potatoes.

For some reason, the past week or so has been spent feeling quite, draining? It's not like I'm particularly busy, I think I've just been feeling, tired and low on energy, or rather, my energy is being spent worrying about work and being afraid of doing a bad job which makes me even more fearful of trying to do work which means less time for me to do a good job.

I know this sounds weird but I feel like I was suddenly tossed all these potatoes and I have to somehow carry all of them in my arms, and I have no where to put them down, and I can't drop them 'cos they're important, and I just have to hold them until I'm told I can drop them. And I'm confused and panicking, "what do I do with these potatoes??", making sure not to spill them, trying to hold everything in.

Sigh.

I don't know what this is lol I just hope I'll be okay. I think I will be. I know that I still have time, and whatever needs to be done eventually (probably) will be. But I just hope that it'll be a decent job, just enough. (but I don't know if it will.)

I'll be okay.

A Tour Full of Dreams

I'm writing this because I have time before my oral presentation for SP. And I don't want to run through my presentation again, I don't want to stress myself out with it lol orz Anyway, since I have time, I might as well update this blog c:

I think the biggest thing that has happened in my life, was last Saturday, when I went with Nas, her siblings, and her twin's friends to watch Coldplay!! It was amazing omg and really, I don't think I could've had this experience if it wasn't for Nas, since she was the one who queued up overnight at the stadium just to get tickets!! And she and her sister started lining up for the actual performance since 9 in the morning.

Gates for the official line opened slightly before 11 am, and we spent most of our time, well, sitting and waiting for the ticket gates to open lol At the time, it was me, Nas, her twin, and her twin's friends in line, but more were coming later - meaning we had to smuggle them in lel That proved to be quite difficult, though. At that time, since there weren't a lot of people around, it was pretty obvious who were at the start and end of the line. Nas's sister (and cousin I think?) came later than us, so they were near the back, and they couldn't just waltz in to the front. So we had to devise a scheme: Nas and I left the queue at around 11.30 am to line up to buy merch, and so did her sister+cousin. Then we met up there, bought our stuff (I got the tour programme booklet and a shirt!!) and headed back to the queue together to our spot lol (This sort of happened a couple of times to smuggle more people in.)

Those 6+ hours went by quite quickly, though. (But long enough for my butt to hurt while sitting ugh) It also started to rain, and it was p heavy that water started seeping in, towards the gates where we were sitting. And you could hear them doing soundcheck, and it was so ethereal. Like, with the size of the stadium and the amount of echoes, everything sounded very ghostly and haunting. Whenever a few familiar chords played, I could feel myself internally freak out!! 'Cos this was real!! It was happeninggggggg

When it was later in the day, you could see huge masses of lines, just waiting outside the stadium. Like the VIP line looked packed enough, but when I went to pee, the line (which practically wasn't a line anymore) for the Pen A standing space extended p far back. Just means you can't afford to come late to a Coldplay concert lol Anyway, soon it was getting closer to 6 pm, and everyone was just waiting for the gates to open. They actually let us in a little bit earlier than 6, even though the VIP tickets already meant we could go in half an hour before everyone else LOL

As soon as they let us go, people were just flying towards ticket gates, to the point that they needed a guy to stand at the line to hold people back lol But I can understand, man. I ran towards the ticket gate, got my ticket scanned, went through bag check, got my xyloband, and went straight for the stage. Even the security people around were like "don't run" but omg no one will stop me I will run. We managed to get the spot at the corner where the main stage and runway met - right at the barricade!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

That was how close we were.

We were freaking out about how close we were! And I'm so grateful that Nas and her twin let me stand right in front!! When I sent this pic to my family chat, my mum was like, "you got good seats?" and my dad said I paid for a spot to see Chris's shoes. Like boi, I'm not here for his shoes, I'm here for only Guy I'm here for all of them!!

The opening act come on at about 7 pm. She was okay I guess, but she had a p cool drummer who gave us a lot of bass which I liked lol I was standing right in front of the speakers, and omg I could feel the vibrations going right through me. Once she was done, the roadies came on stage to set up everything. There was this light rig, that could carry four people up like some carnival ride lol We waved at one of them, and he waved back and even blew us a kiss lol 

By the time it was a few minutes past 8, most of the seats were filled, save for the few remaining people strolling in. But omg when the countdown began, everyone freaked out!! From where I was standing, I could see Phil's head pop up from under stage, and I was like OMG PHIL!! THE BOYS ARE HERE!! And when they came on stage, it was only then that I realised they were real. I could see them in high-definition. It was so surreal omg And I think I got some p good shots! When I showed one of the videos I took to other people, they also freaked out about how close I was to Chris. (Honestly, I think I was just lucky that my zoom function showed a sharp enough picture LOL)

Oh Guy ~

Too bad they didn't do an encore ono Once the lights went back on, the roadies told us to step away from the barricade as they rushed to clear out everything. Can't blame them, they had to rush off to Manila after this. But man, it was so satisfying and fulfilling to see them live, to the point that the day after, I felt so drained, and didn't feel like doing anything, because I would never get to experience the same level of joy and exhilaration again. 

I've heard stories where people went begrudgingly with their friends, but as soon as they started playing omg they were converted. Even though it's been a week since, I still can't get over it.

Right now, I have about half an hour until my class starts, and I have to do my presentation :U If only I could go back to last Saturday...

Semester 2 Update: Woooaaahhh, we're haflway theeere

Oh boy, it's been awhile since I last wrote, huh? I guess it's time for a quick update.

School's been okay, although I can feel myself slackening. I feel like I don't have as much work to do this sem, and heck, I don't even know what is tested during midterms and what's not lol I think last sem I had more work to do, since my Indonesian mod had like work to do almost every week, and we had to read our evolution textbook almost all the time. This sem, we just get lectures and some tutorial worksheets and quizzes to do, but I feel like it's less work compared to last sem.

Also having afternoon classes means that I won't be productive in the morning before I leave for school, or when I come back lol orz Like if I have a class at 12, I usually leave at 10.30, so I have an hour to travel and half an hour to eat lunch. I wake up at 8-9, so I don't do much in like, an hour or two before leaving the house. Coming back, it's probably 6, so it'll be dinner, and then just slacking lel orz That aside though, maybe I should try waking up early so that I can at least do something in the morning before going to school. That's a possibility.

I should probably mention how lucky I was in getting my science comm mod lol I tried bidding during the first time (I failed). So, I had to wait either until the end so I could appeal, or wait for more classes to open. An extra class was open for bidding in the last round of bidding, and omg I didn't know how much to bid, 'cos I didn't want to sacrifice all my points just for this. So, I bid like 650+ points for it. You know what the minimum winning bid was? 670+ and I was like FFFFFFFF I WAS SO CLOSE So no choice, had to appeal lor - which in hindsight was a blessing, 'cos I managed to get a class for only 315 points!! Like!! Hekc yeha man

I kinda like it, 'cos it's what I want to do for a living. Just that uh, sometimes lessons are boring and I don't really pay attention lol orz And actually writing a scientific article is tough. I need to figure out what the highlight of the research is, what I want to focus on, what information is important, how to simplify it, stuff like that. I'm currently not happy with what I have written right now, but then again, I haven't really finished writing what I wanted to put down anyway, so only time will tell.

I've kinda tried to get more involved in CSS? Like they usually have Saturday happenings at the Office for Young People, or they have weekday masses in school/church nearby - and I don't go for those things orz There was a Chinese New Year dinner though, and after being asked repeatedly if I've RSVP'd yet, I finally caved in and just said I'll go. It was okay, got to see some people I've never seen/non-regulars. There was also a Catholic Awareness Week thing, where for two days, a bunch of other diversity groups were holding booths in U-Town. I signed up for it, 'cos hey, I know some stuff after helping out in Catechism, I guess I can be of some use. For three Wednesdays, there were preparation sessions about Catholic teachings and stuff, so that when people ask us questions, we know how to answer. Unfortunately, I missed all three.

The first time, I was coming back from getting my haircut and was wondering if I should go home or not. In the end, the first floor and basement at home was flooded with drainage water (plumbing and toilet works at home were nearing completion, but I guess there were some unaddressed issues), so just as well I went home to help my bro to mop it all up. The second time, was a CNY reunion dinner on my dad's side. The third time, was after I got 1 out of 5 questions correct on our graded chemistry quiz, I dragged my crushed soul back home instead lol So yeah, I guess I've been trying to get more involved.

I'm also helping out in a second round of TOB in church - this time, with a boys group. For some reason, this year was like 2/3 boys and 1/3 girls. I was initially hesitant about taking a boys group, even if I had another dude facilitator with me, because I didn't know how to talk to fifteen-year-old boys. (Do y'all uh, like memes?) Turns out, they're quite willing to answer questions I pose to them, and they talk to me, so that's nice c: I guess the thing about girl groups, is that they can be quite guarded sometimes, and would rather talk about other stuff with their friends. Also, my mum and I are just hanging around for TOB, we're not in charge of the rest of the Catechism year for the sec 3s.

My sister is getting married this year. That aside, Hans could possibly come back around then!! So that's something to look forward to do and to get me through the rest of this semester. I think that's mostly it, for now. Gotta go back to figuring out what to focus on for midterms :/

Updates at Home

I've been meaning to write a follow-up post from the last one, but never really got round to doing it, until now lol

So the problems with the actual house is gonna be resolved soon, I think. The leaking has led to some damages, but the actual amount of water that has been leaking is reducing, I think. And my bro and my bathrooms are gonna be renovated, so hopefully while they're digging up stuff, they can figure out how to solve the leaking problems, and the circuitry in my room can be fixed too. Meanwhile, surviving by candle light isn't so bad either lol (I use it to practice taking out candles using by clapping it out, or by wushu-ing it)

Dal did have some weird problems for awhile. He started limping and kinda walking on one side for a few days, and he couldn't lie down or sleep in peace, so he would just stand up most of the time. Even when we brought him to the vet one night, he would walk fine, just that he would flinch a bit. The vet said that it doesn't seem like anything wrong with is reflexes, but he also mentioned that dogs sometimes pretend, or mask their symptoms. As soon as we got through door back home, he began limping again and kinda half-walked half-fell to the side LOL Such an actor. Even after another trip or two to the vet (and even a specialist) we still didn't really know what was wrong with him.

It wasn't until our maid came back to visit for a day, and when my (second) bro came back from Qatar, that Dal was back to normal, wagging his tail, barking at other dogs, and jumping about. So, we don't know if Dal was just going through a period of doggie-depression. We thought not, because my bro and I are home pretty much all the time now, so technically he isn't lonely. Maybe he just missed having people at home. Even so though, if that was the case, he should be showing symptoms again since my (second) bro has flown back to Qatar, so. I don't really question it, as long as he's fine and not in pain anymore lol Also I take care of him most of the time, bringing him out to pee around lunch time, and giving him his dinner if no one else is home yet, so that's what I've been doing at home lol

So the situation with my maid: we were pretty sure she was gonna fly back. My sister even made a little booklet with our photos and got us to write stuff in it. I even gave her my stuffed bear before I left for school, on the day she was supposed to leave. Fortunately, she managed to find an employer at the last minute, so she stayed with us for a few more days before leaving. During the first week with the new family, things seemed okay. Looking after kids is more fun for her, I think, at least it's not so boring. We even made an agreement with the employers that she can come over to our place on the Saturdays that she's free, since she'd probably go out with her own friends on her free Sundays, so at least on Saturday, she has somewhere to go.

Recently though, I think things have been getting tougher on her, because the previous two maids that were working there, left too, so now she's left to take care of the house by herself, and the employers themselves don't have good personal habits. According to what my mum said, apparently the parents can go out on a Saturday night to drink, and come back locked out of the house 'cos they forgot to bring their keys. The father leaves his cufflinks and his belt in his pants when he's changed his clothes. And I'm like ??????? How can you constantly forget your keys???? And get yourself drunk, like you have to be responsible enough to take care of your own kids!! And do you think that your shit won't get lost in the wash??? So she's hoping to just survive these two years of her contract, and then fly back home.

Anyway, since she's not here anymore, my bro and I have to find out ways to feed ourselves for lunch when we're home lol orz The first time my bro cooked for us, he didn't know how to use the new microwave that functioned as a grill too, so since he didn't know how to use it to toast bread, he just put bread in an oily pan, and fried it. It was quite nice actually, made it crispy, but also very oily. My bro was gonna do that a second time the next day, but as he was putting in the next slice of bread, he dropped it, and Dal snatched it up straight away. He gave up cooking after that, so the next time we were both home for lunch, I had to cook instant noodles, and heat up the sausages in the microwave. I'll be honest, that was my first time cooking instant noodles - so you can see that I'm even more hopeless than he is lol

We probably survived on some microwaveable food for awhile, until my mum left out some filleted fish for us to cook. Once again, it fell on me to cook since my bro wasn't going to. I ended up getting step-by-step instructions from Hans via whatsapp (ikr) on how to cook the salmon. That was my first time frying something with supervision and my god, is it terrifying for me. I put oil in the pan (but it didn't fully cover the pan lol orz) tried putting the fish skin-side down, but it ended up being skin-side up. Then it got stuck. I managed to flip it over somehow, and then the skin got stuck too. At one point I got so scared, I just switched the gas off, and didn't dare touch the pan, so the salmon wasn't fully cooked lol orz I don't know how I managed to get it off of the pan, but I did. And I guess I did cook something edible, even if I had to put it in the microwave for 50 seconds. My mum then later said that that piece was hard to cook 'cos it was pretty thick. Anyway, I was traumatised by it for about a week, until this weekend.

I went shopping with my mum to get a new pan (really, I just wanted to get out of the house 'cos I needed to hatch my egg LOL). The pan was small enough that I could use it, and was non-stick so I didn't need so much oil, and things wouldn't stick to it lol Then when we went to isetan, they were selling salmon fillets marinating in basil and olive oil. Since they were pretty thin, and technically already flavoured, my mum thought it was a good idea to try it. We bought four slices, and cooked three of them that night. At least with some help and someone watching over me, I wasn't so bad. There was a point when I was supposed to flip it though, and some oil splattered onto my hand. It was painful enough that I freaked out and was too scared to flip it, but I still had to do it, so I did lol All three slices turned out okay, just that some where oilier than others. Since I could do dinner, my real test was today - cooking the last piece by myself.

It is pretty evident I came out of it alive LOL Although I did manage to burn the first side orz I got scared again when trying to flip it 'cos the oil was sputtering again (even though it wasn't in my direction) so I turned the fire off orz But then I had to light it up again 'cos the other side would still be raw if I didn't continue. So, I managed to finish it, and put it in the microwave for half a minute for good measure, just in case it was still raw. In the end, I had edible fish. As much as I want to be proud of myself for getting better, I can feel so much judgment that I can envision people having of me lol

Sigh.

As for my knee, somehow it got better over time. My mum gave me some cream thing, but that's only like a painkiller that in itself isn't foolproof. When I sit down and raise my leg from the knee, sometimes you can hear a cracking sounds, like the kind when you crack your fingers lol But for some reason, that now doesn't really happen anymore, which is weird. The true test was during pilates, when one of the exercises looks like this, which uses the knee, and surprisingly, my knee didn't hurt the next day. I don't think my knee has fully healed though, sometimes when we do exercises that needs you to put weight on it, I get a little worried, but so far I've been getting better somehow lol

Apart from all that though, school stuff has been okay. Evolution finals had fewer questions than we expected, stats was somehow more of analysis rather than actual calculations, and my effective reasoning paper was a head-scratcher, but I left early since I figured that extra time wouldn't answer my questions if I really don't have the answers lol Other stuff that has happened is our church's advent fair, where we sell stuff to raise money for a chosen charity that year. We do it at the end of the year during advent (the four weeks before Christmas), along with other things, like actually visiting the organisation, volunteering there, making videos to show during mass so that we can collect more money from the people lol

I helped out by getting some of the girls to sew Christmas ornaments. At first, I thought it would be pretty easy for them to do, but I think like 75% of the work was done by my mum and I lol orz They still did contribute quite a fair bit though. I handed a whole sheet of felt to one of the girls to cut out hearts and stars, and she basically used up everything in one day. I went over to one of the girl's house too, to sew designs on, and taught another how to sew the string that you use to hang the ornaments. All of that saved time, so that I could either study a little bit, or to sew the more difficult parts. Still, I'm glad that they were pretty happy we sold all of it c: My mum told me to finish up the remaining pieces when I'm free, and I even bought another bag of stuffing (which is so much softer btw omg) so I'll probably do some more. I should probably pack my luggage first though, since I'll be leaving for Hokkaido in a week. I can't wait, but it's the packing that I've been putting off :/ So, I guess I'll go do that now lol

University: Recess Week

Right now I should be working (practicing my evolution questions for midterms, doing up my presentation on pseudoscience lol) but my bro was just talking to me, and I thought it would be a good time to write some stuff down. So this post isn't just going to be about school, but also about my bro and some stuff I came to realise after the midterm retreat that I went for held by the Catholic society in school.

2 kool for skool

Where I am now and where I was on the first week has been different: things became a lot more settled after week 2, I think. And I'm fortunate enough to not have a very stressful semester, partly because of the way I wanted to structure my timetable (I was thinking of leaving the afternoon of Wednesday to Friday free so I can find a job, but that didn't happe lol) but also because of the mods I have. I only have two major requirement mods, a freshman seminar mod, that isn't compulsory but contributes to my faculty mods, one general education mod, and Indonesian lol Next semester though, I know will be a lot crazier, with four major + faculty mods allocated to me (two life science, one chem, that GER thing) and have to bid for another faculty mod that I die die must get next semester. So yeah, in comparison, this semester is less crazy than the next.

Learning Indo has been quite fun, actually. At least I get the chance to talk to other people, (and to Hans wkwkwkwk) and learn something completely new. I think it's easier to learn than some of the other languages offered, because 1. it uses the Roman alphabet, so there's no need to learn new characters like in Korean or Japanese, 2. the words themselves aren't that hard to understand, I think. But I suppose the challenge comes from the usage, like not just in sentence construction, but also remembering what certain phrases are. The grammar aspect isn't that hard, once you understand a certain grammatical rule, it's not that bad, but the conversational part is kinda hard to remember. Like if you ask me, "how do you ask what classes someone is taking?" (which is one of the things we learned to say) I cannot remember what the phrase was. If you asked me to read the phrase though, I'd understand it, but remembering what it was in the first place and to use it, is another thing lol

My GEM mod on effective reasoning, is easy when it comes to understanding the "theoretical" aspect of it, but being able to apply it by identifying what is going on in the examples. So I suppose that's the hard part about it, and I don't know if the theoretical aspect is gonna get harder as we go on lol orz

My freshman seminar mod is basically about the process of scientific inquiry, and what sort of science comes out of it when you follow the process (good science), not fulfill certain parts of the process (pseudoscience), or take matters into your own hands (ugly science). Right now is about pseudoscience, which I'm supposed to do a presentation on one example of a pseudoscience, but guess who's writing a blog post instead lol It's been interesting, and at least has given me an opportunity to write an article that is (somewhat) scientific ('cos we're allowed to do on things that are based in psychology, but trying to explain the science behind that can be difficult), and I realised that I need get back into writing something, anything. I need to practice writing again lol

Evolution is kinda hard to study, 'cos almost everything is new, and we do a chapter each lecture (that's two chapters a week) and of course reading a textbook as it is is hard to do. I suppose I'm also fortunate enough to have the time to read through the textbook, so I have to make good use of my time. Stats is bleh for everyone.

Tuesdays are my long days: I have my stats lecture at 8, and my freshman seminar mod that ends at 6. And I guess in some way that's a good thing for me, because group meetings for the science faculty Catholic group is on Monday and Tuesday night (you can choose either one to go for). Since I'm in school till 6, might as well go right lol

Midterm Retreat

This was an interesting experience for me, and it was quite different from the freshman orientation camp run by the Catholic group. Long story short, I suppose I learned a couple of things from it:

1. The role of Catholicism in my life plays more than just how I live my life and what it motivates me to do (wanting to be a person for others and helping others who need me), but also a place to go back to. I suppose I kinda saw Catholicism as having two parts: your own relationship with God, but your relationship with other people and a need to be a person for others. I think for quite a while, I always thought I had the first, and that now I had to focus on the second, but then I realised that that wasn't what I needed. After a while, you need to go back, not get ahead of yourself, and remember to focus on you as a person, not just who you want to be.

That being said, I aslo realised that sometimes I should open up to other people, and not just be the listener all the time lol Even though I may not have major issues right now, I also have to recognise that there'll be a time when I can't carry absolutely everything, and to allow myself to be vulnerable as well.

2. Honesty with yourself. It's more than just recognising things about yourself or the situation you're in, it's also about accepting them. I think sometimes, there is this unspoken expectation for ourselves to be okay all the time, and if something is wrong, then you're the problem, there's something wrong with you, because you know, everyone else seems to be fine. And because of this expectation, we put on a facade, of what is "normal", and leave all the problems hidden within us. This is the first layer of being honest with yourself: admitting that you're not okay.

I think the next layer, is not to just admit you have problems and hold them in your hands, but to accept it and surrender yourself. Of course, that's always hard to do, especially when you feel like you need to get rid of certain problems, that are a part of you who you are. How do you cut off a part of you? Which I suppose goes onto the point of my bro.

My Bro

So, my brother has been coming to talk his feelings out with me recently, for a few weeks already. Basically, he met this girl on Tinder (I know, not the best place to find the kind of person he needs, but I think he got p lucky with the person in question), and his anxiety started acting up. Basically, she's not that responsive on whatsapp due to the nature of her work as a dentist, and that sort of made him paranoid, thinking that she wasn't interested in him. But the good thing is that he knows how to differentiate what his anxiety and bad experiences tell him, and what the truth is, just that the problem lies in having to always make that distinction, and knowing how to kick out the bad thoughts. And I suppose it's been harder for him to cope with that recently, since he doesn't have school or anything to distract him during his month-long break, but he knows what he needs to do, in small ways like just going out to the library, instead of staying cooped up at home. Long story short, he knows what he needs to do with the feelings he has, but doing it isn't easy. Which I suppose in some way, is kinda different from what he told me tonight.

I think he's been getting comfortable and used to the idea of knowing that she won't be able to reply him all the time, and that he just has to accept that that's a thing that he needs to do. It's not just head-knowledge anymore: he knows that she's busy, she's her own person, she likes him even if she doesn't show it through whatsapp, he shouldn't over-think what she possibly thinks of him, he should do his own things and develop himself instead etc. And tonight, he came in telling me that happiness is about learning to accept the situation you're in. Like during previous nights, we've kinda discussed how as people, we think that things are okay because we're in control of the situation: it's going the way we want it it to go, to follow our expectations, and anything that strays from it (when it goes "out of our control") then things have gone to absolute shit lol 

But I guess the problems we face aren't things to be solves, they're things to overcome, and sometimes you can only get past it by pushing through. Like his anxiety: it won't go away, it's not something that can just be taken from him, but it's something that he needs to learn how to manage. His past hurts and bad experiences, yeah, they've left scars, but he knows he can't hold onto the judgement he has of the person who had harmed him, and that he has to let himself heal. So as of now, he recognises and accepts the situation he's in, that he doesn't have direct control over, but he knows that he should still be doing what he's capable of doing in the mean time.

I think it's not exactly new insight, like at some point in time I also came to the realisation that there are things you just need to accept or overcome, but seeing it play out in someone else's life serves as a nice reminder. I am glad though, that he's opened up to me, and that he himself is growing, even if it seems slow, in hindsight it's quite fast lol Anyway, that's how the past six weeks has been lol

University: Week 1

I can't believe it's only been a week, like somehow, it's felt longer than that? Although, there has been a lot of things that has happened.

Last Weekend
Saturday night, knowing that I could bid for the last vacancy in the GES I wanted, I sent an email to the lecturer asking if I could sit in the first lecture even if I haven't secured a spot in the module, and she was fine with that. Fast forward to Monday though...

Monday
Round 3A of bidding. Ah yes, I was intending to use that round to bid for my SP, which unfortunately, wasn't available at all. That GES, I checked the bids for it. Lowest minimum bid? 606 (thats almost teh deviles's number!!!!!) So I ended up replying to the lecturer saying that I probably won't sit in since I can't possibly get in as a freshman lol (darn seniors saving up their points and spending it all in year 2...) So in the meantime, I applied for Indonesian, and  continued with school as per normal.

First lesson of evolution was quite interesting, at least I like the female lecturer we have. My GET, eh, since it was a back up mod, I guess I can't expect much out of it. At least I have an OG mate with me, so that makes things less worse. By the time that ended, I was on my way to the station, and decided to check my email, to see if the lecturer replied. She did, but I checked too late.

Her email said that I could still sit in, but by the time I reached the station, the lecture was gonna start in like, 10 minutes. I thought to myself, okay, 10 minutes I can make it back in time, right? Well technically yeah, if you take the bus in the right direction. I took the bus to the end of its line, and thought that maybe I should just go home. I emailed the lecturer (honestly I don't know what's with me and unnecessarily emailing her omg I realise that maybe I sent too many indeterminate emails)  saying that I saw her reply too late and that I won't be coming in 'cos I was already on the way home. So, I had to take the bus back to the station. But guess what? The bus was gonna pass by the lecture theatre, where the lecture was being held!! I told myself that if I didn't get pass by the lecture theatre by 4.30pm, I'd go home - but I got to the LT on time, so screw it, I just went ahead and sat in, half an hour late lol

During the lecture itself, I felt like maybe this was a mod worth fighting for, like I should at least try to appeal for it, and whether I get it, is up to whoever is in charge lol Even if the mod depended quite a bit on doing things outside of school schedule, like going to nature reserves in your own spare time, I thought that it was something worth doing, and that if I want to get myself involved in science in Singapore (or at least reporting stuff) this is something I should do. But that would have to wait till I had the chance to appeal, on Thursday.

Tuesday
National day lol Everyone else was out and about playing pokemon, I stayed at home, 'cos 1. I didn't want to go out so far lol and 2. Istilldon'tlikethatpersonwithapalindromicnameandIdidn'tunderstandwhypeoplewerestillgoingtotheirplacejustforpokemonlikeomggg Also, I had switched off my phone to charge, and during that time, Joanna had messaged me saying they were at Botanics. I saw that message like one and a half hours later, and when she replied, they had already left lol

I went out with my bro that night, while NDP was being aired, to just walk around our neighbourhood, like from our house, to the main road, walked a bit along the main road, and then back in. At first when he said that we can go on a poke walk, that we would be going to botanics, but nope, just around lol But I suppose I'm p fine with just the two of us walking around, and hatching our 2-km eggs lol

Wednesday
Not much that day, since I planned for two tutorials that day. There was the GES lecture in the afternoon though, which I went for. I left early, 'cos the shuttle bus timing closest to 4pm was 3.20pm which would be barely enough time for me, so the next earliest bus was like 1.35pm lol Guess what though, I missed that bus, so I ended up walking all the way to the bus stop at the main road. I even got on to the wrong bus, and stopped at a bus stop somewhere near the Adam road hawker centre, and decided to walk to Botanics from there. It wasn't that far anyway, and there was a starmie at the hawker centre that I wanted to catch, so that worked out well LOL I spent about an hour walking around Botanics, draining my battery from about half to 37%, but I caught quite a couple of pokemon, like a dratini that I never caught before!

Then I headed to school, which in hindsight, I didn't have to go for, 'cos all the lecturer did was brief us again on coursework, grading, and the situation about how she's still waiting for a reply on whether she can increase the intake of students. Basically not really new information. I did drop by the co-op to buy my evolution textbook - and even if our OG mate found it online, I'll still use the hardcopy lol ('cos at this point, I pretty much have to.) We were released early, and by the time I was on blue line, I missed the 5.30pm shuttle bus, so I ended up in Botanics (again) for another half an hour and just walked around, until heading to the bus stop for the shuttle bus to go home.

Thursday
Finally, the day I can appeal. Went to school for our evolution mod, appealed for GES during that time (although now that I think about it, maybe I should've taken a little bit more time when it came to writing my reason for appealing, but to be fair, I didn't really know what kind of reasoning they wanted so lol ) and went around school a little out of it. For some reason that morning, I woke up with my head feeling heavy, and I think it might have been because of the vaccination I had on Tuesday, and my exposure to the sun on Wednesday. I still went with Ju to look at the student's life fair, but we didn't stay very long before we went to Clementi for lunch, and then headed back.

We were coming back to school in the evening though, for this mentorship programme that we signed up for within life science. The group I have, I don't really know them, except for one Indian girl I talked to quite a fair bit. But I guess I also know that there are other people I now know of in the same ST session as me (I didn't see them today though, but then again I was rushing to school since it was at 8 in the morning, and I took public transport!!) It's also nice to know some insight from a year 4 student, and listening to the seniors. We ended up reaching the station by about 9.30pm, so yeah, we were there for quite awhile.

Friday
My appeal failed. So, Indo it is, which isn't such a bad thing, after today's lesson, but that's later in the morning.

My first official ST lesson this morning, at 8 (sigh) Not much new information. The lecturer just recapped some stuff she said in the webcasted lecture, and even the stats she talked about was nothing new to us, just same old stuff from JC. I guess to be fair to those who went through poly, or the year 2s that are sitting in, they do need a refresher on the basics. But so much of it could have been cut down and shortened, and if she did, I wouldn't have needed to rush for my make up Indonesian class. (The Indonesian lecture slot I had bid for was on Tuesday, so we had to go for one of the make up ones on Thursday/Friday - but it's all the way in arts, in a building I've never been in, on the sixth floor.) I left before she finished talking, and just rushed to arts. I even ran up the stairs of the hilly portion leading to the canteen.

Surprisingly, I actually enjoyed today's Indonesian lesson. Everything was p straightforward, simple sentences, the meaning of the whole sentence can be deduced (each individual word, not really lol) and I guess I felt some sense of accomplishment pronouncing things correctly and being able to follow lol Maybe I was under the impression that learning a new language was hard, and I was always afraid of pronouncing Indo words in case I butchered it lol orz But yeah, I left the class feeling p happy with myself. I was supposed to meet up with Jessica today, 'cos I wanted to pass her some stuff I bought for her from France, and she was at NUH anyway - but I forgot to bring the things :I I also did another dumb by topping up my adult-fare EZ-link with $20, forgetting that we have a student one. (I haven't gone to get it yet though, so I suppose my mistake wasn't unreasonable lol)

Yeah, that's how my week has been so far. After typing it out, I don't really know what to make of it lol but it is what it is, and at least things have turned out okay c: (Until tutorial balloting is over, but that's another challenge on its own orz)

University: O-Week and Week 0

I didn't know if I can blog about my science orientation week, since you know, drama about orientation camps, but I guess I can say some things.

Initially, I thought I was gonna be awkward 'cos you know, talking to and meeting new people. And I guess when I sat down to one of the guys during lunch and tried to talk to him, there wasn't much to go on, like he was almost interested in nothing after working at a Crocs store almost all day every day. I guess that kinda gave me a bad vibe of what the rest of the camp would be like: awkward conversations, having nothing to talk about with these people lol That was until, I sat down next to the guy, who listens to ancient Chinese songs, and discovered he's actually a weeb. Then talking to people on the train during one of our trips out and about, we learned we have a lot of people who watch anime. At least that made me feel more comfortable than compared to the Catholic camp lol orz Also Julia was there, so that made me feel better c:

Our OG also won the very first round of games on the first day, even though the remaining games were won by one OP house... At least that was something to our name lol And to my surprise, I actually felt disappointed when we were told the camp would be cancelled halfway. And that's coming from me, someone who was hesitant about orientation camps and socialising with people lol

Anyway that aside, bidding for modules has been a painful experience for me. During round 1, I was hoping to bid for my SP and one of the freshman seminar mods, and I ended up not getting either :/ During round 2A, I thought I would only need to bid for my GEMs, but then I discovered I could bid for my freshman mod too!! So I did bid for that lol And one of the GES/H, that I didn't know was a popular mod - but I Had no idea it would be so popular, and surprise surprise, I got outbid again. So now, after 2A, I ended up bidding for a GET that I didn't want to do, but I guess I can live with it, 'cos it's kinda TOK-based lol Also I learned that Crocs Boy is in my class too, so I guess having someone in the same position as me (it was a back-up plan for him too) makes me feel a little better.

All that I needed left was my SP, but I just learned that it's not available for bidding in round 3, so that's out the window. However, one of the GESs I wanted is available - but only one spot, and I don't know whether I should risk it. I mean I'll still try and bid for it, but as to whether I get it is another thing. Also if I do get it, it means I'll have missed the first lesson since it starts on Monday, the same day as bidding, and I don't want to miss a lecutreeeeee My back-up though, is taking Bahasa Indonesia LOL Honestly that's not a bad idea, since I have an Indo boyfriend and I should learn how to speak his language. Also taking up another language is not such a bad idea, it's a useful skill. But I guess I'll just have to wait till Monday to see what happens.

TL;DR bidding for modules is horrible, causes me a lot of heart pain and stress lol Just hope that next sem my compulsory mods get allocated to me... Module bidding is very sian and has characterised my week before school actually starts. Oh well :/

Shoes and Socks, Laboratories, Teenagers, and France

I haven't done much the past two weeks, mostly because I was waiting for the 18th of January (later changed to the next day) to come around, which was when I was to go to the physiology lab at NUS for some work experience. In the meantime, I didn't have much to do, really, except practice piano.

omg shoes

I think I went shopping for more craft supplies one of the days, and I don't know what is wrong with me, but I always wear the wrong socks with my shoes. The first time was when I sent Hans to the airport, and I thought wearing my short black socks with my sunflower shoes, but that meant the tongue of my shoe rubbed against my skin. When we went to look for cheap socks, they sold four at ten bucks, and since we couldn't just buy one pair, I had to buy four at one shot. But the socks were stuck together by thread so Hans had to rip it apart for me and I just changed my socks in public. Another day, when I went to buy craft supplies, I wore socks that were too thin for my shoes, so my shoes kept falling off my heel making it really hard to walk in. Again, I bought another pair of socks, and they had the plastic thing instead, but I managed to pull it out since socks are elastic. To be honest, I had seriously considered bringing one of my proper socks with me that day. I can't believe I didn't just wear proper ones asdhofalsdkjfad If anything, I'm now armed with more socks so I can't go wrong - unless I make a really dumb decision again.

I did go back to school for open house, because I had to pass a junior my literature books anyway, so I thought I might as well be there to help out at the history booth. I spent most of my time at the history booth talking to our history teacher, Mr B. But kids being kids that aren't really interested in history, it was pretty boring. I tried reading one of the history magazines laid out, and I don't remember a single thing from what I read. I don't think that many people came to the booth. The new syllabus is pretty interesting though, like I would go back to school just for the lessons on Japan and the American civil rights movement, but I think that's in their second year, so I can't really since uni.

When I talked to Mr B, he kept telling me to get a job and I was like, yeah I know lol But I hadn't gotten word from the physiology labs at NUS yet, see, so I couldn't get a regular job until I knew when I was free. The lab technician lady went on holiday for like three weeks, and she was only coming back on the 18th, so that was a pretty long break of having nothing concrete to do. I even told him about my parents being in Doha to see my bro, and he was astounded by how I didn't want to go. Come on Mr B, who wants to go to the desert, but he was like how could you pass up an opportunity to expose yourself to a new culture. Touche, Mr B, but I couldn't do anything about it anyway lol

Lab experience

Since the lab tech lady was only coming back on the 18th, I assumed she wouldn't be in that day, so I decided to go the next day. I spent the 18th with the Boob when he came back to get his grades remarked. We couldn't spend much time together though, because his flight was the same night, and he had to pay phone internet bills that he hasn't done for the longest time. We went down to one of those mobile service provider stores, and it turned out that he didn't need to pay - he actually had money to collect instead. Turns out what he owed was paid using his deposit so he just needed to pick up the rest of the deposited money, but that needed a letter too. So, we went down to the hostel, searched for the letter, picked it up, and went back to the service provider store. But he couldn't collect the money. What he needed was a different official letter that allowed him to collect the money - which would be sent to him in a week. Welp, We went to watch Ip Man 3, so das nice. (The beginning was pretty hilarious, and the movie wasn't that dramatic with the fighting, but it was a nice change of pace to see Ip Man as a husband rather than just as an upright and righteous man.)

Now is the real important stuff: lab work. I had gone to the labs before with my Dad, so I roughly remembered where I needed to go. I got stuck for a little while because I couldn't remembered how to get to the Science department's canteen, but I managed. There wasn't really a fixed time for me to come down, so I technically wasn't late lol The lab tech lady showed me around the labs and brought me through the lab safety protocols, like knowing where the liquid nitrogen tanks were, the keys to the chemical cabinets, what kinds of waste goes into which coloured plastic bags, all that stuff. We probably spent a good hour and a half going through all of it, and things seemed like I could get an access card to the labs so I can come down on my own when I want to - but I couldn't. There was one bit on the list that I couldn't do: I think there was some kind of quiz assessment I had to take before I could get a card of my own, but the assessment was only available to those already in NUS. Since I was technically an outsider, I wouldn't be allowed to take it. The lab tech did say that I could contact either her or the PhD student I'm shadowing when I'm there, so that they can open the door for me, so that's still okay for now.

I spent the last half hour talking to the PhD student I was going to observe. I guess I wasn't really allowed to do any experiment of my own since, after all, it's her research work and she couldn't possibly risk anything if something went wrong because of me. Also because I wasn't there for official research purposes of my own. Still, following her around and observing her experiments isn't so bad. I think it's something about a protein and how it affects the formation of the cell membrane of cancer cells. There was something else about another kind of protein that affected the expression or formation of genes in stomach cancer cells, so the theoretical stuff she was talking about wasn't that foreign to me. She did say that sometimes the experiment itself can get repetitive, so I suppose I don't have to be there every day since there's not much point in observing the same couple of things repeatedly. I'll probably follow her around when the new PhD student joins the lab, so I can learn along with the new student. I should probably check with her when that's gonna happen.

teenagers

The other thing that has kept me busy is Theology of the Body, and I have discovered that I really don't know how to be a facilitator of my group. I think it's partly hard for me because 1. three of the girls already know each other so I'm the odd one out, 2. I know one of the girls. I don't know her personally, but I know of her and she knows of me because of children's choir. I was kind of hoping I could get a group where none of them know me so that sharing things with them would be easier since there would be no existing basis on which they could judge me or something. I was never social in church, not among fellow catechism kids or in the children's choir. Also I feel very out of my element because I feel like I have almost nothing in common with them. WHERE ARE THE WEEBS AND THE FANDOM FANGIRLS LET ME BE AMONG SOME PEOPLE I CAN RECOGNISE Also one of the girls is really quiet. My mum says it's because she's friends with the girl who was supposed to be in my group, but she changed parish. Still, I'd rather a quiet girl that I can talk to one-on-one than three girls who talk among themselves with whom I don't belong with lol Can't u tell Im a gr8 teenagr who is hip and kool and rel8table.

Anyway, while going through all the preparation for this, I was worried that they, as fifteen year-olds, wouldn't understand sexuality, relationships, or have even thought about it. I don't mean to say kids their age haven't experienced relationships or felt confused about themselves, but I think TOB makes more sense when you've been through relationships and problems - and you're fully aware of what is going on in such things. But then I came to the conclusion that it's only by going through such things and reflecting back on them, that you're then truly aware, so age doesn't matter.

I think it's more accurate for me to say that I'm worried they don't have the maturity and ability to look at experiences, reflect on them, and identify what they have done wrong or where to grow. Yeah, I think it's the ability to reflect, recognise mistakes, and knowing how to move on from there that they need. Even my Mum says that she wished she could do this for older teenagers who are at least a little wiser and more exposed, but as it is with Catholic teenagers in my parish, not many would want to come back for such things. And if we don't do it now when these kids are still in catechism, no one else will educate them on the church's perception of sexuality and our individual selves. It's at least better that we teach them these things while they're still in church before they leave.

Anyway, regardless of their maturity or age or whatnot, our purpose with TOB for now is to educate them, even if they don't fully understand it right now at their age. The point is to equip them with knowledge about how to wholesomely perceive sex and sexuality, and maybe some day in the future, when they're faced with such situations, they'll think back and use whatever it is we taught them to help them make their decisions. As long as they learn something new that is useful to them in the future, then we've done our job. Also it's about aiding them make decisions, not dictating them how to live, because ultimately that's their choice in the future.

I can't remember how my train of thought came to the topic about age and maturity lol I remember while I was reflecting on how TOB would be carried out, I was thinking about how embarrassing and cringe-worthy secondary school was like. You know, it's like when you wish past-you was current-more-knowledable-you so that past-you could have avoided all the embarrassing stuff that happened. But then I realised, that it is only by going through the embarrassing stuff - and reflecting on them - that you learn from them and grow in maturity. The fact that you can recognise how embarrassing things were means that you've grown. As much as I don't like fifteen year-olds because of the immaturity they possess right now, I can't disregard the fact that they have to go through it now so they can be better, more self-aware people later (as long as they actually reflect on what they've done wrong).

I feel like this part about teenagers and growing up is all disorganised, even though I had thought through it a lot whenever it crossed my mind. There's just so many things to take into consideration about maturity and the different kinds of experiences you've been exposed to while growing up, and how that affects your understanding and perception when you're older.

hon hon hon

The thing about going to France is a very recent issue that came up, in the most unpredictable, unexpected way. I think what's more surprising is that I'm allowed to go.

Last Sunday, I went downstairs to the church office to get the air-conditioner remote for the choir room, and as I was leaving, I saw Father R there. He came up to me (which I thought was weird because he doesn't really have business with me) and asked if I had anything to do from now until uni, and I told him I was free most of the time, and he was like good, you wanna go for another pilgrimage, and I was like wat. It was so out of the blue, and big trips like these need planning. It isn't just open to anyone - and it was in April, which I think in relation to the months of preparation they do, is quite short-notice. Like I didn't even know there was a France trip, meaning that the invitation for it must have been sometime last year. Neither did I think of Father R to be this spontaneous about something that needs a lot of organisation. He told me to ask my Mum if both of us can go, and he even told me to tell her that he said "things happen for a reason" as a way to sell this deal to her, because I just so happen to be there when he was around.

To be honest, I was pretty interested in going, but I don't really know why, or at least, I don't remember why lol Maybe it was because it felt like an honour to be invited since Father R asked me and not anyone else. Or maybe because it was like "ooh, France" and I quite enjoyed the trip to Austria, so hey, this trip should be pretty fun too. Anyway, I messaged my Mum about it, and she was like "April?? Sigh!!" because we still had TOB to run, at least in the first half of the month, and she, of all people in the TOB team can't afford to leave since she's in charge of it all. Even if we couldn't go, I wasn't that disappointed either because the suggestion popped out of nowhere, that if we didn't go, it wouldn't make much difference to us anyway.

That was, until my Mum got a call from Father R that same night - suggesting that I go on my own. If you know the young babby child that I am, that's a pretty big deal. When my Mum told me that, I was dumbfounded. Like, I have to be responsible for myself there. And I don't know anyone except a few people, since most of those going are newly baptised adults. I have to take care of my own passport and everything!! I could feel the anticipation and excitement of going somewhere on my own creeping up on me, and I was actually looking forward to it, even if it meant I had to be responsible for myself and careful, since it was France. But I didn't really care, because !!!!!! This is gonna be excite!! My Mum went to church on Monday morning (since she goes for daily mass anyway) to ask about the details and everything - and apparently I have the approval of my parents to go? I'm pretty sure they're trying to get rid of me lol and maybe this is the chance to.

That's probably the biggest thing that happened this week, to me at least. My Mum is getting a new Honda. I mean she's been looking at eco-friendly hybrids because her car is getting old and the COE for it is expiring soon, I think, and she wanted something that would save money and the environment. But the reason why she's getting a new Honda, is because the one now has been causing problems from wear and tear, and just on Tuesday the radiator overheated, so my Mum had to send it for servicing. While she was there, she decided to go buy a Jazz since it's cheaper than the hybrids she had considered earlier, and at least the service at Honda is reliable so das good. The car won't come until a few months from now, but the payment and all that was settled yesterday when I went out shopping with her.

I think my overall plan for the coming months in chronological order is:
1. Piano exam - March
2. Lab work - Mid-Jan to March-ish
3. France trip - April

With all that in consideration, I think I can definitely find a regular job Mid-April. Right now, piano lessons are twice weekly, I don't know how often I should go to the lab (since it could get repetitive and I can't do anything on my own there lol), and April trip. I could probably sell paper flowers for now, but I'm gonna try and make a proper bouquet first before I know what I can sell. Also I should probably tell my Mum just so she knows what I'm doing and where I am in case of anything. I should probably also learn a little French for April, (and some Indonesian lol) since I have time. Oh right, I still have to apply for uni LOL

Look Mr B, I'm spending my time wisely  lol

Results + Flying Boob

We got our IB results on the 5th, last Tuesday, but it still feels so surreal. The days leading up to the 5th, I was so nervous and worked up by the possibility that I didn't do enough. It was more of a fear of the unknown, because I didn't really know what to expect. I thought the worst I could do was 38, and that would just be enough for NUS, I think, but I didn't want to risk it either, so from the beginning of last year, I had set my sight on 40 or above.

Magically somehow, I managed a 41!!! Which I'm really proud of - until hear of other people scoring higher lol But I don't feel like I did back during PSLE or O levels when I heard other people doing better. I think by this age and after going through IB, they really deserve it c: And even if I had the chance go back in time to redo these past two years to get a better score, I wouldn't. I might get biology and history remarked though, since they're so close to the next grade. (There's no hope for my English lol that was a poopy paper anyway) The only thing I'm really upset by in my scores is my EE. Gosh diddly darn science EEs, being marked strictly. Then again I guess my EE report wasn't that fantastic either, but I couldn't do much more to it.

Anyway, after getting results, the story of how I got home really late came about. The Weebs (I should probably use their names, makes things easier: Stanley, Bei, Daryl, Hans) headed to Bei's house to sort of celebrate. While we were on the way to her place, we stopped by a supermarket to buy some stuff. We just so happen to be at the cashier with condoms. Stanley asked how screwed would I be if there was an opened pack in my bag. Answer: very. Even if Daryl said it meant I had the "mindfulness" to use protection, I'd probably be killed, and then resurrected, only to be killed again.

Then he said that I should buy one for my bro, hide it in his bag, or tell him I "got the goods" as a prank. That seemed funny at first, but then I remembered that my mum told me in the car that morning to school, to hook my brother up with any nice girls in university. I was like MOM PLEASE SIX YEARS DIFFERENCE but she was actually serious about it. My bro has had a bad experience with a poopy girlfriend. One of the girls he went on a date with was like the sister of one of the friend's of my other bro, so that would be kinda awkward; and after a recent date, he said she was ignorant, and I guess naive. My bro's been through some shiet, but I think that has made him more aware and mindful of the kind of people to associate with. Anyway, giving my bro a pack of condoms as a joke is pretty sad in his case. Also, it would not turn out funny, the consequences are not worth the joke.

Anyway, the time at Bei's house was pretty fun. The Weebs played mahjong, but catching up on animal crossing was my priority LOL They taught me how to play before, but I still don't know when to do what and what is allowed. Then other people like Jonathan, Rad, Abbi, and even Ning came by. Apparently Jon wanted to learn how to play MMORPGs, so Stanley and Daryl tried to teach him how to play Leg o' Legends. We all ended up playing our own games some how, like even Bei showed Yandere Simulator to Jon and Ning. We had PIZZAAAAAAA for dinner, and went upstairs to play Saboteur after.

Man, playing Saboteur the first time round when we slept over at Bei's was a wild ride. Each player is given one of two roles, miner or saboteur, but no one knows who's who. The miners have to work towards the gold, which is also hidden out of three cards, and the saboteurs have to well, sabotage them, either by purposely misdirecting the path to the wrong card, or preventing other people from building paths. The first time we played, we went insane with trying to figure out who to trust and who is the saboteur or not. I broke down, crying (not just from laughing too much) after accidentally sabotaging Hans because I thought he was a saboteur, when he was a miner too. And gosh ddiddly darn Daryl, trying to seem so friendly and trustworthy, just to throw us off regardless of his role like omg stop the Jedi mind tricks. Ning, if you're reading this, that night was nothing compared to the sleepover.

Anyway, by the time we left Bei's house, was almost ten. During dinner, I was really worried about time, because I didn't want to reach home too late. Even though my parents never explicitly gave me a curfew, I can't help but try to get home around 8 or 9 so that they don't have to worry about me. Yes, my curfew is self-imposed LOL It was late enough that my mum said she was going to sleep, so that meant no ride home from the bus stop or train station, unless I asked my dad instead, but that wouldn't be very nice for him either. Luckily I had Hans to walk home with, because he was sleeping over, so it wasn't so bad walking in the dark.

The Boob was dumb enough to forget renting a place at the hostel when he was coming back to Singapore to collect results. The scholars were discussing it in our group chat, so that's when I knew he was gonna hobo. He said that he could hobo in the airport, which apparently he has done before. I told my mum about it and she was like "aiyah how can", so my mum letting him stay over wasn't a problem. But then his mum didn't want to, because she didn't want him to impose. That meant he would probably have to fly here and back within the same day - until his dad said he could stay if my parents were fine with it. So that's how the Boob stayed over for the night.

We reached home by around 11.30 pm, which is the latest I've ever been home on my own. Because he was staying over though, it meant that I couldn't go for the netball party the next day, since I had to bring him to the airport. We spent most of the day going through my old stuff (diaries that NONE OF YOU ARE ALLOWED TO READ EVER) and watching TV before leaving the house to go the airport. This was a journey in itself, because halfway as we were walking out to the main road, it started to rain. And I swear, that it was pure bad luck because it pretty much wasn't raining anywhere else. Also I wore the wrong socks with the wrong shoes, and with the rain it was even worse, as the tongue of my shoe was rubbing my skin. Why do I always somehow get my feet injured from shoes ;w; It's my poor decisions with socks... Anyway, that meant we had to make a detour to find socks, which meant taking more time.

We kinda had to anyway, since Hans had to bring his cousin's SIM card that she left back in Indonesia. And since we were interchanging at Bugis, we went to buy socks. The cheapest pairs we found were 4 for $10, and we weren't allowed to just buy one pair, so guess who has an extra three pairs. (if anyone wants, please tell me, they're ladies' size) When I went to change my socks in the toilet, they had that stupid thread that kept the two socks together and I was like hhhhhhhhh I had to go back to Hans, and he managed to rip the thread apart, and just change my socks in public. Even though so much time was taken up by socks and rain, he wasn't late for his plane so that's good.

Admittedly, I wasn't looking forward to bringing him to the airport and sending him off because feels. Yes, being the crybaby I am, I cried a little at the departures gate don'tjudgeme I don't care if the damn flight is an hour and a half long, physically saying goodbye ain't easy, bruh ;w; I was okay when I was heading back to the train though lol Even Coach messaged me to thank me for giving him a flower I made. I jokingly said that I could make a whole bouquet if he needed, and he took it seriously. So guess who's gonna make the monies from selling paper flowers!! That reminds me though, I need to buy PVA glue, crepe paper, and more skewers (maybe more green paper tape?). I probably will when I pick up my Coldplay CD and meet Ju this Saturday.

Yeah, that's what happened the past few days. Not very exciting lol

Adulthood: Universities and Scholarships

I was too lazy to go back to my previous adulthood post, but there were some stuff in there that I forgot to mention.

The reason why I was looking at the scholarship in the first place, was partly to do with me looking at overseas universities. Initially, I was interested in Durham and UBC after some of their people came to introduce the universities to us. It all sounded very fun and exciting, and a sort-of Plan B. When my mum knew, she was upset about it, saying that none of my siblings have done their undergraduate studies overseas, and money. And honestly, I don't know why money is a problem, considering how things are going. Even if I were to pursue the issue and these things weren't a problem, I still have to stay for my braces.

Also, if I am serious about journalism, wouldn't it be smart for me to apply for a journalism scholarship anyway? Even if there were a bond to serve regardless of where I went, I would have a job for at least a couple of years. However, when I went to the scholarship talk session, I didn't realise that the admission process involved an internship. It makes sense: you'd want to at least see if the people you're investing money in, can actually do a decent job as a journalist, even if they cover small stories. Frankly, that portion of the admission process deterred and frightened me, because uh, hello, socially awkward person here. I mean I guess I'm not as bad as the term implies, but it's definitely not the first thing I'd jump at. (Wow, all the more reason for me not to become a journalist, huh...)

That aside, I realised that I didn't really need it - at least, not right now. After the little meeting with my dad's professor-friend at the laboratory, my dad said that if I'm staying here, I don't really need a scholarship. I mean I still could go if I want the internship experience, and that's not a bad thing (apart from maybe, cutting short my time at the labs since the journalism internship is around March). I even forgot that the scholarship isn't limited to undergraduates, until my dad reminded me. when I got home, I realised a possible course of action.

If I didn't take the scholarship opportunity now, I could even do it while in university, or after as a graduate. That would give me more time to seriously consider journalism, and if I still want to go overseas to pursue a degree in scientific journalism, then all the more reason to have a journalism scholarship fund that. Even better, I'd have a job right after for a longer period of time ouo

I know it's not a big deal, but I thought that it was still good for me to write down the thoughts I've had and keep them together in one place.

Resolution Recap

Since I had the time, I thought I might as well write a post. I mean I could spend this time writing on my writing blog - which I should, since Saturdays are my designated writing days HAHAHAH sigh orz Anyway, I suppose I should do a quick update on how life's going on.

In reference to my resolutions: I didn't really set up a newspaper club, but I am part of the school's online newsletter and school magazine, so that's close enough! It's been p okay so far. I mean Claire and I have an interview to do, and I recently did a joint article with some of the other writers, so that's good.

My second resolution was going pretty well for awhile, but ever since I started getting work and Chinese tuition again, I don't really get the chance to even think about plot development, let alone actually get to write orz Hopefully, I can figure something out and see if I can at least getting something out once a month, be it on this blog, or my writing one. I know it's not a lot, but I guess it's better than nothing.

My third resolution has kinda worked? I mean, I suppose I try to stagger and spread out my workload. It's not that easy, considering my HL subjects are content heavy lol (Chemistry, Biology, History). My SL subjects are still p okay, I suppose: Chinese, Math and Lang Lit. School does get quite busy, when you put subjects aside. There are school events, CAS, class stuff... But I guess it keeps me on my toes c:

I shan't say much about my fourth resolution because it has worked too well - maybe to the point of technically shattering it? But speaking about brofriends: I did once had a dream that I was some sort of band manager of some guys in a school? I mean I was p rad, and the guys didn't mind me and I was one of the bros - although there was one guy whom I hung out with a lot lol He was like the guy version of Julia, and I remember him wearing a skirt in my dream... I don't know why he did, but I didn't mind! [Hmmm, maybe it was a sign of sorts? I think a certain someone would understand...]

Speaking of friends though: I suppose I've integrated well into my class! I mean we're a p small class, so we kinda stick around each other quite a lot, and we can't really afford to have cliques anyway. I wouldn't really call them friend-friends yet, like my usual circle of secondary school friends, but it's only been a bit more than a month, and there's still plenty of time ahead of us. (Only my brofriend can be on the same level as them though lol)

And yeah, I don't know about a craft store lol Maybe I can set one up at the end of the year? Or next year, once school is completely over? I mean there'll be at least three months of nothing, so I might as well earn some cash. I recently learned how to make friendship bracelets out of embroidery thread, so das cool. I'm very tempted to make so many because it's kinda mindless, and my hands are itching to make something!

Hmm... I suppose I could talk about my one-week holiday?

I spent most of my time either lazing around or doing homework-- or maybe it was more like a balance of both lol Probably the highlight of the week was yesterday, when Julia, Brofriend and I went to a cat cafe at Boat Quay. We hung out with cats for two hours, and put them to sleep before our time at the cafe was up lol We sedated them with scratches behind their ears and brushing, leaving the other guests to just take pictures of sleepy kitties lol After that, we just had lunch and hung around c:

Time for some CATZ YEEEEEEEE

~They're so soft and cute I WANT TWENTY~

- Micaela c:

Orientation Week: Day 3-5

omg should I even write what happened during orientation week? I don't know if I can remember every single thing we did, and I already have homework and files to get and stacks of paper to file hnnnnnng I suppose I should probably give a rough idea of what went down.

On the third day, the main event was the telematch, which was hella dirty. I mean like, rolling around in oyster sauce, mustard, orange syrup, bandung syrup, and ketchup dirty. The first station we had was Crap Twister, which is basically like twister, with any body part, and the dots are plates of yesyouguessedit. I felt like puking just smelling all of it together. I tried getting into the game, but the overwhelming smell of mustard and oyster sauce on my face just radiating towards my nose just made everything worse.

The other games weren't as bad, I suppose. The next one involved us belly crawling through yesyouguessedit towards a plate filled with flour and scrabble pieces, so we were supposed to try and make the longest word. Even with the word "adventurers", we couldn't beat the other team, who only had one letter longer than us. The third game was pretty much captain's ball, but with a broccoli covered in tartar sauce or something. Not as bad, considering we've played with cabbages in school before - the stench wasn't as bad this time. The last game was basically five people from each team sit on ten chairs, and play scissors paper stone, and the team who manage to push the other team off and get all the chairs, win. The catch was though, that yesyouguessedit drenched the seats. It wasn't that bad, considering that by this time, you at least don't get to see or smell it that much.

At the final end, there was a caterpillar race, the kind where you pass the last chair forward to the front, and everyone squeezes onto the line of chairs. At least this one wasn't really dirty, until we were told that there were bags filled with either water or syrup at the end of the race, and people were free to take them and throw them at each other. My class just took the water bags to wash ourselves off.

Apart from our dirty demise, the games earlier in the day were at least better. There was one game though, where we get in boy-girl pairs, and hold a stick of uncooked pasta between us - with our mouths. If it breaks halfway, you have to use the longer piece. We had to go back and forth three times in total, going over chairs together, bending over, and touching the floor. I suppose it wasn't that bad, considering that we were going through worse later that day anyway.

The fourth day was dragon boating, our visit to SAM, and our late night treasure hunt! And our sleepover, of course. Dragon boating was quite fun, actually. Each boat had two classes, and we just paddled around Kallang basin, played a couple of games, and had a race at the end. Unfortunately, the teachers won.

Our trip to SAM was rather enriching. I learned a couple of new things that I never heard before from my dad, like the flying turban, or the haunted toilets. The flying turban is about how there used to be an Indian guard (called "Jagas" by the students at the time. I'm not sure if it's spelt like that) who used to walk along the corridors, but for some reason, died. Despite that though, there were sightings of his turban floating around the same corridor. Another story from my dad was about how one of the Indian guards saw the gardener in his sleep at night, and told him where his body was. When the guard woke up, he went to where the gardener had told him to go, and found his body there, covered in ants.

Our treasure hunt was basically station games, where we were supposed to look for at least four out of six pegs at each station, before we could proceed to play the actual game. Some of the games involved the station masters asking questions to the whole class and each class member have to come up with an answer. At least seven of the answers need to be the same in order to get the point. One of the questions though, was who would be the best and pole dancing - you wouldn't expect us to have an answer, right? The game ended with one of our dear manly man classmates, pole dancing around a basketball post.

On the last day, we had our mass dance - I mean rave party - and campfire. We had been practicing a couple dance kind of thing over the past few days, and our hard work was paid off in a rave. We were given two glow sticks each, and danced the dance twice. It was kind of a strange and foreign experience for me, because it was completely dark, save some strobe lights behind the DJ and our glow sticks. I have no idea how they can dance with reckless abandon and go wild, so I uh, just ended up jumping up and down. I had a girl partner by the way, so I was the man.

Our campfire was probably the funniest part of the camp. Some of the skits put up by the classes were pretty good. I kinda liked my class's skit, but uh, it was kinda inappropriate at times. It was pretty much about the guys doing cheesy, kinda racy pick up lines at the girls of our group, only to be rejected by them. It ended with the last dude - yes the pole dancing one - pole dancing, only to have the girls go crazy for him. Yeah, p much. We ended up having to do a "viewer's discretion is advised" warning in the beginning because it was just that suggestive.

Talking about my class: I suppose I've assimilated rather well into the class - save the times when things get off the deep end and they talk about inappropriate stuff. I mean I know they're free to talk about whatever they want among themselves, but seriously, sometimes I think it's just too much - even for our (yes, us gurls) standards. Talking about kinks? I don't think we've gone that far... Apart from that, I do enjoy their company, yeah.

Anyway, first day of actual school was pretty okay. I like the teachers that we have so far (save one but I don't think I should judge) and I think school's going to be pretty fun. I haven't signed up for any CAS yet, but I'll probably do that over the weekend. For now though, I'm going to arrange all my stuff, and figure out what things to bring and leave in school.

~ Claire please save me from my classmates when things go too far~
- Micaela c:

Orientation Week: Day 2

Aw man, do I even remember what happened yesterday? All that has remained from yesterday, are the aches and pain from running around on the beach at Sentosa. Good thing I didn't get sunburnt, though.

Anyway, yesterday was a continuation to our orientation - this time, by bonding through games on the beach! (After the CAS talk and administrative stuff, of course.) I think I genuinely had fun yesterday, albeit very tired. We got splashed and wet multiple times, and got down and dirty in the sand. There was so much sand in my shoes, that I was literally walking on the beach as I went home. My clothes dried surprisingly fast, although my hair still feels dry from the salt water.

Apparently, the games this year weren't as dirty and disgusting as last year's - they had eggs and mayonaise, and I don't think I want to know what actually happened. Or maybe we will know what's going to happen - on Monday, which requires a change of clothes and shower things. Anyway, I think the most strenuous game was the bucket one. I mean come on, I haven't done sit ups for the longest time, and we're expected to lift a full bucket with just our feet? My shoulder hurt the most after that one, 'cos I was leaning on them too much from behind. The dirtiest one was the obstacle course, which I offered to do, considering that it wasn't very wide and I was small enough to go through the whole thing. We were splashed with water along the way, which made it worse 'cos then sand stuck to me like glue. I was completely covered in sand after crawling on the beach, and probably scratched my knees too. Why must the sand at Sentosa be so rough? The most vertically challenging one though, is the one where they strung marshmallows on a line, and you have to eat them - the catch, is that they're tied to trees. With a class of six girls and four guys, you can pretty much picture how it went. (I'm so sorry to the guy who had to piggy back me omg)

After that, we watched the animal show at the beach. I had no idea that it even existed, to be honest. I only got excited about the dog lul. We also had tug-o-war, which was surprisingly tough. I couldn't get a good grip of the rope or the sand, so uh, I fell once or twice. Our class lost, but ah well.

School aside though, I'm getting my birthday presents from DFTBA HOLLA~ It was a good thing I didn't order earlier, because their shirts are going at USD $10, as compared to $16-20 initially. I ordered Alex's and Charlie's CDs too, so yey c: Ah yeah, and my birthday was yesterday too. I kinda forgot about it as the day went on. My villagers celebrated my birthday in the morning, and I had cake at my grandparents' place at night.

~I am the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen~
- Micaela c:

Orientation Week: Day 1

First day of a NEW school AHSDOFASDHFJADOFASDFALSDF

Yesterday, when we were getting our results by sms, I thought I'd be the only one going to SenorSchool. Until lo and behold, Claire and Ning messaged me, saying that they ended up at SenorSchool too. They had put it as their second choice, and I honestly didn't expect them to come because 1. didn't expect that to be a choice for Ning and 2. a very small intake of students. Anyway, I'm happy I'm not alone c:

Anyway, to start off the day, I left the house at 6.30 in the morning, was dropped off at the MRT station and took a train ride, which honestly, was kind of a strange experience first thing in the morning. At least I had been to the school by public transport a few times, so that's okay. The awkward bit though, was walking to school, surrounded by secondary students and a couple of the JC students behind me. You could probably pick me out of the aerial view of the crowd, because different school uniform sigh. I didn't see anyone else who wore a different uniform, let alone someone from school...

After getting through the school gates though, it wasn't so bad. One of the secondary school teachers I think, just told me where to go, so I went. There were already a couple of new students there, so I just joined in. Wasn't too hard, I suppose. Just talk about what school we're from, subject combinations and all that jazz...

The form class I got is pretty cool, I guess. I mean it's kind of nice to have the seniors physically join us for the rest of the year, in an actual classroom. One of their voices sound ridiculously close to my sister's, so I was a bit creeped out by that. Anyway, apart from that, I suppose my form classmates are from a range of schools, which is kind of nice, because it brings some diversity to the cohort. A couple of them read manga and watch anime though, which I don't mind, but I don't want to relive past experiences plsnotagainI'mseventeennottwelve. My only problem at the moment is trying to remember everyone's names sigh.

Apart from meeting everyone, we also got a lot of talks: about the IB, subjet choices, school spirit... It was way too tiring after listening for so long, that I genuinely felt like sleeping. Or maybe it was because I hadn't drunk enough water idk. I kinda have a rough idea of what I want to do, and as for the school songs we have to learn, well I guess I could just listen to my dad sing them out overdramatically, considering he's an old boy.

Speaking of meeting everyone: there was an unexpected, certain someone who suddenly appeared at the school - not as part of our cohort, though... I don't intend to be mean, but I didn'treallywanthertocomeintoourschool. Although, after learning that she actually wants to go to poly, and has no interest in IB or JC at all, and is instead being forced to, I feel kinda bad for her. I mean I know my dad was initially hesitant about SenorSchool, but I guess he turned around at some point, so he supports where I want to go, so... Anyway, I kinda hope she gets to where she actually wants (andnotreallyintoourschoolI'msorrybutasdhfalsdfhasodfd)

Overall, I think it was a pretty good day. Quite tiring, considering we ended at 5 pm. Got home at six and ended up animal crossing until 7.30 lol. I should probably sleep soon because sentosa tomorrow and birthday holla. Also choir cantor auditions on Sunday and I haven't practised hnnnnnnnng

~First day of school sigh~
- Micaela c:

O Level Results!

Well, I guess we knew this post was going to have to come. I don't really know where to start really... I guess we should start from the hall?

I guess we had the typical nerves, because based on past experiences on our mid-years and prelims, it wasn't bright and sunshiny. A lot of people were stuck in clouds or thunderstorms. I was mostly concerned for my history and lit, especially after what happened in prelims. I couldn't help but expect myself to get Bs after thinking about all the mistakes I could've corrected. I even thought that maybe the invigilators thought I was cheating when I merely blankly scanned the hall. Anyway, all I wanted in that time of fear, was to get less than nine. If I got a nine, I might just had a chance to get to Senorschool through appeal. Apart from Senorschool, I didn't know where else to go. So, below nine was my best chance.

Anyway, then came when they were announcing those who got at least seven A1s. I felt really proud for the people I knew up there. I know most of them have struggled through, and I think they all deserve it. There are some people that are predictably going to get it, though. But besides that, I think they have honestly put in the effort to reach where they are now c: Honestly, I had the hope that I might just be up there too, but that was merely wishful thinking, the kind where you hope for miracles that could become half true. Despite that though, I am pretty happy with my eight c: I mean in hindsight, I maybe could've shaved off a point from my A Math or Biology (or even History!), but I think that would be my best.

I am pretty proud with myself though, for my full history (A2) combined humans (A1), and Chemistry (A1). I was rather concerned about history, especially since I had failed prelims. I honestly don't know what I did right this time, though. I mean like, I don't think my Cold War essay was that solid lol. Anyway, my combined humans was quite surprising too, because well, social studies is most people's Achilles heel. Literature was also a concern, because I had just passed that in prelims lol. I even thought that my Chrysalids essay's last paragraph was rather sketchy, but I had to write it anyway, because three paragraphs. I was rather happy with my poem analysis, so I think that might be what saved me c: Also Chemistry, which was a surprise, because I had been getting Bs for at least midyears and prelim. I could've done better for A Math and Biology, to be honest. Physics was an A2 which is what I got for prelims, so uh, I don't really know what that shows...

I'm not saying I'm unhappy with my eight (I think I've got a respectable score), but after all the hype, the buzz, the anticipation, I can't help but wonder where I could've done better. Maybe I could've gotten a seven, with a deduction of one point for CCA... Ah well, not like I can change my score now. I think eight points is still rather commendable and something to be proud of c:

I guess all that's left to do is hope that I'll get into Senorschool, as long as the six-pointers don't try and get there. I mean if they have six points and want to do IB, they should be able to get to the otherIBschoolthateveryoneknows. Here's to starting out fresh and anew in a new school!

~Sigh, now there's no excitement until school postings are out~

- Micaela c: