The following will be a list of things I'm grateful for and resolutions (if they relate to the thing), since reflection is about looking at what has happened and what to do better in the future.
- Going to France and Japan: it feels like the two trips were ages ago, when really they were p much at opposite ends of the year lol I'm glad I'm fortunate enough to explore new places and just experience new things, like snow, natural scenery, cathedrals. And it's nice to do things by myself, like walking around Sapporo, going on a pilgrimage with people I don't really know lol
- Resolution: I have to do driving, not just for the practicality in having the ability to drive, but as a way for me to get over my fears of doing something like this on my own. I think I should start preparing and going for theory lessons in January, after my normal school timetable is settled. Hopefully it all works out time-wise.
- Another resolution: Since I ate a lot in Japan, I'm gonna have to get myself moving again. I'll probably skip taking the shuttle bus in the morning and walk to the station to go to school (except when I have classes at 8 or 10 in the morning).
- Getting B+'s: well, it wasn't quite what I expected. I figured that getting an A/A- wouldn't be so hard since you know, we're first years, it can't be that hard lolololol But I think that made me slack, and underestimate how much work I needed to do. And considering that next semester is more jam-packed than this semester, I can't afford to take things lightly. Also, what's really annoying and frustrating, is that I didn't manage to get my SP module - which I die die must do this year - and I don't know if I'll be able to get it, considering how the remaining classes up for bidding overlap with my allocated modules ugh.
- Resolution: well, I haven't really figured out how to resolve this lol orz Also I end almost every day at six!!! to eight!!! pm!!! I don't know how I'm gonna come up with a game plan.
- Having friends: Okay well, I'm not the most sociable of people. I don't consider any of the people I've met in classes and in CSS as "friends", since I still barely know them and they barely know me. For awhile during the past few months, I also isolated myself. For some reason, I started thinking that people didn't really care about me, wanted to talk to me, or bothered to look for me. Of course, unhealthy thinking which may not be true - but I also never felt safe to talk about these thoughts with people, save for three people, since I'm scared of what the rest might think of me. Another reason I don't like hanging out late is 'cos it means either I bother my parents to fetch me home at night, or I walk a kilometer from the main roade in the dark. Despite this though, I'm glad that I had a chance to hang out with people at least once.
- Resolution: Hopefully, if my timetable permits, I can hang out with people from school more often. At least the CSS group have designated lunch times when they meet up, so I think that's a good opportunity for me. Also, during the times when we have sharing sessions, I'll try to be more honest about my thoughts and problems.
- Another resolution: I think I need to change my thought process a little. First, I should try to be more grateful for the things I have, and appreciative of the people around me, because I think one of the reasons I can't help other people, is because I'm too focused on myself. Nothing wrong with having to fight your own demons, but I think focusing on myself too much hinders those closer to me from approaching me - and makes me forget them too.
- Second, when I have problems or stress, I should talk to someone about it. I think the other reason why I don't talk to others, is because I feel like I shouldn't bother other people with my troubles. I guess again, it plays into the cycle of me thinking no one wants to listen to me.
- Having somewhere to go: having to go through this whole thing of moving around, first to a temporary apartment, and now my grandmother's house (yes, we're moving again 'cos we can't afford to stay here for another five days) made me realise how lucky I am to have the things I have. Even if it means having to walk out to the bus stop, taking Dal out on walks, doing the really small chores (refilling water containers, washing/drying dishes), at least I can still live in peace, without being disturbed much.
- Resolution: maybe I can help my mum to do the laundry? That's something to think about.
- Writing more than the past two years: I didn't really notice it until I looked at how many posts I wrote this year. 23, compared to the 4 and 9 I did the past two years. Granted, that was during a time when some things happened, and I thought people didn't care about me, so I didn't see the point in writing anything about my life then lol
- Resolution: hopefully in the new year, I can write about more things. It's just a matter of going out, experiencing things, and writing about them (although, experiencing them is the most important part).
I think I'll be okay. I just gotta look at what I already have, and look forward to the future, even though I'm scared of so many things. Everything will be okay c:
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