly to do with me looking at overseas universities. Initially, I was interested in Durham and UBC after some of their people came to introduce the universities to us. It all sounded very fun and exciting, and a sort-of Plan B. When my mum knew, she was upset about it, saying that none of my siblings have done their undergraduate studies overseas, and money. And honestly, I don't know why money is a problem, considering how things are going. Even if I were to pursue the issue and these things weren't a problem, I still have to stay for my braces.

Also, if I am serious about journalism, wouldn't it be smart for me to apply for a journalism scholarship anyway? Even if there were a bond to serve regardless of where I went, I would have a job for at least a couple of years. However, when I went to the scholarship talk session, I didn't realise that the admission process involved an internship. It makes sense: you'd want to at least see if the people you're investing money in, can actually do a decent job as a journalist, even if they cover small stories. Frankly, that portion of the admission process deterred and frightened me, because uh, hello, socially awkward person here. I mean I guess I'm not as bad as the term implies, but it's definitely not the first thing I'd jump at. (Wow, all the more reason for me not to become a journalist, huh...)

That aside, I realised that I didn't really need it - at least, not right now. After the little meeting with my dad's professor-friend at the laboratory, my dad said that if I'm staying here, I don't really need a scholarship. I mean I still could go if I want the internship experience, and that's not a bad thing (apart from maybe, cutting short my time at the labs since the journalism internship is around March). I even forgot that the scholarship isn't limited to undergraduates, until my dad reminded me. when I got home, I realised a possible course of action.

If I didn't take the scholarship opportunity now, I could even do it while in university, or after as a graduate. That would give me more time to seriously consider journalism, and if I still want to go overseas to pursue a degree in scientific journalism, then all the more reason to have a journalism scholarship fund that. Even better, I'd have a job right after for a longer period of time ouo

I know it's not a big deal, but I thought that it was still good for me to write down the thoughts I've had and keep them together in one place.

Braces: Week 1

[At first I wanted to do this as a day-by-day recount, but then I didn't have enough time to finish writing everything, so I'm just gonna have to do it in one shot, but a couple of sittings lol]

Man, so much has happened this week, huh? I think about a month ago, I scared myself into thinking I have some serious teeth problem, where the gum recedes and teeth become increasingly exposed, partly due to overcrowding of teeth. And sometimes I could feel my teeth shift, like it would move forward a little if I pressed my tongue against it. I freaked myself so badly that I cried and seriously considered needing braces. My initial reason for not wanting braces, was because the idea was introduced to me in the form of "looking better/prettier/etc" which I thought wasn't the purpose of braces, and wasn't what I would want them for. Neither did I want them just because everyone else did, like it was some cool fashion trend. Life is suffering as it already is.

I understood if people needed them for health reasons - and I suppose in some way, I'm doing it for that. When I visited the dentist, we had discussed what to do if I go through with getting braces. Also, apparently my wisdom teeth in my lower jaw were impacted, meaning they were going sideways against my existing teeth, so that was a problem that needed to be dealt with anyway. Everything seemed fine and dandy with me, even if it meant not eating proper solid food for Christmas. Past-Me apparently did not understand the concept of pain.

A consultation with a proper orthodontist was scheduled soon after. It was okay, just that it felt really weird when they took pictures of my teeth, with a warm mirror shoved into my small mouth, and molds taken of my pre-braces teeth. I was told it would taste funny, but it wasn't as bad as I expected, to be honest. [We interrupt this blog post for a news bulletin: as I was writing this, [on Wednesday] I tasted blood at the back of my mouth, and apparently I started bleeding. I went down to my parents' room, and my mum said that it's just raw gum that was scraped a little and started bleeding. It's nothing serious, thank God, but still kinda terrifying if you don't know what's going on. Anyway, I hope it stops soon ono]

I forgot where I left off, lol

My oral surgery was scheduled for the later half of December, but it was later shifted to last Monday, the 14th, which was just as well, since I had to sing the psalm the day before. I was stuffed full on Sunday since my surgery was first thing in the morning. There was fasting 4 hours prior to the surgery, to prevent any vomit or gagging during it. But I was surprised I couldn't even drink water. The surgery itself was pretty quick - or at least, it felt so. I remember reclining back in the dentist chair, had some of those operation, green-outfit-things put over my clothes and my hair. I was knocked out by sedation, not general anesthesia, so I was poked in a vein in my hand. The last four things I remember saying was "this wasn't the first time, being poked in my hand. My mum had to take a blood test, but I didn't have any good veins in my arm" and "I can really feel it" when things seems to move slowly when I tried looking around a bit. I was knocked out for an hour, but it felt like ten minutes, and the sleep didn't even feel that deep. Amazing.

When I woke up, I remember the nurse showing me the teeth that were extracted, and she asked if I wanted to keep them. I didn't really see the point in that, so they just threw them away lol I threw away my baby teeth quite awhile too anyway. (Yeah, I kept them in a little ziploc bag for quite a long time) Before the operation, my mum told me to just go home and sleep since the anesthetic was gonna be in effect for quite some time. I was still pretty conscious during the ride home, but I couldn't really feel my lower jaw. Like when I pressed on my lips, chin, and jaw, it felt all puffy, which was kinda funny. The picture of me on the first day isn't as funny as my swelling on the second day though.

I got home in one piece. I went upstairs to change my clothes, and then came back down so that my dad could change my gauze. I couldn't do it myself since, one: I didn't know where the extractions were (I couldn't feel it in my mouth LOL) and two: I can't do it myself. I was standing up as he shone a small torchlight into my mouth, and I remember my vision going fuzzy for awhile. At first I thought nothing of it 'cos I've had them before and nothing bad happened - but the next thing I knew, I heard my dad calling for my maid pretty loudly and desperately. It felt so surreal because it felt as though I was half asleep. It was only once I was laid down on the sofa that I realised what happened. This was the first time I passed out ouo

I suppose my fainting spell wasn't very serious since I was still conscious of what was happening. I was laid down on my side, and felt my legs were raised by a pillow, and soon fell asleep again. Me fainting was probably due to the anesthetic and me not having anything to eat. As I slept, I could feel myself biting on the gauze on and off, until I felt my shoulder get wet. I was drooling saliva and blood. My dad changed my gauze again, and I was laid down to sleep once more. At least it wasn't anything serious. My dad said it was just "old blood", and I figured that since I have no control over my lower jaw, I can't keep my drool in. That was later confirmed when my maid tried to give me some liquid paracetamol, and since my lower jaw wasn't functioning, I couldn't drink any of it. It just kinda came out with more bloody saliva onto my shirt. Not a pretty sight, I tell you. At some point nearer dinner, I could swallow at least a little, and good thing too, because I think I started getting a fever at some point.

And if it wasn't pain, it were fevers. I remember taking paracetamol at 12, waking up that night at 2, and woke up again at 4 with a fever. I took the paracetamol again, when actually it was only supposed to be taken every six hour lol orz Also I couldn't really taste anything, so drinking soups wasn't so bad. (It was only when I got my sense of taste back, that I found it sad to eat when food got cold and just tasted the same ono)

The second day wasn't as bad, I think. At least it wasn't as messy and embarrassing... My mum told me to take Panadol if there was any pain, and I was like "lol what pain am I supposed to feel". Considering I didn't feel any pain the day before (thanks, sedatives!), I had no idea what was in store for me. The swelling was the most that day, and I could barely open my mouth. The swelling was so severe, that the area right under my left ear felt numb and a little painful. It was pretty funny though, when I took pictures of my swollen cheeks and sent them to friends. At least I got some laughs out of that, and hey, I completely understand: whenever I go to the bathroom and catch myself in the mirror, I break out in silent laughter (since I can't laugh properly). It didn't occur to my mum either that I should have iced my swelling on the day of the operation, saying that my siblings' swelling wasn't that serious and went down pretty quick. It did help a little I guess, but might have been better if it were immediate.

I ate a lot more that day, too: banana smoothie for breakfast, mushroom soup for lunch, mashed papaya and honey, half a cup of ice-cream, mushroom soup (again), and mashed pears with more ice-cream. After awhile, eating starts becoming a chore, because not only does food get stuck in the sockets (the empty gaps between teeth), but jaw movements was still limited. Also it's sad to have to eat so slowly that food gets cold, and you still have to eat it.

Since I couldn't open my mouth very wide, I had to settle with rinsing my mouth with salt water. Unsurprisingly, it tasted like the sea (obviously). I thought it would hurt a lot, because salt and open wound, but it was okay. It did feel weird to not brush my teeth, and at least this kept my mouth a little cleaner. Only problem was, that when I closed and opened my mouth, my molars felt a little sticky. Dangit, plaque! When I first tried brushing my teeth on the third day, I could only manage my front teeth, but now, I can (very gently) brush my molars too (barely). Kids, brush your teeth regularly and thoroughly; you don't know how good it feels to have clean teeth.

Thursday and Friday were okay, nothing new, really. Apart from pain being more apparent. I don't know why, but my teeth hurt when I lied down, and it would take me a while to properly fall asleep. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night, needing a drink, since my mouth dried easily with me sleeping with my mouth open. Even now as I'm typing or doing anything else, I have my mouth open wider than usual.

I still can't eat much. I can bite with my incisors, but the chewing molars is where it's at. Like I know it's only my pre-molars that are gone, but it's really annoying to have food stuck in the sockets - and have a large ulcer on the underside of your tongue, at the front left corner. My dad kept asking me if I've been able to eat properly. No dad, sadly my dumb ulcerated tongue is in the way of that. Also I still have stitches, which will be there until the 29th.

Anyway, at least I'm well enough to go out. I hope Christmas meals will be specially catered for me, because I really don't want to have to painstakingly chew my food right now. I'm not being lazy, I just want to be really careful and not accidentally stab my closed wounds, or get food stuck at the back where my stitches are. Also biting is still not good when teeth are still kinda shaky. Most of the swelling has gone down, but pain at the jaw bone, both at the cheek and on the inside, is still there. Also ulcer. Ulcers are the bane of my existence. If you know me, I've complained about ulcers more than once. And oh my God, I'm not looking forward to braces because of the gosh diddly darn ulcers. ULCERS.

So, how is everybody else's Christmas holidays?

Adulthood: Part 2 & 3

Quite a couple of things happened last week, but I didn't really have the time to write it down, since I've been Christmas shopping with my mum and making gift tags for her. Also, I just recently got some teeth extracted, so sleeping and physically hurting has been taking up my time ;w;

On the 5th of December, there was a journalism scholarship talk I was gonna go for. Sadly, I had to go alone lol The only other person whom I knew was at least a little interested in journalism, was away for the holidays for a really long time, so I just had to make do and go by myself. Still, it was kinda cool to go by myself. I don't think I've ever gone out alone. If I do, it's usually to meet someone else, but this was kinda surreal and exciting in some way. (Don't judge me.)

The journey there wasn't so bad: there was a straight bus from my house; but you know me, I cam somehow mess up the smallest of things. I saw what I thought was my stop, but my reaction time was too slow to get up and alight. That turned out okay, because my actual stop was the one after it. And the same thing happened again. Okay, nevermind, I just need to get off at the next stop and walk back maybe! The bus went round a curve along a highway, before going back into residential area. I had to make do with stopping there, crossed over, and took the same bus back to the actual place. I guess it could have gone worse, but yeah, waste of time and worrying haha orz Anyway, I got to where I needed to be, asked where the talk was being held, and made my way to the place.

It was kinda daunting at first. The little foyer in front was empty, with a few staff on site. I wondered if that was the right place, and it was, when they ushered me into a small little hall with rows of seats. I didn't really pay much attention to my surroundings, I was too busy being nervous, as a lady told me to fill in the seats of the front row. Fair enough, until I realised I was visible, and in the line of sight of the speakers. Wow, okay they can see me, no biggie ;w;

A couple of videos of staff members and previous scholarship recipients played on loop, recounting their experiences and what it meant to be a journalist. There were two grammatical errors, and I couldn't believe it. ["A lot" isn't "alot" and it's not "adrenenline" omg] Most of the recounts by the scholars were of their experience covering small stories, that people wouldn't really know or care about. At first I thought that was kind of pointless, but then again that was what journalism is about: bringing stories to people so that they would care about such things. Later on, other questions popped into my head, like, "why am I here? Do I really want to do journalism?" 

I thought I knew what journalism is. After watching "Kill The Messenger" about that journalist who exposed the truth behind the introduction of drugs into America, I knew that journalism is about bringing the truth to the people, and letting them come to their own conclusions. It's about educating the public, providing them with information from all perspectives and letting them decide for themselves. I suppose what they stressed in the talk was more about story-telling, which is important in it's own way, too. Additionally, they talked about how journalists tend to shift to different areas of journalism after a few years, which is kinda cool, but at the same time, not quite what I had imagined. My dad told me that what they look for in journalists, is an area of expertise. I'm pretty sure that if you cover politics or economics, you would need to understand all the jargon and terms before you translate them into something simpler and easier to understand for the general public. I should have taken the Q&A session to ask about scientific journalism, but I didn't know what exactly I wanted to ask ;w;

Anyway, after the whole session was some tea catered outside, and maybe I should have taken the opportunity to ask about application requirements, like whether I needed teacher references, and when was the closing date, but I got too scared. What made it worse was when I was thinking of getting some food (free, yey!) but then I two J1s caught my attention and gave me a general indication of recognition and I immediately nope'd out of there. I didn't want to stay around after that.

It was around 4, coming to 5, when I was at the bus stop. I could take the bus all the way back home, but I thought that since I was out, I might as well look for the Coldplay CD I wanted ;w; But, with the building being in the middle of almost nowhere except residences, it was hard to do so. I took a bus to a stop that I recognised near school, but didn't really know where to go from there. I ended up taking a bus to the place where I lost my EZ-link card, in the hopes of finding it. I had to walk across the overhead bridge with the sun setting, directly in my eyes, and since the bridge is pretty high up, it was blinding ono Once I got to the shopping centre, the bank was closed at 4.30. Had I gone earlier, I wouldn't have made it in time anyway. I just had to make my way home.

Wednesday was my next trial. My dad managed to schedule a meeting with one of his school friends who currently works in the laboratories at NUS, and he thought that if I'm doing biological/biomedical sciences, I should get a feel of real laboratory work first. Nothing went wrong during the meeting, I think it was pretty okay. There was even a little introduction and walk around the labs, which were a lot smaller and cluttered than I thought. My dad poked me to ask questions, which is still very awkward for me, when people are around LOL I don't know, I wasn't particularly inquisitive or curious (and how can I ever be a journalist like that, omg)

The most strenuous part about the whole thing though, wasn't the meeting, but the fact I had no socks on. My mum told me to wear something formal but comfortable - and anything with "formal" in them means, one of my black shoes. Those black shoes that haven't been broken in and are still stiff and uncomfortable. I would have been fine if I had my socks, but they weren't dry. So, I just had to settle with going sock-less. Bad idea.

My dad parked at his office nearby and said we could walk to the place. It was further than he expected. Then we almost got lost because the campus is so big, so he was concerned that I couldn't find my way home. (That was the initial plan see, he'd drop me off, and then let me go home by myself c:) While we were walking, my shoe kept popping off, which was really annoying and troublesome. I couldn't help but curse under my breath. I hope my dad didn't hear that, but he knew it was causing me trouble. When everything was over, he decided to take me to the train station and wait for him at one of the stations nearer where he parked the car, and then I could wait for him there to pick me up. In the end, that was okay c: (yey dad)

Well, that has been my journey so far. I guess you could include my oral surgery as part of this since that's pretty daunting on its own, but that's for another post. And maybe I shouldn't call these posts "adulthood", or specifically relate it to becoming an adult. I feel like that just makes it larger than it really is. I mean yes, it is in some way, part of my growth to become independent, but at the same time, I need to approach it from an angle in which I don't see it as troublesome or fearsome. I don't know, I'll figure it out when I'm in less pain right now.

Look Ma, I'm an Adult Now

-- LIKE YOU WANT ME TO BE.

I know it's weird to suddenly start using this blog again, but I really really need to write this down. This is going to be part of coming-of-age story and I need to document it. Okay, here we go.

On Tuesday, my first step towards actual, social, material adulthood (I guess I could call it that) was getting my first - you guessed it! - card. Awhile before that, my mum had asked me if I wanted a supplementary credit card, so you know, going plastic was going to be a thing in my life. So we went to the bank and got an account set up and everything.

There was a point in time when they needed my NRIC for the creation of an account, and I remembered my mum telling me to bring my EZ-link card. I assumed my mum wasn't going to bring my NRIC (because she wants me to be ~responsible, ooh~) so I did bring it. I was about to take it out when my mum had my NRIC anyway, so basically I didn't need to bring it.

Shaky start on my path to adulthood: I don't have a signature. The lady assisting us (or should I say, me; it's not my mum who needs this lol) left for awhile, and I told my mum I don't have a signature yet, and she was like, "then you just ask her what to do when she comes back!" And being any teenager who doesn't know how to socially interact and ask questions, this was a tall order for me. The lady came back and my mum was like "she has a question to ask you" and I'm just "uuuuuuuhhhh", because come on mum, what do you expect from me ;w; My mum asked for me anyway, so uh, that turned out okay I guess.

After all that was settled with, we went to get my glasses, did some grocery shopping, then went back home.

My mum passed me my cards (the debit one, my ibanking thing, and my NRIC) and told me to keep them properly. I was putting them in my wallet until I realised: I didn't have my EZ-link card. I was kinda chill about it, thinking that it was still in my pockets, so I checked them. It wasn't there either. Okay, not so chill now. I checked all four pockets, even another pair of shorts I remember wearing a day before; not there either. Now what. I freaked out most of Wednesday, not doing anything about it because hey, I don't want to get killed by my mum if she knew lol

I finally got round to telling my mum on Thursday, after we had a really short swim (it was about to rain), and I could tell she was a little upset. I mean I guess her reaction is to be expected, and I thought it would be worse, so uh, I guess that was okay. She told me things like, I should "get in the habit of bringing a bag around when I go out" (it was just a card, omg) and that I have to be more "responsible with cards" (mum pls) and my quest for the week: to call the places we went to, to find my EZ-link card.

I don't know what level this sort of quest would be. Calling up places is one of the more awkward things to do I think, when you're a teenager. I remember there was one point in time, when my sister was in JC, her then-boyfriend was calling up the bus depot, taxi, or cinema (I'm not sure which one) inquiring about time schedules, and she said that he sounded very "professional/posh/proper". Then there are anecdotes from other people on Tumblr about the Fearful Phone Calls that they have needed to make by themselves. Was this a real struggle? I mean I can understand why it would be, especially after being coddled and taken care of by parents.

Sometimes I wonder if my parents are to blame for my inability to talk to strangers or to ask for things. Maybe I would be okay with these things if they had taught me how to do it sooner. I remember the few times when I was left alone to wait for them, or go somewhere ahead without them, and sometimes it's terrifying when you're a kid. When I went for Sunday catechism classes, I had to reserve a pew for the rest of my family, and I used to get myself worked up when they hadn't come yet, because sometimes there'll be other parishioners who come and sit down in the same pew. And me being afraid to talk to them, wouldn't dare say it's for the rest of my family. (2 bad fam, u were l8 there4 no seat 4 u lol)

Another incident was rather recent, I went to cut my hair, and my mum wasn't allowed to sit in the salon and wait for me, so she went to walk around a bit I think. Halfway through my haircut, my mum came back saying to meet her at Taka - she expected me to get there on my own. Internally I was like MOM WHAT YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME HERE and I was irritated. Maybe it was partly because while we were in the car to the shopping mall, my mum told me not to cut my hair so short, and that the length I had was nice. But I like short hair, it's less troublesome and faster to dry and it's my hair :v So her leaving me to go find her after - expecting me to be independent - after she tried to direct me on how to cut my hair, was contradictory, it was annoying.

She texted me directions on how to get to Taka, and I tried. I got kinda lost, but I roughly knew where Taka was, so I was okay. Partly, I went around on my own out of spite, 'cos she said that I should "go explore" so I was thinking, "sure, I'll go explore if that's what you want." There was a point in time when I had change after paying for the haircut, and I was so tempted to put it all in a donation box - but I can't, because it's my mum's money, I knew that much.

The only troubling thing was that I took quite some time. At one point, while I was trying to orientate myself, she messaged me telling her when I'm done. And I thought "poop, what if I tell her I'm done and she comes back to the hairdresser's and find I'm not there" so it took me awhile to find her on my own lol So that was okay I guess.

Anyway, where was I going with that story? Oh right. I don't know if it would have been better if my parents had encouraged my independence earlier. I realised that in the beginning of JC1 (and a little till now) I'm afraid to ask if I can go out. It was okay if it was with friends, but I was terrified that my mum would say no if I asked if I could go out with The Boob. I'm afraid of asking for things like this, and even if people say "if you never ask, it's always a no!" I'd rather have a definitive "no" than the possibility of a "yes" to be taken away from me when it is an actual "no". lol anyway, that's enough of the slightly-recent past, now is time for the future.

Continuing on with Thursday, my mum passed me her car keys to search the car for it, and when I went downstairs to do so, the car wasn't there. Turns out my sister took the car out to go to work, and when I asked her to look for my EZ-link card, she said it wasn't there :I

So today, I tried calling up the places that we went to: the bank, the optician, and the supermarket. I had been delaying calling them during the day, by distracting myself with Harvest Moon (IloveitokayitmightbeaproblembutlookwhatI'mdoingnowLOL) and I thought that calling during lunch wouldn't be a good time 'cos they probably wouldn't be in then. This was a bit of a doozy, because the question was where to ask first. I searched online for the phone numbers, so I called the optician first.

Second blunder of my journey:  messing up when the optician place picked up my call. I thought I was just going to jump straight into the call and everything I needed to say would be said! Nope. I struggled trying to get past the beginning of the call. It was just a bunch of drawn-out "uuuhhhs" before I could properly get a word out. It was really awkward, I felt like what I said wasn't as coherent as I intended it to be. Anyway, they didn't find my EZ-link card there. Oh well.

Next I tried the supermarket. There were two phone numbers I tried, and neither picked up. Welp.

Last was the bank. This one was kinda tricky and more of a wild ride, because none of the numbers I found online were specific to the branch I went to. Sigh. I actually tried the general number, but it's the usual, automated, "press __" response, so that was useless for me. Then it came to me: call the shopping mall! I found the phone number of the shopping mall (on their facebook page apparently?) to ask for the specific number of the branch, which thankfully, I managed to get! And guess what? The lady who answers the phone calls? She was on leave.

I called the information counter again, and it was the same old man who picked up lol I told him that it was me again, and that the lady he directed me to was on leave, so he went to search for another number. He dug up two handphone numbers, and I was like, wat. H-handphone numbers? He said they belonged to one of the higher-ups in the branch itself, and I think it's kinda questionable if you're able to find a number that goes straight to a person-in-charge - through public means.

Anyway, I tried calling both, both resulted in a voicemail thing, which is understandable, and gladly it didn't really work. That being said though, one of the voicemail thingies said that they worked at so-and-so bank, so I assumed that it was a phone number specifically for work. I tried calling, and I got through! The person though, was overseas. I asked them if they worked at so-and-so bank, and they directed me to the call center. So, I guess it turns out that Information Counter Man brought me too close to the contacts in the bank LOL

I tried calling the supermarket after this uh, encounter, and I had some success. The lady on the other line asked me about when I lost my EZ-link card, and which counter I was at, and a contact number in the case they find it. Hopefully it's there if it isn't anywhere else. Maybe I'll have to personally search the car, and if it isn't there, I'll have to go down to the bank at the shopping mall. At least I remember the first name of the lady advising us on the account, and which room that was in, so there might be some hope there! Only thing though, is that if it's not at the supermarket, I hope they didn't go through so much effort to find it for me ;w;

So yeah, that's my path towards adulthood for you. There were other things, like having to fix a date and time with one of my dad's colleagues, so that I can look around the labs and see what it's like to be a research scientist. That part was kinda scary for me as well because, well, contacting adults and me having to adult. What fun it is to not be the Dancing Queen anymore.