So, the sec 3 confirmation catechism-idk-what-to-title-it retreat just happened over the weekend. For some of those who messaged me since Friday, they know that I couldn't reply since I was at the camp, and even though I had the Power of Using My Phone (the sec 3s had to hand in their phones unless they had to leave the camp at some point) I didn't want to abuse my power. Also there wasn't really anytime for me to use it lol Overall, the hard work in preparing the camp and setting things up paid off.
Also I should preface by saying this is the first time my mum has had to run and plan the camp by herself. Like the usual people who do the camp have been doing it for years, so they've had experience with it, and we went with a different approach than the previous ones, which were so emo and had a lot of reflection. This time though, was kinda focusing on life after confirmation, where basically you leave catechism with the knowledge on what it means to be a good catholic. Not just in terms of the practice, but what it means to be, and your duty as a catholic, so our theme was about justice, so basically it was about making these kids aware about all the poop going on in this world, and what we as catholics are called to do for those in need, and make them think about what they can do themselves.
Preparation Stuff
We had many things we had to prepare beforehand, many of which I was involved in lol Like the setting up of the forest, which I mentioned in the previous post, or the cutting up of puzzles for their scavenger hunt, the sorting through of newspaper clippings, the whole labyrinth, a lot of things lol Although the biggest, was the labyrinth, and in the end we pulled it off c:
I tried looking through my other posts about it, and didn't find me talking about it, so I'll just type it out here anyway. So there's the labyrinth, which is kinda like a maze, but there's only one way in and you take the same way out, is one of the methods to pray and meditate. At first I wasn't so keen on the idea, 'cos I didn't think fifteen-year-olds would be open to the idea of walking on some path as a form of prayer, 'cos you know, why would they lol And I thought the walking might be a distraction to them. (I was later proven wrong and will explain later lol) Then the next problem, was that there's no portable version of it. Most of them are constructed with hedges or painted on floors, and we can't possibly do that in a church canteen lol The size was an issue as well, it had to be large enough for people to walk on. Still, I'm surprised we still managed to pull it off lol.
My mum had the idea to paint it on sheets of mahjong paper stuck together, so I helped her with all of that: taping seven rolls of seven sheets of mahjong paper, going to church with her to draw out the circles, then erasing and joining up circles to form a path, painting out the path, and then rolling it back up to keep for two weeks lol We probably spent like 2-3 hours for taping the sheets, and almost 4-5 hours non-stop for the actual drawing and construction. Also we bought gouache paint which was a brilliant idea, 'cos if it got onto the floor, we just wiped it away with wet wipes, since the paint was water-based lol Just as well we didn't by acrylic when we went to art friend. I also wrote the reflection for it, 'cos the sample one that my aunt wrote (she's done the labyrinth walk before) was like, just basic ways to do the walk. [I should probably talk about the result of that later as well.]
Day 1
We started at about 6 in the evening, and started them off with a scavenger hunt, to find pieces that they're supposed to fit together as a group. Basically it was a way to introduce them to our theme verse, about acting justly, loving tenderly, and walking humbly (with God). Then we made them write down some commitments that they hope to keep during the camp, and made them surrender their phones lol
After dinner, was the global issues quiz that I did!! I put in issues like poverty, environmental waste, racial and gender discrimination, lack of mental illness treatment etc My mum took out some questions and replaced them with other issues though, 'cos she thought that they were too hard for the sec 3s - and actually it was still p hard 'cos some issues have specific terminology which they might not know of. It is my fault though, I should've at least explained the questions while it was being run, but we were also short on time.
Then we had a little short activity, to make them reflect on what it's like to be in a situation of need and what it's like to be helped or not, then they're supposed to put a band aid on one person outside their group and receive one back. My mum asked for two kids to share what they felt as they thought back to a time they needed help, and for some reason, I felt the need to share what it feels like to be the one helping, since you know, helping someone is a two way thing. Also, I saw that the person who was supposed to come speak to the kids was running late, so what the heck, might as well use the time to talk right lol Like this was completely unplanned, I didn't even think about talking about it until we did the thing. So I talked about what it felt like helping Daryl through his depression, and you could hear my voice wavering and whatnot lol Although, after this and another incident later on, I think the kids now know me as being sensitive and always somehow crying LOL [This again, will be addressed later near the end]
The speaker that night was one of our own people from church who helps out at one of the charity organisations in the catholic church of Singapore. And I think most of them like him 'cos he helps out in catechism as well or something idk.
Anyway, after that, each group had four to five news articles that they're supposed to discuss. They choose one, then look at the issue, what the article says and discuss how we should respond to the social issue in question. Again, I helped my mum beforehand to sort through the articles, paste them on paper (since newspaper is thin and flimsy), highlight key points, and assign which articles to which groups. Anyway, I still have difficulty trying to help them discuss orz I mean, some of them are pretty straight forward, like it's p obvious that keeping refugees out of a church is wrong especially since we preach about love and helping those in need, so I don't know if that's why there wasn't much talking? Or maybe because some of these issues are things they don't know much about. Or it could just be me lol ;w; Oh well.
After that we had Eucharistic adoration, and sent them to shower and sleep at about 11.30+ pm. It was a good thing I showered before coming, so I didn't have to join the mad rush lol That being said, getting them to sleep was a real pain. The last time I checked the time that night was like 12.10, and they were still chatting and keeping each other awake, and it was so annoying when you're trying to sleep. And I really didn't want to get upset with them, because you know, no teenager likes an adult who is upset with them, and I didn't want to be that person to them. Also I was kinda upset that none of the older facilitators told them to go to sleep, but then again I don't know if I was the only one sleeping in the same room as the girls :/ Eventually I had to threaten them with "if you don't sleep now, you'll end up outside" and that pretty much shut them up. But for about the next half an hour or so, I was paranoid that the girls might go outside and hang around or something, and that if anything happens to them, it was my responsibility.
Day 2
Waking the girls up was also sort of a headache. We had to get up at 5.45 in the morning to go for Saturday morning mass at 6.30 am. At least all of them came down in time though, so that wasn't so bad. I woke up at like 5.15 in the morning, 'cos a bunch of girls woke up early to go bathe, and since I wasn't really sleeping lightly throughout that night, I woke up too anyway. After getting changed and stuff, I spent like half an hour staring into space in the room 'cos there was like another half hour before going down.
Anyway, so we had mass in the morning, some praise and worship stuff and reflections, an activity on what it means to be humble, and what that translates to into action. Then we had our priest, Father RA talk to us as our second speaker, about Jesus and justice. I think a lot of it was p straightforward, like how Jesus was always about loving and forgiving the sinner, and not being with the stuck-up, self-righteous pharisees and all that. The main point also was justice, peace, love, which I think is important to remember when it comes to treating others and helping those who are disrespected. He didn't spend much time on that though. What he wanted to do, was to make them practice how to go up to receive holy communion, saying primary 3 kids do a better job than them, after seeing them in mass that morning lol It was pretty funny, but I guess at the same time, it was nice for them to see him not so serious and joke with them.
Later we had a session where were randomly given a scripture passage, discuss what it says about justice and the treatment of people, and then come up with a prayer about it. I think my group had a pretty successful discussion, even if it wasn't much of a buzz, but I think they identified some of the important points, so that's good c: The next session was about highlighting where most of our clothes are made from, like how US/European brands are manufactured in Southeast Asian or Middle Eastern countries. I think it was fun for them to look at the tags of each others clothes, and then going up to the map to paste little dot stickers on the countries where they're made. Then we had a game of jenga, where different basic necessities are on some of the blocks. If they pull out a block that had one of those needs, they have to explain the importance of it, and can't use it to continue building the tower. We did pretty well I think lol
Lunch was supposed to be "poverty lunch", which for most camps, is just one meal of bread and water, but we got yellow noodles with vegetable today lol For most of them, I'm sure they didn't like it, and some said they'd rather have bread and water instead lol But eh, it wasn't so bad to the point that anyone complained about it afterwards. Then we had more simple games, and an introduction to the seven themes of Catholic Social Teaching (life and dignity of the human person, call to family, community, and participation, rights and responsibilities, option for the poor and vulnerable, dignity of workers and their rights, solidarity, and care for creation) which are all pretty straightforward. They just had to match the theme to the corresponding icons.
Then we looked at the articles again, and tried to label which article addressed which of the seven themes. After that, each group had to take one of the themes, and discuss the articles in it, sadly, more troubles ahead for me: how do you discuss worker's rights with kids. I just kinda told them about what I know, and since we weren't really going anywhere, since you know, what do kids know about labour issues lol we ended up on the topic of braces. Oh well lol
After that was their time to have some fun and games set up by the youth group, so that was some time for us to relax, and set up the labyrinth for later in the night.
Then was time for our third speaker, who came to talk to us about social inventions, which basically means inventions that address a social issue, like his water bottles that purify drain water, or about watches that vibrate to warn deaf people of danger. It was kinda interesting, but the problem was that he didn't talk so much about contributions to society, but stuff like CST or what scripture says about justice and whatnot, which we had just discussed. The same thing kinda happened again with the next speaker that night, when she was supposed to talk about the legal work she does for migrant workers and their families. My mum later said that their initial slides and presentations was more focused on the work, but they changed it later so :/ Kinda hard for the sec 3s to get a feel for what it is they do I guess.
The next activity was to encourage the groups to identify five ways to show kindness to others, and then take pictures of them in action, which was pretty fun for them. Like one of the boys in my group had his sleeping bag out with him, so we made him wrap himself like a hobo burrito, and give him food that was their game prizes lol Or helping an "old man" (hobo burrito kid) up the stairs and cross the road, or helping the girl who recently had back surgery into a chair.
Oh yeah, I should talk about her lol Some time in May, she went for a back surgery, to insert a metal rod onto her spine to correct her scoliosis, so she was in hospital for a week, and p much bedridden for a month. It was surprising that she even slept over the first night, but she said she only got an hour of sleep, so she was to go home that night. During the games though, she came downstairs 'cos she needed a place to lie down, but I can't make her lie down on the floor right lol So I looked for someone in the youth group to ask if she could use their inflatable mattress to rest. So during the camp, if she wasn't downstairs with the rest of the group, she'd be upstairs to lie down. After getting to know her a little better though, I kinda regret not asking the rest of my group if they wanted to visit her when the opportunity presented itself.
Anyway, after dinner, they had to create their own superheroes, which you know, should be fun for them - but kids being kids, some of them treated it like a joke. One of the girls in my group (who is usually the one to answer me) came up with the idea of a guy fighting world hunger by shooting food out of his hands, which fair enough, isn't that bad of an idea lol But hobo burrito boy kept trying to make the hero based on our priest, and as much as I don't mind the idea, I don't know whether he's serious about it or just wants to make fun of him. When time came to present their heroes, it was kinda poop, but looking at the other groups, I guess we weren't the poopiest lol Still, the whole session made me tense and frustrated, because they weren't taking it seriously, and it's just tiring to have to deal with it I guess. When one of the girls asked if I was disappointed in them, I said yeah, and after I said it, I kinda regretted it, and I don't know if I was right for me to say that. Yeah, by then, my patience and tolerance was obviously wearing thin lol orz
Next, was a time for reflection again. The first three groups were sent to do the labyrinth, and the other four groups (including mine) went inside to reflect on what each person can do to bring about some change, and intercessory prayer with the facilitators, to pray for whatever it is they need to be a better person. During the time we had, I had two of the guys in my group come up to me and share some stuff, and then I prayed for them, and I was happy to. At first I was wondering if they even would dare come up to me, but I'm glad they did. Sadly, we didn't have enough time, to get to everyone, even though I did have time for one of them (a guy not in my group who came up to me lol) we had to cut it short. Then again, that was also because the labyrinth-half of the cohort started their session earlier, and the youth group leading the other half of the session started late, so we didn't have that much time, which I felt was a shame. Maybe I'll suggest to my mum that if there's some time during normal cat classes to do it, we should, for those who need it.
Part of me being here was also because I feel that being in this In Between of adulthood and being a teenager, I have enough hindsight to know what it is they're feeling or struggling with, but also the experience to support them through it, like that's what I want to do for them because I know what it's like to be fifteen in catechism class lol
As for the labyrinth, it surprisingly went down pretty well overall. The first half of kids were pretty eager to do it, but the second half (which I was with) not so much. Like the first eight of them were boys, and none of the girls were going up, until I went up myself to walk in it, so yey I did a good lol The only problem was that we overran, either because the kids weren't so eager about it, or because there were too many of them. That's the other problem about the time differences lol, the first half was three groups and the other was four, so we ended up sleeping at like, 12 again.
This time though, apparently one of the girls went out with a group of her friends to the grotto, kinda like a garden-fountain area of church, in the middle of the night, and one of our facilitators found them, and told them to go back. Later on it turned out that she felt anxious after doing the labyrinth, (maybe she thought of things that had been bothering her for a long time) and needed some time to cool down after it. And I suppose it's after hearing this that I feel kinda bad being annoyed by these kids, like sometimes they just don't want to listen, or they eat in rooms when they're not supposed to, or just take their time to go places. And I hate that feeling, of having to be upset with them.
Day 3
This day wasn't that long for them in terms of activities to do: praise and worship in the morning, some simple ideas about how we need to get to the root of these social problems and how working together and taking risks can solve them, some prayers to help them feel better if they feel that at fifteen they can't do anything about issues they're passionate about. And there was supposed to be one last activity, joining up strips of paper with some of their commitments/hopes written on them, and then linked to each other like a really long chain, but we replaced that with half an hour break time for them. Since many of them complained about how little sleep they got, we decided to let them nap - but there were a group of boys who wanted to play taiti or table tennis, and by the time we got them inside, it was like fifteen minutes left. I was upset with them because we're giving them time to rest when it wasn't even scheduled, like come on. And even then they were making fart sounds, like really bruh. Then there were also a bunch of girls walking around, some of them going to the toilet, going upstairs to get whatever, all that kind of stuff. And at that point I just got so fed up.
Feels bad, man. I broke down lol I didn't want to present myself like how they probably know my mum as: the one who has to police them and keep them in control, tell them to keep quiet and pay attention. Like whenever they start talking too much during sessions, I don't want to have to go up to them and stare at them until they shut up, or have to make my presence known until they keep quiet, or go around telling them not to eat where they shouldn't. I don't want to be that person. Neither do I want to be the person who has to second guess what it is they're doing, or wait for them to leave the room so they don't hang around when they shouldn't. I don't want to think they're bad kids because I know they're not. Thinking that is going against what I hope to be for them.
I was hoping to be a person that they could relate to, the person that they feel gets them when it comes to their problems, like you know, having someone older than you who understands what you're going through can make you feel a lot better about the situation you're in. Then again, when they had some time for reflection while my mum talked to the parents who came in the afternoon, the facilitator running that reflection said that a lot of them spent it prayerfully, like those that you don't expect to, took it seriously lol And I suppose it also made me realise that these kids probably aren't so out of touch with what they're feeling, and that maybe what I think of them, as kids who specifically need my help/input, isn't so true.
Anyway, I broke down lol My mum thought it was because I was stressed, that maybe she put too much on me to help her run the camp, but really it was just my own frustration with wanting to help them and yet not wanting to be the hated law enforcer. There were times in the camp, like during discussions, when I didn't want to help out anymore in the future. And then there were times, like during the labyrinth or Eucharist adoration, that gave me the courage and desire to stay on to help out in whatever way I can.
You know that feeling of having to deal with your emotions even though logically you know what it is you have to do? Like I know it's unfair of me to expect four year's worth of maturity on them, but is keeping quiet, or just not do things you're not supposed to do really out of their capability? (Maybe LOL) Anyway, I was sitting outside at the door to the room, initially to keep watch so that no one goes in without reason, but that meant during lunch, after their "nap", they could see me visibly upset lol So, I suppose now to them, I'm known for being weepy and always almost crying (since the last time I addressed them, was also a purposely emo session based on my own experiences LOL)
While I was feeling all the feels, I felt like I needed to talk to them, but I didn't get to and thought better no to anyway, 'cos now that I think about it, what I wanted to say was probably more of an apology rather than something that actually addresses them, so yeah. I stayed downstairs during the parents' session to help out with registration. Then one of the facilitators hurriedly called me up, saying that my mum needed me, so I thought it was something serious like addressing the parents about what it's like being a teenager, but no, she just wanted me to hand stuff out lol orz
That aside though, I did have a chance to speak quite a fair bit with the girl with scoliosis, like while the kids were upstairs for their own session away from the parents, she came downstairs to look for me, saying that she needed to lie down, so I went up with her to the youth group (did I ever say what they are? They're called the EDs lol orz)'s room to lie down. And during the parent's session, when they're supposed to write words of affirmation on stickers and then paste them on their child, I did that for her too, since her parents ended up not coming. I talked with her about school, and got to know her better, like how she plays piano, violin, and cello, and wants to get into SotA (I think, lel orz) and how, for some reason, her piano teacher wants her to go from grade 2 to grade 6 which is really ???????? And yeah, just keep her company. Even when the session was over and we had like fifteen, twenty minutes until mass, I accompanied her while she was resting upstairs, and offered to sit with her during mass since her parents couldn't come. So if there was one kid that I could actually help during catechism this year, it's her, and at least I can find comfort in the fact that I'm not doing that bad of a job of being someone for one of them.
Anyway, taking these two days to kinda think about what happened has made me realise that these kids may or may not need my help and experiences lol As much as I hope to be a person for them, like how I wish there was a person for me when I was their age or a person for other people in my life, I have to realise that I'm not that person for everyone.
