Flower Store?

I have had thoughts before of selling my paper flowers - the only problem is how to go about it. What got me really thinking though, was when I passed a flower I made to Ning to give to our netball coach, since I couldn't be at their party that day, and he messaged me to thank me for it. I jokingly said I could make a bouquet for him if he needed, and he replies saying he wouldn't mind buying, and I was like !!!!!!

But selling stuff ain't easy, bruv. There are things like where am I gonna sell them, deliver them, make them; cost of materials and selling price, all that. So I think there are four components to them: store, product, pricing and money transaction, delivery.

Store:

Initially I had two options in mind: set up a separate blog with a catalogue of all the flowers; or sell them on my piano teacher's handmade craft store on facebook lol I mean I don't think she'd mind, so that's not a big worry. But then I realised I could just do both. Not only does it have an existing market, but people can be directed to the blog too for other stuff or customisation. Yeah, I really wanted to do customisation because I think that's better appreciated.

Products:

But Mic, all you're selling are flowers lawl Well yeah, but there are different kinds lol I was thinking of having paper flowers and crepe flowers as different categories. In each category, I would have reference pictures of the different patterned coloured papers they can choose from. Although I suppose I should also have some pre-made bouquets/individuals one, for people who have no preference or are in a rush for a gift lol

Pricing and money transaction:

I thought I could sell them at two bucks a flower, but the minimum I could get from that is $166 ;w; Technically I would earn more since I have big sheets of paper, but I'm assuming I'm using a whole sheet for each, so I should earn more than $200. That is still assuming I even have enough traffic and orders to use all my paper orz I suppose I might sell normal (nekkid lol) ones at $2.50, customised ones at a little higher, and maybe even additional costs for wrapping or delivery or something. Really, at this rate it sounds like I won't make much profit lol orz Using pocket money to make a little more pocket money... But we'll see.

I could either create a paypal account so people will have to fork over the money first lol, or they pass it to me in person. I don't really know if there are any problems with paypal, but I just hope that if I get it in person, they have exact change...

Delivery:

That's kinda of tricky one for me, since I can't just send the flowers through mail. At least, I don't think that's the best for the flowers, also I don't know if mailing them would incur extra cost. If I sell them on my piano teacher's store though, that at least solves the delivery part assuming they're usual customers. I don't know, I'd have to ask her about that actually. Alternatively, it'll probably end up with me having to go to some MRT station to meet up with the buyer and pass it to them in person. Also if I get a lot of orders, I'll need to manage time and dates in which I can pass it to them in person. Sigh.

Others:

I suppose other things I could take into consideration are flea markets or craft fairs etc where people sell their stuff, that's another option too. I think it would be better if I could find someone to do it with though :/

Well, that's most of the things that I can remember thinking about off the top of my head. But for now, I'll probably learn how to wrap flowers into a bouquet, and get back to coach on a good price. I don't want to overcharge him ;w;

Results + Flying Boob

We got our IB results on the 5th, last Tuesday, but it still feels so surreal. The days leading up to the 5th, I was so nervous and worked up by the possibility that I didn't do enough. It was more of a fear of the unknown, because I didn't really know what to expect. I thought the worst I could do was 38, and that would just be enough for NUS, I think, but I didn't want to risk it either, so from the beginning of last year, I had set my sight on 40 or above.

Magically somehow, I managed a 41!!! Which I'm really proud of - until hear of other people scoring higher lol But I don't feel like I did back during PSLE or O levels when I heard other people doing better. I think by this age and after going through IB, they really deserve it c: And even if I had the chance go back in time to redo these past two years to get a better score, I wouldn't. I might get biology and history remarked though, since they're so close to the next grade. (There's no hope for my English lol that was a poopy paper anyway) The only thing I'm really upset by in my scores is my EE. Gosh diddly darn science EEs, being marked strictly. Then again I guess my EE report wasn't that fantastic either, but I couldn't do much more to it.

Anyway, after getting results, the story of how I got home really late came about. The Weebs (I should probably use their names, makes things easier: Stanley, Bei, Daryl, Hans) headed to Bei's house to sort of celebrate. While we were on the way to her place, we stopped by a supermarket to buy some stuff. We just so happen to be at the cashier with condoms. Stanley asked how screwed would I be if there was an opened pack in my bag. Answer: very. Even if Daryl said it meant I had the "mindfulness" to use protection, I'd probably be killed, and then resurrected, only to be killed again.

Then he said that I should buy one for my bro, hide it in his bag, or tell him I "got the goods" as a prank. That seemed funny at first, but then I remembered that my mum told me in the car that morning to school, to hook my brother up with any nice girls in university. I was like MOM PLEASE SIX YEARS DIFFERENCE but she was actually serious about it. My bro has had a bad experience with a poopy girlfriend. One of the girls he went on a date with was like the sister of one of the friend's of my other bro, so that would be kinda awkward; and after a recent date, he said she was ignorant, and I guess naive. My bro's been through some shiet, but I think that has made him more aware and mindful of the kind of people to associate with. Anyway, giving my bro a pack of condoms as a joke is pretty sad in his case. Also, it would not turn out funny, the consequences are not worth the joke.

Anyway, the time at Bei's house was pretty fun. The Weebs played mahjong, but catching up on animal crossing was my priority LOL They taught me how to play before, but I still don't know when to do what and what is allowed. Then other people like Jonathan, Rad, Abbi, and even Ning came by. Apparently Jon wanted to learn how to play MMORPGs, so Stanley and Daryl tried to teach him how to play Leg o' Legends. We all ended up playing our own games some how, like even Bei showed Yandere Simulator to Jon and Ning. We had PIZZAAAAAAA for dinner, and went upstairs to play Saboteur after.

Man, playing Saboteur the first time round when we slept over at Bei's was a wild ride. Each player is given one of two roles, miner or saboteur, but no one knows who's who. The miners have to work towards the gold, which is also hidden out of three cards, and the saboteurs have to well, sabotage them, either by purposely misdirecting the path to the wrong card, or preventing other people from building paths. The first time we played, we went insane with trying to figure out who to trust and who is the saboteur or not. I broke down, crying (not just from laughing too much) after accidentally sabotaging Hans because I thought he was a saboteur, when he was a miner too. And gosh ddiddly darn Daryl, trying to seem so friendly and trustworthy, just to throw us off regardless of his role like omg stop the Jedi mind tricks. Ning, if you're reading this, that night was nothing compared to the sleepover.

Anyway, by the time we left Bei's house, was almost ten. During dinner, I was really worried about time, because I didn't want to reach home too late. Even though my parents never explicitly gave me a curfew, I can't help but try to get home around 8 or 9 so that they don't have to worry about me. Yes, my curfew is self-imposed LOL It was late enough that my mum said she was going to sleep, so that meant no ride home from the bus stop or train station, unless I asked my dad instead, but that wouldn't be very nice for him either. Luckily I had Hans to walk home with, because he was sleeping over, so it wasn't so bad walking in the dark.

The Boob was dumb enough to forget renting a place at the hostel when he was coming back to Singapore to collect results. The scholars were discussing it in our group chat, so that's when I knew he was gonna hobo. He said that he could hobo in the airport, which apparently he has done before. I told my mum about it and she was like "aiyah how can", so my mum letting him stay over wasn't a problem. But then his mum didn't want to, because she didn't want him to impose. That meant he would probably have to fly here and back within the same day - until his dad said he could stay if my parents were fine with it. So that's how the Boob stayed over for the night.

We reached home by around 11.30 pm, which is the latest I've ever been home on my own. Because he was staying over though, it meant that I couldn't go for the netball party the next day, since I had to bring him to the airport. We spent most of the day going through my old stuff (diaries that NONE OF YOU ARE ALLOWED TO READ EVER) and watching TV before leaving the house to go the airport. This was a journey in itself, because halfway as we were walking out to the main road, it started to rain. And I swear, that it was pure bad luck because it pretty much wasn't raining anywhere else. Also I wore the wrong socks with the wrong shoes, and with the rain it was even worse, as the tongue of my shoe was rubbing my skin. Why do I always somehow get my feet injured from shoes ;w; It's my poor decisions with socks... Anyway, that meant we had to make a detour to find socks, which meant taking more time.

We kinda had to anyway, since Hans had to bring his cousin's SIM card that she left back in Indonesia. And since we were interchanging at Bugis, we went to buy socks. The cheapest pairs we found were 4 for $10, and we weren't allowed to just buy one pair, so guess who has an extra three pairs. (if anyone wants, please tell me, they're ladies' size) When I went to change my socks in the toilet, they had that stupid thread that kept the two socks together and I was like hhhhhhhhh I had to go back to Hans, and he managed to rip the thread apart, and just change my socks in public. Even though so much time was taken up by socks and rain, he wasn't late for his plane so that's good.

Admittedly, I wasn't looking forward to bringing him to the airport and sending him off because feels. Yes, being the crybaby I am, I cried a little at the departures gate don'tjudgeme I don't care if the damn flight is an hour and a half long, physically saying goodbye ain't easy, bruh ;w; I was okay when I was heading back to the train though lol Even Coach messaged me to thank me for giving him a flower I made. I jokingly said that I could make a whole bouquet if he needed, and he took it seriously. So guess who's gonna make the monies from selling paper flowers!! That reminds me though, I need to buy PVA glue, crepe paper, and more skewers (maybe more green paper tape?). I probably will when I pick up my Coldplay CD and meet Ju this Saturday.

Yeah, that's what happened the past few days. Not very exciting lol

Another Year Older, Another Year Wiser(?)

I know I barely wrote anything that happened in 2014, so talking about some things when reflecting on 2015 might seem like a large leap. I think this year (2015) has been a better year than 2014, in the sense that I have a better understanding of myself, and I'm not as socially awkward - as I made myself out to be (in my own mind). I guess I'll have to ramble a bit about the past two years in order to make sense of it all.

After an unintentional falling out in 2014, I felt really bad about myself for most of the year, on and off. And I knew part of the problem was my fault, my ignorance, and I never really knew how to deal with it. After that though, most of my year was filled with a sense of being judged by others, and being purposely ignored. I think that sense of people disliking me was my fault too, in the sense that with that sort of fear of judgement, I didn't make an effort to keep up with other people or bothered to know what was going on in their lives. I stayed away from social media (apart from tumblr lol) because I always thought of it as a Platform for Popularity, and I didn't want to get caught up in numbers and attention.

And it's possible that the fact I saw social media and socialising as a popularity contest, that I internally felt that I truly wasn't liked. I was barely involved in any socialising in school, so not a lot of people personally knew me. I felt as though if I wasn't talked to, no one liked me. Somehow in my mind, I actually did value attention that way, because what is your worth without recognition, or when there is no one to see you and validate you? Do you exist if there is no one to see you? Even though I knew these weren't completely true, I somehow got myself stuck in that mindset. Maybe it's being a ~ teenager ~ but I would get worked up too, about not being as pretty as others lol I feared being gossiped about as well, which was all the more reason for me to not put myself out there.

It's a really dumb vicious cycle lol I mean, it may seem logical that you'd be afraid of being seen again after a socialising failure in the eyes of a close group (large or small) of people you're in, but at the same time, I let that stop me from doing what I should have done, at least with those closer to me. Even if in school I had people I could comfortably talk to in school, I only had two people I could really talk to, intimately in terms of emotions. Even so, I knew that wasn't good, to put all my feels onto two people, especially when they both have problems of their own.

Speaking of which, maybe I should have learned from the past: that if I couldn't handle the emotional stress a depressed person has, I shouldn't do it again until I've understood what to do better and be equipped with the right traits for it. I think it was my fault for thinking I could right wrongs by trying the same thing again. I have unintentionally hurt him with my ignorance, but at the same time he has made me even more aware of what I really need to do as a friend - just that it'll still take me some time to be the kind of friend that he needs. But I also recognise that in life, people will have different roles in your life, and sometimes I can't be the bestest, closest, most reliable friend to someone.

All that aside though, at least some things happened in 2015 that were nice. Just the simple visit from a really really old friend reminded me that I'm not as lonely as I thought I was, or that I was cast out by old friends. I overthink too much and always assume the worst lol And at least over the past holiday, being able to talk with old friends has made me a lot more comfortable with myself. Then again I guess that's because they have the time to. Even so, having them over and sleeping over was nice c:

Also, I've always had this feeling about seeing people older than me. It's like that feeling you have in secondary 1 and you look at the sec 4s: they look like they know what they're doing, what they want to do; mature, intelligent, responsible. During orientation in JC1, I saw that too in the JC2s. But then once you reach the same level as them, you kinda feel like you haven't attained what you thought you would when you're at their level. That sort of wonderment is nowhere to be seen in yourself. Although maybe the problem with that is because the people you do see are those who are outgoing and extroverted, and you can't really expect that sort of change to happen instantly when you reach a certain age.

As much as an outgoing-society values outgoing people, I really can't bring myself to be like that. Knowing schoolmates going to parties and small get-togethers, makes me feel uncomfortable imagining myself there. I know, change starts from within, but it's still terrifying. People say JUST DO IT but, really.

lol

I made this post thinking that I've changed, but maybe I haven't. I just feel like all this talk about changing "for the better" (whatever "better" is) is really stressful, and I know it's not meant to be easy, and I know it's not intended to make me feel better. Poopy.

Enough sad feels and self-pity, time for the practical things I need to do lol

1. Get university application(s) ready
2. Go do lab work
3. Job? Depends on schedule
4. Piano grade 8 examination (worst case, only two months to prepare)
5. Write more (hopefully I can manifest some of my ideas into words)
6. Almost forgot: EZ-link card LOL

Oh yeah, I'm helping my mum out in church, with this thing called Theology of the Body. It basically talks about how God and His love is manifested through the human body, but the version for teenagers simplifies it to about how to perceive the human body as what it is (non-sexualised and appreciating our physical selves), teenage romantic relationships, and vocation in life.

Putting aside the God-aspect of it, I still think it's pretty interesting to see this perspective. You could talk about it from a societal level with the two extremes: conservatism that perpetuates the idea that anything sexual is a sin, to liberalism that permits permissive nature. The conflict between such extreme ideology is pretty much the context for The Handmaid's Tale LOL Even though there are some things that I don't agree with what the Catholic church disapproves of, I think what's most important is that the whole point of having these sessions is to propose to teenagers an alternative way of thinking - but what they choose to believe and follow is still of their own choosing.

Even then, what I think will rile me up the most are the parents or adults that aren't fully aware. Before we, the facilitators (myself included) can facilitate the teenagers, my mum showed us the unadulterated version. And I remember some responses by the adults that kinda put me on edge because I felt that they weren't aware enough of the various situations that happen in the "secular world". One of the mothers said that if gay couples can adopt children, their children will grow up "confused" and oh my God I wanted so badly to tell her how wrong she was. But I couldn't at that point in time because I didn't have a proper argument, and at the same time, she said it out of ignorance, so it wouldn't be right of me to be angry at her either. There was another point in the session about how men and women have different roles, and at first I got really annoyed by that - until I remembered that feminism is about being treated as equal, not about being exactly the same. Also, much like how you can't judge one religion based on your own religion, I think judging and over-generalising the world, based on your own terms according to your religion isn't completely fair either.

I don't know where I'm going with this post lol

I'm gonna get myself a cup of water.

Adulthood: Universities and Scholarships

I was too lazy to go back to my previous adulthood post, but there were some stuff in there that I forgot to mention.

The reason why I was looking at the scholarship in the first place, was partly to do with me looking at overseas universities. Initially, I was interested in Durham and UBC after some of their people came to introduce the universities to us. It all sounded very fun and exciting, and a sort-of Plan B. When my mum knew, she was upset about it, saying that none of my siblings have done their undergraduate studies overseas, and money. And honestly, I don't know why money is a problem, considering how things are going. Even if I were to pursue the issue and these things weren't a problem, I still have to stay for my braces.

Also, if I am serious about journalism, wouldn't it be smart for me to apply for a journalism scholarship anyway? Even if there were a bond to serve regardless of where I went, I would have a job for at least a couple of years. However, when I went to the scholarship talk session, I didn't realise that the admission process involved an internship. It makes sense: you'd want to at least see if the people you're investing money in, can actually do a decent job as a journalist, even if they cover small stories. Frankly, that portion of the admission process deterred and frightened me, because uh, hello, socially awkward person here. I mean I guess I'm not as bad as the term implies, but it's definitely not the first thing I'd jump at. (Wow, all the more reason for me not to become a journalist, huh...)

That aside, I realised that I didn't really need it - at least, not right now. After the little meeting with my dad's professor-friend at the laboratory, my dad said that if I'm staying here, I don't really need a scholarship. I mean I still could go if I want the internship experience, and that's not a bad thing (apart from maybe, cutting short my time at the labs since the journalism internship is around March). I even forgot that the scholarship isn't limited to undergraduates, until my dad reminded me. when I got home, I realised a possible course of action.

If I didn't take the scholarship opportunity now, I could even do it while in university, or after as a graduate. That would give me more time to seriously consider journalism, and if I still want to go overseas to pursue a degree in scientific journalism, then all the more reason to have a journalism scholarship fund that. Even better, I'd have a job right after for a longer period of time ouo

I know it's not a big deal, but I thought that it was still good for me to write down the thoughts I've had and keep them together in one place.

Braces: Week 1

[At first I wanted to do this as a day-by-day recount, but then I didn't have enough time to finish writing everything, so I'm just gonna have to do it in one shot, but a couple of sittings lol]

Man, so much has happened this week, huh? I think about a month ago, I scared myself into thinking I have some serious teeth problem, where the gum recedes and teeth become increasingly exposed, partly due to overcrowding of teeth. And sometimes I could feel my teeth shift, like it would move forward a little if I pressed my tongue against it. I freaked myself so badly that I cried and seriously considered needing braces. My initial reason for not wanting braces, was because the idea was introduced to me in the form of "looking better/prettier/etc" which I thought wasn't the purpose of braces, and wasn't what I would want them for. Neither did I want them just because everyone else did, like it was some cool fashion trend. Life is suffering as it already is.

I understood if people needed them for health reasons - and I suppose in some way, I'm doing it for that. When I visited the dentist, we had discussed what to do if I go through with getting braces. Also, apparently my wisdom teeth in my lower jaw were impacted, meaning they were going sideways against my existing teeth, so that was a problem that needed to be dealt with anyway. Everything seemed fine and dandy with me, even if it meant not eating proper solid food for Christmas. Past-Me apparently did not understand the concept of pain.

A consultation with a proper orthodontist was scheduled soon after. It was okay, just that it felt really weird when they took pictures of my teeth, with a warm mirror shoved into my small mouth, and molds taken of my pre-braces teeth. I was told it would taste funny, but it wasn't as bad as I expected, to be honest. [We interrupt this blog post for a news bulletin: as I was writing this, [on Wednesday] I tasted blood at the back of my mouth, and apparently I started bleeding. I went down to my parents' room, and my mum said that it's just raw gum that was scraped a little and started bleeding. It's nothing serious, thank God, but still kinda terrifying if you don't know what's going on. Anyway, I hope it stops soon ono]

I forgot where I left off, lol

My oral surgery was scheduled for the later half of December, but it was later shifted to last Monday, the 14th, which was just as well, since I had to sing the psalm the day before. I was stuffed full on Sunday since my surgery was first thing in the morning. There was fasting 4 hours prior to the surgery, to prevent any vomit or gagging during it. But I was surprised I couldn't even drink water. The surgery itself was pretty quick - or at least, it felt so. I remember reclining back in the dentist chair, had some of those operation, green-outfit-things put over my clothes and my hair. I was knocked out by sedation, not general anesthesia, so I was poked in a vein in my hand. The last four things I remember saying was "this wasn't the first time, being poked in my hand. My mum had to take a blood test, but I didn't have any good veins in my arm" and "I can really feel it" when things seems to move slowly when I tried looking around a bit. I was knocked out for an hour, but it felt like ten minutes, and the sleep didn't even feel that deep. Amazing.

When I woke up, I remember the nurse showing me the teeth that were extracted, and she asked if I wanted to keep them. I didn't really see the point in that, so they just threw them away lol I threw away my baby teeth quite awhile too anyway. (Yeah, I kept them in a little ziploc bag for quite a long time) Before the operation, my mum told me to just go home and sleep since the anesthetic was gonna be in effect for quite some time. I was still pretty conscious during the ride home, but I couldn't really feel my lower jaw. Like when I pressed on my lips, chin, and jaw, it felt all puffy, which was kinda funny. The picture of me on the first day isn't as funny as my swelling on the second day though.

I got home in one piece. I went upstairs to change my clothes, and then came back down so that my dad could change my gauze. I couldn't do it myself since, one: I didn't know where the extractions were (I couldn't feel it in my mouth LOL) and two: I can't do it myself. I was standing up as he shone a small torchlight into my mouth, and I remember my vision going fuzzy for awhile. At first I thought nothing of it 'cos I've had them before and nothing bad happened - but the next thing I knew, I heard my dad calling for my maid pretty loudly and desperately. It felt so surreal because it felt as though I was half asleep. It was only once I was laid down on the sofa that I realised what happened. This was the first time I passed out ouo

I suppose my fainting spell wasn't very serious since I was still conscious of what was happening. I was laid down on my side, and felt my legs were raised by a pillow, and soon fell asleep again. Me fainting was probably due to the anesthetic and me not having anything to eat. As I slept, I could feel myself biting on the gauze on and off, until I felt my shoulder get wet. I was drooling saliva and blood. My dad changed my gauze again, and I was laid down to sleep once more. At least it wasn't anything serious. My dad said it was just "old blood", and I figured that since I have no control over my lower jaw, I can't keep my drool in. That was later confirmed when my maid tried to give me some liquid paracetamol, and since my lower jaw wasn't functioning, I couldn't drink any of it. It just kinda came out with more bloody saliva onto my shirt. Not a pretty sight, I tell you. At some point nearer dinner, I could swallow at least a little, and good thing too, because I think I started getting a fever at some point.

And if it wasn't pain, it were fevers. I remember taking paracetamol at 12, waking up that night at 2, and woke up again at 4 with a fever. I took the paracetamol again, when actually it was only supposed to be taken every six hour lol orz Also I couldn't really taste anything, so drinking soups wasn't so bad. (It was only when I got my sense of taste back, that I found it sad to eat when food got cold and just tasted the same ono)

The second day wasn't as bad, I think. At least it wasn't as messy and embarrassing... My mum told me to take Panadol if there was any pain, and I was like "lol what pain am I supposed to feel". Considering I didn't feel any pain the day before (thanks, sedatives!), I had no idea what was in store for me. The swelling was the most that day, and I could barely open my mouth. The swelling was so severe, that the area right under my left ear felt numb and a little painful. It was pretty funny though, when I took pictures of my swollen cheeks and sent them to friends. At least I got some laughs out of that, and hey, I completely understand: whenever I go to the bathroom and catch myself in the mirror, I break out in silent laughter (since I can't laugh properly). It didn't occur to my mum either that I should have iced my swelling on the day of the operation, saying that my siblings' swelling wasn't that serious and went down pretty quick. It did help a little I guess, but might have been better if it were immediate.

I ate a lot more that day, too: banana smoothie for breakfast, mushroom soup for lunch, mashed papaya and honey, half a cup of ice-cream, mushroom soup (again), and mashed pears with more ice-cream. After awhile, eating starts becoming a chore, because not only does food get stuck in the sockets (the empty gaps between teeth), but jaw movements was still limited. Also it's sad to have to eat so slowly that food gets cold, and you still have to eat it.

Since I couldn't open my mouth very wide, I had to settle with rinsing my mouth with salt water. Unsurprisingly, it tasted like the sea (obviously). I thought it would hurt a lot, because salt and open wound, but it was okay. It did feel weird to not brush my teeth, and at least this kept my mouth a little cleaner. Only problem was, that when I closed and opened my mouth, my molars felt a little sticky. Dangit, plaque! When I first tried brushing my teeth on the third day, I could only manage my front teeth, but now, I can (very gently) brush my molars too (barely). Kids, brush your teeth regularly and thoroughly; you don't know how good it feels to have clean teeth.

Thursday and Friday were okay, nothing new, really. Apart from pain being more apparent. I don't know why, but my teeth hurt when I lied down, and it would take me a while to properly fall asleep. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night, needing a drink, since my mouth dried easily with me sleeping with my mouth open. Even now as I'm typing or doing anything else, I have my mouth open wider than usual.

I still can't eat much. I can bite with my incisors, but the chewing molars is where it's at. Like I know it's only my pre-molars that are gone, but it's really annoying to have food stuck in the sockets - and have a large ulcer on the underside of your tongue, at the front left corner. My dad kept asking me if I've been able to eat properly. No dad, sadly my dumb ulcerated tongue is in the way of that. Also I still have stitches, which will be there until the 29th.

Anyway, at least I'm well enough to go out. I hope Christmas meals will be specially catered for me, because I really don't want to have to painstakingly chew my food right now. I'm not being lazy, I just want to be really careful and not accidentally stab my closed wounds, or get food stuck at the back where my stitches are. Also biting is still not good when teeth are still kinda shaky. Most of the swelling has gone down, but pain at the jaw bone, both at the cheek and on the inside, is still there. Also ulcer. Ulcers are the bane of my existence. If you know me, I've complained about ulcers more than once. And oh my God, I'm not looking forward to braces because of the gosh diddly darn ulcers. ULCERS.

So, how is everybody else's Christmas holidays?

Adulthood: Part 2 & 3

Quite a couple of things happened last week, but I didn't really have the time to write it down, since I've been Christmas shopping with my mum and making gift tags for her. Also, I just recently got some teeth extracted, so sleeping and physically hurting has been taking up my time ;w;

On the 5th of December, there was a journalism scholarship talk I was gonna go for. Sadly, I had to go alone lol The only other person whom I knew was at least a little interested in journalism, was away for the holidays for a really long time, so I just had to make do and go by myself. Still, it was kinda cool to go by myself. I don't think I've ever gone out alone. If I do, it's usually to meet someone else, but this was kinda surreal and exciting in some way. (Don't judge me.)

The journey there wasn't so bad: there was a straight bus from my house; but you know me, I cam somehow mess up the smallest of things. I saw what I thought was my stop, but my reaction time was too slow to get up and alight. That turned out okay, because my actual stop was the one after it. And the same thing happened again. Okay, nevermind, I just need to get off at the next stop and walk back maybe! The bus went round a curve along a highway, before going back into residential area. I had to make do with stopping there, crossed over, and took the same bus back to the actual place. I guess it could have gone worse, but yeah, waste of time and worrying haha orz Anyway, I got to where I needed to be, asked where the talk was being held, and made my way to the place.

It was kinda daunting at first. The little foyer in front was empty, with a few staff on site. I wondered if that was the right place, and it was, when they ushered me into a small little hall with rows of seats. I didn't really pay much attention to my surroundings, I was too busy being nervous, as a lady told me to fill in the seats of the front row. Fair enough, until I realised I was visible, and in the line of sight of the speakers. Wow, okay they can see me, no biggie ;w;

A couple of videos of staff members and previous scholarship recipients played on loop, recounting their experiences and what it meant to be a journalist. There were two grammatical errors, and I couldn't believe it. ["A lot" isn't "alot" and it's not "adrenenline" omg] Most of the recounts by the scholars were of their experience covering small stories, that people wouldn't really know or care about. At first I thought that was kind of pointless, but then again that was what journalism is about: bringing stories to people so that they would care about such things. Later on, other questions popped into my head, like, "why am I here? Do I really want to do journalism?" 

I thought I knew what journalism is. After watching "Kill The Messenger" about that journalist who exposed the truth behind the introduction of drugs into America, I knew that journalism is about bringing the truth to the people, and letting them come to their own conclusions. It's about educating the public, providing them with information from all perspectives and letting them decide for themselves. I suppose what they stressed in the talk was more about story-telling, which is important in it's own way, too. Additionally, they talked about how journalists tend to shift to different areas of journalism after a few years, which is kinda cool, but at the same time, not quite what I had imagined. My dad told me that what they look for in journalists, is an area of expertise. I'm pretty sure that if you cover politics or economics, you would need to understand all the jargon and terms before you translate them into something simpler and easier to understand for the general public. I should have taken the Q&A session to ask about scientific journalism, but I didn't know what exactly I wanted to ask ;w;

Anyway, after the whole session was some tea catered outside, and maybe I should have taken the opportunity to ask about application requirements, like whether I needed teacher references, and when was the closing date, but I got too scared. What made it worse was when I was thinking of getting some food (free, yey!) but then I two J1s caught my attention and gave me a general indication of recognition and I immediately nope'd out of there. I didn't want to stay around after that.

It was around 4, coming to 5, when I was at the bus stop. I could take the bus all the way back home, but I thought that since I was out, I might as well look for the Coldplay CD I wanted ;w; But, with the building being in the middle of almost nowhere except residences, it was hard to do so. I took a bus to a stop that I recognised near school, but didn't really know where to go from there. I ended up taking a bus to the place where I lost my EZ-link card, in the hopes of finding it. I had to walk across the overhead bridge with the sun setting, directly in my eyes, and since the bridge is pretty high up, it was blinding ono Once I got to the shopping centre, the bank was closed at 4.30. Had I gone earlier, I wouldn't have made it in time anyway. I just had to make my way home.

Wednesday was my next trial. My dad managed to schedule a meeting with one of his school friends who currently works in the laboratories at NUS, and he thought that if I'm doing biological/biomedical sciences, I should get a feel of real laboratory work first. Nothing went wrong during the meeting, I think it was pretty okay. There was even a little introduction and walk around the labs, which were a lot smaller and cluttered than I thought. My dad poked me to ask questions, which is still very awkward for me, when people are around LOL I don't know, I wasn't particularly inquisitive or curious (and how can I ever be a journalist like that, omg)

The most strenuous part about the whole thing though, wasn't the meeting, but the fact I had no socks on. My mum told me to wear something formal but comfortable - and anything with "formal" in them means, one of my black shoes. Those black shoes that haven't been broken in and are still stiff and uncomfortable. I would have been fine if I had my socks, but they weren't dry. So, I just had to settle with going sock-less. Bad idea.

My dad parked at his office nearby and said we could walk to the place. It was further than he expected. Then we almost got lost because the campus is so big, so he was concerned that I couldn't find my way home. (That was the initial plan see, he'd drop me off, and then let me go home by myself c:) While we were walking, my shoe kept popping off, which was really annoying and troublesome. I couldn't help but curse under my breath. I hope my dad didn't hear that, but he knew it was causing me trouble. When everything was over, he decided to take me to the train station and wait for him at one of the stations nearer where he parked the car, and then I could wait for him there to pick me up. In the end, that was okay c: (yey dad)

Well, that has been my journey so far. I guess you could include my oral surgery as part of this since that's pretty daunting on its own, but that's for another post. And maybe I shouldn't call these posts "adulthood", or specifically relate it to becoming an adult. I feel like that just makes it larger than it really is. I mean yes, it is in some way, part of my growth to become independent, but at the same time, I need to approach it from an angle in which I don't see it as troublesome or fearsome. I don't know, I'll figure it out when I'm in less pain right now.

Look Ma, I'm an Adult Now

-- LIKE YOU WANT ME TO BE.

I know it's weird to suddenly start using this blog again, but I really really need to write this down. This is going to be part of coming-of-age story and I need to document it. Okay, here we go.

On Tuesday, my first step towards actual, social, material adulthood (I guess I could call it that) was getting my first - you guessed it! - card. Awhile before that, my mum had asked me if I wanted a supplementary credit card, so you know, going plastic was going to be a thing in my life. So we went to the bank and got an account set up and everything.

There was a point in time when they needed my NRIC for the creation of an account, and I remembered my mum telling me to bring my EZ-link card. I assumed my mum wasn't going to bring my NRIC (because she wants me to be ~responsible, ooh~) so I did bring it. I was about to take it out when my mum had my NRIC anyway, so basically I didn't need to bring it.

Shaky start on my path to adulthood: I don't have a signature. The lady assisting us (or should I say, me; it's not my mum who needs this lol) left for awhile, and I told my mum I don't have a signature yet, and she was like, "then you just ask her what to do when she comes back!" And being any teenager who doesn't know how to socially interact and ask questions, this was a tall order for me. The lady came back and my mum was like "she has a question to ask you" and I'm just "uuuuuuuhhhh", because come on mum, what do you expect from me ;w; My mum asked for me anyway, so uh, that turned out okay I guess.

After all that was settled with, we went to get my glasses, did some grocery shopping, then went back home.

My mum passed me my cards (the debit one, my ibanking thing, and my NRIC) and told me to keep them properly. I was putting them in my wallet until I realised: I didn't have my EZ-link card. I was kinda chill about it, thinking that it was still in my pockets, so I checked them. It wasn't there either. Okay, not so chill now. I checked all four pockets, even another pair of shorts I remember wearing a day before; not there either. Now what. I freaked out most of Wednesday, not doing anything about it because hey, I don't want to get killed by my mum if she knew lol

I finally got round to telling my mum on Thursday, after we had a really short swim (it was about to rain), and I could tell she was a little upset. I mean I guess her reaction is to be expected, and I thought it would be worse, so uh, I guess that was okay. She told me things like, I should "get in the habit of bringing a bag around when I go out" (it was just a card, omg) and that I have to be more "responsible with cards" (mum pls) and my quest for the week: to call the places we went to, to find my EZ-link card.

I don't know what level this sort of quest would be. Calling up places is one of the more awkward things to do I think, when you're a teenager. I remember there was one point in time, when my sister was in JC, her then-boyfriend was calling up the bus depot, taxi, or cinema (I'm not sure which one) inquiring about time schedules, and she said that he sounded very "professional/posh/proper". Then there are anecdotes from other people on Tumblr about the Fearful Phone Calls that they have needed to make by themselves. Was this a real struggle? I mean I can understand why it would be, especially after being coddled and taken care of by parents.

Sometimes I wonder if my parents are to blame for my inability to talk to strangers or to ask for things. Maybe I would be okay with these things if they had taught me how to do it sooner. I remember the few times when I was left alone to wait for them, or go somewhere ahead without them, and sometimes it's terrifying when you're a kid. When I went for Sunday catechism classes, I had to reserve a pew for the rest of my family, and I used to get myself worked up when they hadn't come yet, because sometimes there'll be other parishioners who come and sit down in the same pew. And me being afraid to talk to them, wouldn't dare say it's for the rest of my family. (2 bad fam, u were l8 there4 no seat 4 u lol)

Another incident was rather recent, I went to cut my hair, and my mum wasn't allowed to sit in the salon and wait for me, so she went to walk around a bit I think. Halfway through my haircut, my mum came back saying to meet her at Taka - she expected me to get there on my own. Internally I was like MOM WHAT YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME HERE and I was irritated. Maybe it was partly because while we were in the car to the shopping mall, my mum told me not to cut my hair so short, and that the length I had was nice. But I like short hair, it's less troublesome and faster to dry and it's my hair :v So her leaving me to go find her after - expecting me to be independent - after she tried to direct me on how to cut my hair, was contradictory, it was annoying.

She texted me directions on how to get to Taka, and I tried. I got kinda lost, but I roughly knew where Taka was, so I was okay. Partly, I went around on my own out of spite, 'cos she said that I should "go explore" so I was thinking, "sure, I'll go explore if that's what you want." There was a point in time when I had change after paying for the haircut, and I was so tempted to put it all in a donation box - but I can't, because it's my mum's money, I knew that much.

The only troubling thing was that I took quite some time. At one point, while I was trying to orientate myself, she messaged me telling her when I'm done. And I thought "poop, what if I tell her I'm done and she comes back to the hairdresser's and find I'm not there" so it took me awhile to find her on my own lol So that was okay I guess.

Anyway, where was I going with that story? Oh right. I don't know if it would have been better if my parents had encouraged my independence earlier. I realised that in the beginning of JC1 (and a little till now) I'm afraid to ask if I can go out. It was okay if it was with friends, but I was terrified that my mum would say no if I asked if I could go out with The Boob. I'm afraid of asking for things like this, and even if people say "if you never ask, it's always a no!" I'd rather have a definitive "no" than the possibility of a "yes" to be taken away from me when it is an actual "no". lol anyway, that's enough of the slightly-recent past, now is time for the future.

Continuing on with Thursday, my mum passed me her car keys to search the car for it, and when I went downstairs to do so, the car wasn't there. Turns out my sister took the car out to go to work, and when I asked her to look for my EZ-link card, she said it wasn't there :I

So today, I tried calling up the places that we went to: the bank, the optician, and the supermarket. I had been delaying calling them during the day, by distracting myself with Harvest Moon (IloveitokayitmightbeaproblembutlookwhatI'mdoingnowLOL) and I thought that calling during lunch wouldn't be a good time 'cos they probably wouldn't be in then. This was a bit of a doozy, because the question was where to ask first. I searched online for the phone numbers, so I called the optician first.

Second blunder of my journey:  messing up when the optician place picked up my call. I thought I was just going to jump straight into the call and everything I needed to say would be said! Nope. I struggled trying to get past the beginning of the call. It was just a bunch of drawn-out "uuuhhhs" before I could properly get a word out. It was really awkward, I felt like what I said wasn't as coherent as I intended it to be. Anyway, they didn't find my EZ-link card there. Oh well.

Next I tried the supermarket. There were two phone numbers I tried, and neither picked up. Welp.

Last was the bank. This one was kinda tricky and more of a wild ride, because none of the numbers I found online were specific to the branch I went to. Sigh. I actually tried the general number, but it's the usual, automated, "press __" response, so that was useless for me. Then it came to me: call the shopping mall! I found the phone number of the shopping mall (on their facebook page apparently?) to ask for the specific number of the branch, which thankfully, I managed to get! And guess what? The lady who answers the phone calls? She was on leave.

I called the information counter again, and it was the same old man who picked up lol I told him that it was me again, and that the lady he directed me to was on leave, so he went to search for another number. He dug up two handphone numbers, and I was like, wat. H-handphone numbers? He said they belonged to one of the higher-ups in the branch itself, and I think it's kinda questionable if you're able to find a number that goes straight to a person-in-charge - through public means.

Anyway, I tried calling both, both resulted in a voicemail thing, which is understandable, and gladly it didn't really work. That being said though, one of the voicemail thingies said that they worked at so-and-so bank, so I assumed that it was a phone number specifically for work. I tried calling, and I got through! The person though, was overseas. I asked them if they worked at so-and-so bank, and they directed me to the call center. So, I guess it turns out that Information Counter Man brought me too close to the contacts in the bank LOL

I tried calling the supermarket after this uh, encounter, and I had some success. The lady on the other line asked me about when I lost my EZ-link card, and which counter I was at, and a contact number in the case they find it. Hopefully it's there if it isn't anywhere else. Maybe I'll have to personally search the car, and if it isn't there, I'll have to go down to the bank at the shopping mall. At least I remember the first name of the lady advising us on the account, and which room that was in, so there might be some hope there! Only thing though, is that if it's not at the supermarket, I hope they didn't go through so much effort to find it for me ;w;

So yeah, that's my path towards adulthood for you. There were other things, like having to fix a date and time with one of my dad's colleagues, so that I can look around the labs and see what it's like to be a research scientist. That part was kinda scary for me as well because, well, contacting adults and me having to adult. What fun it is to not be the Dancing Queen anymore.