potatoes.

For some reason, the past week or so has been spent feeling quite, draining? It's not like I'm particularly busy, I think I've just been feeling, tired and low on energy, or rather, my energy is being spent worrying about work and being afraid of doing a bad job which makes me even more fearful of trying to do work which means less time for me to do a good job.

I know this sounds weird but I feel like I was suddenly tossed all these potatoes and I have to somehow carry all of them in my arms, and I have no where to put them down, and I can't drop them 'cos they're important, and I just have to hold them until I'm told I can drop them. And I'm confused and panicking, "what do I do with these potatoes??", making sure not to spill them, trying to hold everything in.

Sigh.

I don't know what this is lol I just hope I'll be okay. I think I will be. I know that I still have time, and whatever needs to be done eventually (probably) will be. But I just hope that it'll be a decent job, just enough. (but I don't know if it will.)

I'll be okay.

Relationships

Tonight was a weird one.

Anyway, long story short, it was just my parents and me for dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant. For some reason, my mum starts asking me about Hans and our relationship, and how I knew I was sure about him. Asking me if I'm in it because there was no one else, or if I felt obliged to stay after so long; if there's no one in university or church, if I'm not leaving myself up to the possibility of anyone else. I know she asked these questions out of concern (and maybe there's something going on with my sister and her husband which is why my mum is worried and wants to be sure), but like damn, these were questions I had to deal with inside myself when Hans and I were really going to have to go the full 8000 miles apart.

That sort of self-doubt was not a good time lol I even remember messaging Hans about it, about all the "what if"s, and even that was upsetting for him. And it's not something I want to put him through again.

Another issue she raised, was that she felt it better if she did what her dad did, which is to get the other person to be baptised. I understood where she was coming from: it would make things a lot easier if he understood me on my wavelength, but again, that was another issue I already knew I had to deal with. He knows that, too, what with me casually slipping it into conversations and whatnot lol

Anyway, being overwhelmed by those questions (and the feelings I had attached to them that my mum had no chance to know about anyway I don't blame her) I tried hard not to cry. (my seafood stew was salty enough. if I wanted more I'd just ask the waitress to add the salt for me thanks) My mum apologised.

While eating, I was trying to understand why she was asking such questions. Was it because on the surface I didn't seem like I was that interested in him? I mean it was possible, considering that I was never really touchy-feely in front of my family when he was around, nor do I say much about our relationship since it's already hard enough to just find time to chat with each other.

And then I wondered why I myself was like that. I think for so long, I had just put up a front, trying not to be emotional or "give anything away", mostly 'cos I don't want to end up a blubbering mess just because I'm emotionally overwhelmed. Then I thought maybe I'm like that 'cos at some point, I didn't feel comfortable telling my family things that were important to me and emotionally special to me, Hans being one of them. (I guess it was the few times I remembered my siblings getting in trouble and the anger that resulted that terrifies me lol) Anyway, I thought the solution would be write a message to my mum, telling her how I felt about him, and that the reason I had been quiet about it is 'cos I didn't feel safe to express myself before.

But boy was I wrong.

As soon as we got home, it was my dad who approached me first. Basically, he came to tell me that he didn't agree with what my mum did, and that it wasn't the right time and place to have such a discussion, and that sometimes you can't always be sure in relationships. But, he said, if there was anything to take away, was about sharing the same faith. I can't exactly remember what he said about it, but he mentioned things like he knew of inter-faith marriages that worked, and that if my faith was something important to me, then it's something I would need to think about.

He was pretty emotional. I think that was 'cos he was felt my pain when I felt like I was being "attacked". Or maybe it's some concern spilling over from my sister's situation. Whatever it was, it was very much needed on my end, to see him emotional and vulnerable with me, something so rare to see. (but damn, if my dad cries, you know something hit him hard.) Ultimately, he wanted to comfort and reassure me and tell me he loved me, which I am very grateful for.

Then my mum came up, about an hour later, as I was writing this. At least by then, I was in a better position, and I knew, or well at least thought, where she was coming from. She doesn't doubt Hans and me, and in fact, thinks that things could be strengthened even more. She's concerned about my future, if I'm going to go to church alone, and when we have kids, who's going to do the faith formation, things like that. She doesn't deny that it's possible for a person's spouse to convert later during the marriage, but that it would be great if we started life together on the same foot.

I don't disagree with anything she says, I just personally know that pursuing the Catholic faith isn't something he would do on his own. I think he's open to experiencing and eventually learning about the faith, but if he does pursue it, it would be with me, which I'm happy to do. The boy needs a helping hand, and I'm the person for that lol

By this point, during the course of writing this post and after hearing what my parents had to say, I know the problem isn't so much Hans and/or me, but probably an issue that popped up concerning my sister. I say this for multiple reasons, like the last time my dad was visibly emotional was concerning my sister and her husband. But I don't really think it's my place to say anything else, considering that I don't have the full story about it, especially since the small bits I know has nothing to do with religion.

So uh, yeah. What I thought was going to be an emotional rollercoaster about my relationship with Hans and in turn my relationship with my parents. But it turns out they're more concerned about in the possibility it's not for the best, probably 'cos my sister is going through a rough patch in her own relationship. I don't know what's going on with her, but at least on my end, I know that it's an issue I'll need to revisit again.

Change?

Long time no write lol I guess it would seem like this post came out of nowhere, but I felt like I had to write this. It's been something bothering me for quite awhile, and I guess I needed to put it down and verbalise it, instead of just leaving it in my head, where it gets twisted.

I suppose the starting point of this thought is kinda random: I was watching some videos of youtubers I used to watch in secondary school, and I saw that their latest videos were that of them essentially moving away from the platform for multiple reasons, that seemed to have happened all at once. And I guess, I never occurred to me that they had been making videos for ten years. And I remembered that they used to be people I was in awe of. And I don't know, I guess I felt, old. Anyway, they're not really the point. I guess it was just another manifestation of something I've been sort of afraid of: have I actually grown up?

Thinking about people I used to watch, led me to think about people I used to know in primary and secondary school, as in people I knew about, the people we (the usual bunch) used to talk and complain about lol And I feel like they people they are now, are kind of what I expected from them, but yet I also feel like they're far removed from where I am now. As in, I feel like I'm not like them, when some part of me thinks I'm expected to be: dressing up, going out, being social, making friends, whatever. Fair enough, that kind of thing was never my thing, but, I don't know, I feel like doing those things are typical of people growing up and growing older. I feel like I didn't experience things that "majority" of people have - and I guess that makes me feel like I've missed something.

I don't know if that's true or not. I mean, yeah, I guess those sort of experiences are what some people have as part of their growing up. Like in those choose-your-own-adventure stories, there are some paths which are taken more than others. But I guess I feel like that's just one of the reasons which makes me question whether I've really grown.

I feel like I'm still the same person, in a way, at least since my time in JC. I'm still afraid of many things (what is social interaction haha), there are things I don't want to face, things that I have felt and have not gotten over, and I don't want to grow up. Yeah, I got new responsibilities, but doing isn't always the same as being. And I guess the thought that I haven't changed as a person is what terrifies me. Like I'm falling behind, like I'm not being the person I'm expected to be, like I'm still the same old person I don't want to be!!

I suppose it's hard for me to find a frame of reference, especially since I haven't been regularly keeping track of my past-self, so I don't have much to look back on to know how far I've gone.

About not writing: I don't think it was a matter of laziness. It was more of, I was afraid of what people would think of me if I wrote down my experiences and thoughts. I would be giving people a reason to judge me, or think differently of me. Letting people read my thoughts is a frightening thought to me, especially considering how naive, dumb, and immature I used to be on my blogs lol I think, after awhile, I felt like no one wanted to listen to me, except for the two who I knew would. Even then, they're people who are struggling through their own things, too.

At some point, I started thinking, "there are people out there who have no one", and that I thought I was in a better position, so I shouldn't complain and be distressed. But I also know, internally, I'm probably not okay in many ways, and that I've been deluding myself. But still, I went on thinking that other people have their problems, no one wants to hear mine. (Maybe it's also why I'm afraid of social people: how are they so functional and normal lol Can they actually see through me and realise I'm not normal and that I have fears and anxieties gnawing away at me lol)

I think those two paragraphs sort of went on a tangent, but it does explain why I've been the way I've been, during and since JC.

I think JC-me is the person I want to move away from. The person who's afraid of social relationships, and be extension, afraid of getting to know and being with new people, afraid of letting new people in. It's like being in JC all over again, just that during that time, it was like I was being shoved into a box. Now, my past experiences exist in that small, neat package, serving as a reminder (a warning) of what happened lol

I know that at least over time, I have become more comfortable in the community I've found myself in, but I haven't done enough to actually reach out and get to know them. I guess that is a fear to overcome, and it doesn't help that I'm introverted in the first place.

I don't know, I guess I won't feel right with myself until I move on, move past my old self (at least what I think of as my old self). Maybe I have been taking steps, moving away from who I used to be. But it's like being an ant on the white starting line: I've probably moved from my original starting position, but all I see around me is the same white for what seems like forever.

At least being honest here has made me feel a bit better.
Watch as I doubt the words I have put down: is it honesty, or is it just me trying to reason away things lol
(I'm pretty sure some things were and some things weren't - I'm still not entirely honest with myself)

To whoever reading this post (i.e. future me, probably): let this post be a landmark, to mark out where I once was. If, at the point of reading this, I am nothing like the version of me as described in this post, let it be a good sign.

Summer Lovin', Had Me A Blast

Summer lovin', happened so fast~

Yeah yeah, that's p cheesy and no one wants to know that. But I thought I might as well write down what Hans and I did while he was here, otherwise I'd forget it all lol

29th June-2nd July: I can't remember what was the exact day he came, but yeah, it was a few days before the July. Basically he came down for my sister's wedding on the 1st of July lol We didn't do much, except let him settle in the basement, help my mum clean the house, and watched a few movies (Beauty and the Beast and Koe no Katachi).

My sister's wedding day went pretty well, I think. We had to wake pretty early, 'cos there was hair and make-up to be done for the church wedding. So yeah, that was probably one of the few times I've worn make-up. At least I'm glad to say that it was light enough that I could tolerate it, but also obvious enough for me to notice the difference lol

During mass, Hans sat in front with me 'cos I had to go up to do the psalm. But when I came back down, I had to go to the choir loft, so I left the poor boy in the front lol Even though I thought it could've been better, most people thought it was good so, eh, who am I to say lol After mass, I let him take a few pictures of me (and us) since we don't have a lot of pictures of each other. I think they were okay, but I felt really awkward 'cos full body shots are weird and I don't know how to pose lol orz (After the whole week was over and my mum was looking through photos that my relatives had taken, she asked me why there were no photos of Hans and I. Welp.)

In the afternoon, we had a Chinese tea ceremony back at our place, where my sister and new brother-in-law had to present tea to all the older relatives, and then receive tea in return from the youngsters lol Later on at night was the temple wedding, so that was another round of touching up make-up and fixing hair. One of my brother-in-law's relatives came over too, to help my mum and I into our saris. I thought it would be a lot harder to walk in but it's not so bad. My problem was that my skirt kept twisting, so it was a little troublesome, but it was okay for most of the night.

The Indian temple wedding was interesting, although none of us had any idea of what was going on. Hans and I were in charge of the reception table, where we directed people to take a card to write some notes for the couple, and to take free bangles and bindiis lol I was called halfway through to join the relatives on stage though, where we watched some sort of ceremony going on.

First, my brother was on stage to receive a ring from brother-in-law (I'm not sure what it is but it's all part of the thing lol). Then it was followed by the priest dude guiding my brother-in-law through the procession, like pouring saffron or coconut water on other stuff on stage. Turns out it was longer than it should've been, 'cos the priest dude was adding a bunch of steps? But somehow, when all that was over, my sister was brought out - and then followed by more ceremony stuff. Some of it was pretty funny, like when they had to present garlands to each other, they had to take turns, dancing towards each other to put it on lol Once all that was done, guests could come on stage to sprinkle rice on them as a way of blessing them. Then finally, after hours on stage, it was time for dinner lol

By the time we came down, I think most people who were invited were already gone, like maybe the just came to watch the ceremony for a little bit, eat dinner, then go lol To be fair, the ceremony did end later than expected, so I guess some people just came to congratulate and then disappear lol Those that were left were like friends of my parents and relatives. We did end pretty late, so I think by the time we came home, I was just knocked out lol

4th-9th July: I have no idea what we did on Monday LOL We probably just hung around the house and help with housework or something like that. But on Tuesday, we brought Hans with us for pilates, and hopefully he learned a couple of things he could do to ease tension on his back. Even though it was like going back to basics, I'm glad to say that at least I have managed to handle them well lol We also spend the afternoon swimming, so that was pretty fun too c:

Yeah to be honest, I forgot a lot of things that happened that week. I think we spent most of it doing chores, or playing Portal 2 and Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes. Hans also had some gaming competition his friends signed up for, so he spent most of the time training with them. I didn't mind it since I knew that it was something that he wanted to do. (And if anything, it means he owes me big time heheh)

I think there was one day we went out (I'm not sure what for LOL) but I managed to convince Hans to buy himself something that was NOT completely black. Some context: the boy brought nothing but black T-shirts with him. Even the dress shirt he brought for the wedding was black. (On the wedding night, he wore a batik shirt which is like a total cop out lol) So when we went into Uniqlo, I picked out some black graphic tees for him to try. He was fine with trying stuff on, just that sadly, none of them were nice. Like there was a minimalist one with a small design on the front - only for the same design to be blown up on the back. So, nope.

But then we saw some dry-fit jackets, kinda like the one I have. He tried on a white one, and I thought it looked pretty good! (probably because it contrasted with his black shirt underneath LOL) But he settled on a black one with blue trimming along the side. I was pretty fine with it too. I didn't expect him to actually get something that 1. was clothes and 2. I suggested. To be fair, he doesn't look so bad in black, just that I find it a little sad if he only ever looked like an artist, with the plain black shirt, jeans, and long hair. Anyway, I hope he gets the chance to use it back in Canada - I paid $12.90 for that I think.

Anyway, since he was going to spend most of the week playing games at home, I went out with Ju on Friday to go clothes shopping. She wanted to drop off her old clothes for recycling, and then we walked around hoping to get something. I wasn't expecting myself to get anything, but!! Ju found a skirt for me from the clearance section of Uniqlo, and it was like $12.90, which I think was pretty worth it for the material it was made from. Like yeah, H&M, TEMT, Cotton On etc. are cheap, but I think they're cheap 'cos of the material their stuff is made from. But a Uniqlo skirt that is made from pretty thick, heavy material? For $13? I'm getting it. When we went to pay though, turns out it wasn't $13. It was $7.90???? Like???? That was so unexpected!!! I haven't had the occasion to wear it yet though. Hopefully I do soon.

Saturday night, we went out for dinner with my siblings + new bro, somewhere in Labrador park. We went to walk along the beach after dinner, which was quite interesting, since I've never been (or at least never had memories of) pasir panjang beach. It was a good thing I wore my walkable flats, 'cos we walked quite a distance. We could see bits of Sentosa and the Shell oil refinery from where we were. We even went out to the pier where people were fishing in the middle of the night, and then walked all the way back to the car. It was a pretty nice night to walk, and pretty entertaining for Hans too, since he's never been to that side of Singapore.

On Friday/Saturday his friends were up against professional players, so they didn't stand much of a chance in the first round lol But it also meant that they had to play in a second qualifying round the next day. I was a little disappointed he didn't show up for mass lol but needless to say, they didn't make it through that either, so I could understand his disappointment too.

10th - 17th July: Now this is the week I can remember more of lol The previous two kinda just went by, but this week was when we did a lot of things together.

Monday: We set out planning to go to Sentosa, but walking out in the hot sun around noon, we decided it wasn't such a good idea. And there wasn't anything at Sentosa which I thought was worth doing (and was relatively cheap), so we headed down to Gardens by the Bay instead, to get air-con at the flower dome and cloud forest heheh.

It was my first time going there by train, so it was a good opportunity to walk through all the other smaller themed gardens. (Last time I was there, I only got a chance to see the flower dome and cloud forest.) Unfortunately, on the day we were there, the cloud forest was under maintenance, so we could only go into the flower dome. Still, I think Hans enjoyed it anyway. He wouldn't call himself a flower person, but I think we spent quite a decent time looking at everything, and he read almost every information board about plants lol Nice to see him interested in something I appreciate too c:

After we spent most of the day there, we headed down to Marina Bay Sands, since the ArtScience museum was pretty close. We took some really long way, that involved us walking past some rooftop bleachers, in the light of the setting sun, which is pretty damn hot, I must say, when the sun is in your eyes. Unfortunately - again! - they weren't accepting anymore visitors by the time we reached there :/ So, we headed back into MBS, hoping to get dinner, but with everything so expensive, we just went down to Vivo in the end.

Hans wanted to watch Spiderman, and according to online, we would make it to the theatre in time - and we did! But again, by the time we reached, the only seats available were the first three rows. And knowing Hans' shoulder after playing his diddly darn game for days, looking straight up was only going to make matters worse for him. There was another showing at 8.45 pm, but I thought that would end quite late, so I decided against it. As we were leaving, he was pretty upset about it, that I wasn't willing to watch lol

When I realised how much he wanted to watch, I offered to turn back and get tickets anyway, but he said no. Knowing his reasoning now though, I understand. I'm also the kind of person where if I'm upset by something, and someone tries to resolve it - only because I'm already upset - I also wouldn't want it lol After dinner and walking around for a little, while we were sitting outside, he started teasing me, saying how I still actually didn't want to watch, even though I offered, ya dum boi. But's all good, we managed to watch Spiderman later in the week lol

Tuesday: This was the fateful day I would learn how to cycle. The result? I still don't know how to cycle LOL

We headed down to ECP, since that's one of the few places with proper bike rentals, and reached there about 4 pm. We rented two bikes for two hours (Hans' bike was pretty much unused, since I never reached a point where I could cycle beside him on my own LOL)

When I first got onto the bike, I found it quite hard to balance on my own, so even though Hans was holding onto the handlebars and me, I was pretty shaky, and swiveled side to side too much lol orz But eventually, when I convinced myself not to think too much about it, we went quite a distance (with Hans still holding onto the bike, of course ;w;) But whenever I stopped, it was pretty hard to start up again. Eventually, with about half an hour left, I wanted to give up. But knowing how disappointed Hans would be if I quit when we still had time, I tried again anyway.

I think by the end of that day, I was like 60% there? And I'm probably more comfortable on a bike than I was when we first started. But I can also say that I did Hans proud, 'cos I didn't give up when we still had the chance to bike lol We went home for dinner that night, because I was not going to miss eliminations on Masterchef that night. (I also went home with a really sore crotch, but that was apparently 'cos I was sitting forward too much, and not sitting on my butt enough lol orz)

That night, we also sat down to try and plan where we wanted to go, given that we had a limited number of days left. We had intended to go back to school (so Hans could drop off some cookies for the teachers), watch Spiderman, the bird park, more cycling, the artscience museum, and ice-skating. Like I listed all the places we wanted to go, and searched up how long it would take us to get from one place to the next. Ultimately we came up with a plan, but we only managed to do half of those things lol orz

Wednesday: That day, we planned on watching Spiderman, and ice-skating, so we headed down to Jurong East. I was quite glad we watched Spiderman, I didn't expect it to be so good. Like, it was satisfying, pleasant, and in general such a good movie - but at the same time, it wasn't the kind of movie that needed to be hyped, which I'm really glad for.

By the time it ended and we had (a late) lunch, we headed down to JCube to ice-skate. And as luck would have it, judging from Monday, they closed early because they had an event at 5 pm. So yeah, that was pretty annoying. We resorted to sitting upstairs to watch people skate, which is you know, less fun than actually skating lol Hans asked if we could go home early in that case, but I didn't want to so soon. Eventually, we just walked around looking at clothes for awhile, and then took a straight bus home.

Thursday: This was the day Joanna and I agreed to meet up, even if for just a while, so i invited her over to bake cookies!! But since she was coming in the afternoon, we headed to SJI first. However, when we got there, we didn't know we couldn't just walk into school. At the guardhouse, we were told we needed to contact a teacher, who would then bring us in. And the only person's number I had in my phone was Mr Karam's lol Anyway, I tried calling him, but he didn't respond, so Hans and I just decided to go eat lunch first. (and kinda paiseh 'cos we never said we were coming over in advance, so lol orz)

Well eventually, we managed to inform him that we were waiting at the guardhouse for him, and we were greeted by Ms Tan SH instead, since Mr Karam had lessons. She brought us to the staff room, to look around for teachers. We didn't see that many of them, since most of them were having lessons, but we did see Hans' French teacher (I don't know how to spell his last name ;w; orz). Even though he forgot Hans' name, he remembered him for his art, since well, his art was displayed in the stairwells around the senior school side LOL He also invited us to come over for French day, which was happening the next day, and we were like sure why not lol They talked quite a fair bit in French, and about school, so that was nice. Ms Tan also showed him to his old secondary school teacher who was in charge of the foreign students, so that was nice for him to meet up with him again.

When Ms Tan had to go for her own class, so she left us to go explore the senior side and the rest of the school ourselves. Along the way, we saw Mr Johnson, Mr Kishor (from a window, in the middle of his lesson), Ms Chia, 老师 (she asked me why I haven't visited for so long lol), and some of his old secondary school teachers. We even headed to the art side, but the roller shutters were down, so we kinda tried to peek through the holes. Okay, well I did, and made quite some noise doing so... But Ms Vivian Tan was going to open the art room anyway, so lol There was another art teacher there as well, a new one I think, and she basically recounted about Hans' time in art, and um, my involvement.

Even though we didn't get to see everyone, like Mr Kishor, Mr Beaven, or the ever-elusive Mdm Koh, we were coming back the next day anyway. And we needed to get home to get Joanna, bring her over, and bake!

We met her at the supermarket outside the station, bought the few supplies that we needed, and headed home. I thought that the batch of cookies we would make would be a lot more, but it ended up being like, 20 normal-sized cookies, and one huge one (we wanted to know what would happen with just one huge blob lol) Once the big one was done though, we each had a third, whipped out some ice-cream, and just ate it. It was pretty nice I think, although I don't think I'd eat anything that sinful before dinner again. It was nice to see her though, and catch up with her while walking home, and do something together, even if it was just a few hours of baking and watching TV c:

Friday: In terms of weather-luck, we had it too good for too long. When we reached the station at SJI, it was a downpour, to the point that one step outside, meant our sneakers were soaked and we were walking on water. At least I wore my jeans ('cos we were going to go cycling again after), but even then, that just meant we were as good as fully soaked. Still, we managed to make it to school in time for French day.

It was kinda awkward being there though, because we absolutely recognised no one. But Ms Chia found us, and brought us back to the staff room, because Miss McMillan had wanted to see Hans and ask him about Canada. While walking through, we saw Mr Beaven, Ms Lawson, and Ms Isobel Lee, but I didn't really get a chance to talk to them. (Even if I did, I don't know what I would tell them ;www;) Anyway, after Hans spent quite some time chatting with Ms McMillan, we headed back down to the French day celebrations, since, she being from Quebec, I think Hans' French teacher was expecting her to make an appearance lol By then, the hour was almost up, and everyone was leaving to go for their classes, so we headed back home (still, in the rain).

Walking home in wet clothes is unbearable, man. Even though we were going to head out again to cycle, it didn't make sense to cycle in wet clothes, which is why we headed home first, to wash the soil out of shoes, and hang our pants up to dry. I'm pretty sure it was at this point, Hans changed into his new shoes we got while we were out (another item of clothing I did not expect him to actually buy lol But it was like only around $20, which I think is a steal) - but I don't remember which day he bought it. Anyway, we settled ourselves and then headed out again, back to ECP.

This time, we got ourselves a double bike instead of two individual ones, since well, I still can't cycle on my own. I think his initial hesitations with it, was he thought we couldn't talk while on the bike, and well, the whole point of cycling in the first place, was so that I could learn how to. He told me to sit in front, so I can still learn to cycle - but like damn son, trying to start was so difficult, because it was so heavy. So, I was delegated to the back ouo

It was nice, though, we cycled quite a distance. We headed towards the Marina Bay side, to where the barrage was. Getting there was quite tough: it wasn't a straight road all the way. We had to cross a bridge, and even though it wasn't a very steep incline, it was hard work to get up. At the barrage, I thought he might have been interested in going inside to see all the machinery and how it works, but since we didn't have a bike lock, we couldn't leave it there. So we cycled back, (back over the bridge again), and stopped a few times for a water break. We noticed the skies were getting quite dark as well, so we hurried a bit to get back to the rental stall.

Apparently, by the time reached the main park, it had already rained, so we luckily avoided getting caught in the rain while cycling. We cycled about half an hour away from the rental stall in the other direction, and then headed back when it was time to go. I don't know how enjoyable cycling was supposed to be, but at the pace we were going, it wasn't quite the kind where you can take your time and enjoy the breeze through your hair lol We were going quick enough that I felt like my thighs were going to die. But I could see myself going cycling with him again c:

Saturday: Throughout those two weeks, we hadn't had a chance to see the weebs, not since we had to cancel the Friday before my sister's wedding. We headed down to Mind Cafe, our now-regular hangout, to play some games for a few hours. We were surprised to learn that Meihang was working there now, especially since we were last there not too long ago, and didn't see her then. But it was nice to see her again, and she even taught us one of her favourite games, about soup. Basically, it's one of those quick-response games, where you can't say the name of the ingredient the previous person had drawn, or you can't say the taboo ingredient. We played one round and I was the first one to finish all my cards omg I didn't think I could do it, but I did.

We then played some other games, like Dixit (which Daryl once hated 'cos he lost p badly the first time we played LOL), Coup (at the request of Abbi), and codenames. Unfortunately, we didn't stay for long, since 1. Hans had been waking up pretty late, so we met up later than expected and 2. we had to pick up some stuff that Hans' dad needed from the pharmacy, and we were going home for dinner. Wish we could have played for longer though :/ (and after how much it cost to be there for a few hours on a weekend, I have a feeling that it's probably better to just buy the games themselves and go to someone's house to play LOL)

Sunday-Monday: Hans came with us to church, and for lunch, we basically ate what we had the previous Sunday LOL My mum was feeling kinda sick, so we had fish slice soup, again. But we spent the rest of the day (and night) watching movies, like Midnight Diner, Doctor Strange, and finally Kimi no Na Wa. (What a great movie to end his visit on, amirite? But seriously, I wanted him to watch it since it's good, and In This Corner of the World is not online at all omg) We also cooked a pizza in the middle of the night.

But yeah, I guess watching Kimi no Na Wa on the last night was not a good idea. If anything, at least it got the tears out of the way beforehand. The first time I sent him off, I teared at the gate; the second time, we were at the airport quite early, and we teared while waiting; but this time, at least the next day wasn't so emotional lol But yeah, Kimi no Na Wa did not go easy on my nose, or my eyes.

The next day, again, woke up a little late, but we still managed to walk out to the Grandstand for lunch and come home in time to get to the airport. We did most of the packing before going out to get burgers, which I really wanted Hans to try. He liked them - but because of the small size and high price they were at, he did not approve in the end. I mean I can understand, but like boi you tasting the good stuff right there. We were also hoping to get some ice-cream, but they were closed ono So we just headed home to stuff everything in his bags: snacks that his aunt wanted, the thickeners that his dad needed, small cheapo plastic umbrellas and a laundry basket from Daiso, his new shoes. Now that I think about it, I don't know how he managed to fit everything in, but he did it.

Just as we were finishing up and about to head out, my mum came home early from work 'cos she wasn't feeling well. She offered us a lift to the station, and we took the train down to the airport. Not much happened there, except that terminal one has some new check-in system. But after all that was done, and Hans had eaten his fill of kaya toast and cheese fries one last time, I sent him off to the immigration gates. Not gonna lie, as saw him walk away, I did tear a bit ;; There goes mah boi...

I guess all there's left to do, is find myself a job and earn some money, so I can visit him instead. I was thinking that it was possible to do a summer exchange in UBC, but most of the mods that overlap are 1. year 3/4 mods, and 2. environmental, which is not really what I want to do. But oh well, still got to earn my money first. Hopefully I can c:

When The Moon Hits The Eye

... like a big pizza pie, that's amore~

Just came back from Italy a few days ago, and I'm still jet-lagged ugh I've been going to bed at like 3 in the morning the past few nights, and waking up at around 12 noon. Anyway, I think I enjoyed myself during the trip c: It's the first trip we've had in a long time as a family - or well, what's most of the family and some extra: my parents, sister and her fiance, and my second brother with his girlfriend. (My first bro just got his job not too long ago, so I guess he didn't want to impose and go on holiday after being there for about a month.)

Day 0: The Flights from Hell; Saturday Night Fever

Just a week before we were leaving, I fell sick. I don't know what with, but my nose was pretty stuffed, and it was evident to the people I spoke to on the day of my last paper. On the day we were leaving, at least I could breathe through my nose unassisted, and you'd think that I'd be fine on the plane, right? No. Please don't fly when your nose is blocked. Usually my ears don't get blocked when I fly, but for some reason it did during the descents. And what made it worse was that we had a transfer flight, so my ear had a fun time suffering.

Also, since the flights were going to be so long (8 hours to Doha, 5 hours from Doha to Rome), I was trying to look for some scientific articles I could write about, for the AsianScienctist writing competition. Sadly, I came up with nothing ono Then I thought about bringing my Indo stuff along so that I could revise them. I thought erasing all the stuff inside and redoing them would be great, but trying to erase everything the night before you leave is not a good idea lol orz In the end, I managed to find two books at the bookstore at the airport: A Little History of Science, which talks about Western science as it develops, and Lab Girl, a memoir of a female scientist. Knowing my recent history with books (never read to completion lol) I didn't expect myself to actually read them - on the plane even! - but I did. I even read when I had some free time during the trip, if I wasn't trying to finish my watch later queue on youtube lol So yeah, it's pretty easy to read, which I appreciate c:

Even though the flights were 8 and 5 hours long, I think time went by quite quickly. I didn't watch that many movies, just the live-action film of Your Lie in April, and In This Corner of the World - and omg did the second one kill me. (Please watch In This Corner of the World it's really good and I like the music and I like Shusaku and there's this one moment where you can audibly hear my heart break it's a good movie) Otherwise, I was watching Flight of the Conchords, or The Amazing World of Gumball lol

By the time we reached the airport near Rome, it was later than we expected, since our first flight was delayed and we were rushed to the second. My sister booked us an apartment-like hotel in central Rome, where there were so many small lanes lined with restaurant tables. I don't know how our driver managed to send us to our place without hitting anything. Apparently you need a special licence to drive in those lanes, so I guess he earned it!

My sister got herself her own room, so the rest of us stayed in the apartment. Our place had a living room and only two rooms, one upstairs, and one in the basement - with no doors. Like the stairs just led to the bed upstairs, and downstairs, the shower area had no door. (The toilet did, but not the shower like wat.) With two people in each room, the last person was to be delegated to the foldable sofa bed about 1.5 times the size of mine. I was supposed to be that person, but my dad offered to sacrifice himself and take my place. (Although to be honest, after I discovered that the basement room didn't have a very good wi-fi connection, I would've switched with him LOL)

I pity father, because the first night was a Saturday night, when people filled the restaurants right at our doorstep, drinking and singing. Needless to say, he didn't sleep too good. Being downstairs might have offered a little more respite, but you could still hear people and cars that drove past on the cobbled roads. (sorry, dad ;w;)

Day 1: Rome-ing Around

It was a Sunday, so after breakfast on our own, our first stop was church lol I know I've already been on two European church pilgrimages, but I didn't expect the smaller, "normal" churches to have the same sort of grandeur and decorations on the inside. We went to Chiesa Nuova (according to google it's also known as Santa maria in Vallicella), and that was the first time I attended mass in Italian. We could still follow along since all the readings and mass structure are standardised, but I feel bad because I forgot the English version of some parts ;w; orz

It was really pretty inside though, you could see the sunlight streaming in from one of the windows up top, and it filtered just in front of the altar. And for the first time in awhile, I felt at peace and somehow energised. I felt very present, which is a nice, comforting feeling to know that I still exist, I can consciously experience things, and I'm not just living day to day (although I actually am right now sshhhh)

We were supposed to go on a walking tour, but because we couldn't get there in time after mass, we couldn't go. Luckily, the place that we stayed at was pretty central, so we managed to visit most things. Just in the first day, we went to Piazza Navona, where we saw the church of St Agnes, and two fountains (with some nicely sculpted butts), Trevi fountain, the Pantheon (we didn't go in because the lines were crazy omg), and the Spanish steps. While there, we went to visit the Da Vinci museum, because why not. (And at least I was familiar with some things since they were mentioned in the book I was reading lel) Then we moved on to Piazza di Popolo, and walked along the river Tiber, and saw Castel Sant'Angelo, but again, the lines were pretty long and we weren't gonna stay in line in the sun. We did see the St Peter's Basilica from afar, though lol Along the way home, my mum saw a sign that pointed to a church that held the relics of Padre Pio, so we went there too lol

Church of St Agnes

Apparently there are a lot of obelisks around the city, because they signify landmarks nearby. I learned that in the Rome Museum lol

Trevi Fountain

Spanish steps, which was horrendously crowded with tourists :/

If my dad's router internet was more stable, I could've hatched an egg with all that walking omg

Day 2: Only Here for the Pizza

(side note before going on with the day: I don't know if it's like this all over Italy, but during breakfast, I asked for hot chocolate (since I don't drink coffee) and what I got? was not? hot chocolate? Like it was so thick, it felt so fudgy, like I was drinking batter.)

We had most of the day free to ourselves, since our food tour was only at night, so we did more sightseeing. We went to see Vittorio Emanuele II's monument, the old Roman market place opposite it (it's not functional, they're just a historical site lol) and finally to the Colosseum, in the hot hot sun. Even though it was a Monday and not a holiday, we still had to queue pretty long for tickets and an video guide of the place. There was an exhibition that displayed some of the stuff excavated from the site, before we got the chance to see the actual arena from the inside. It was okay I guess lol I mean I like history and all, but ancient history was always kinda boring for me. Also it was pretty hot and too many people around, after awhile it got on my nerves. Little did I know that I would be annoyed pretty soon...

Vittorio Emanuele II is that you

I actually thought when my dad said we were going to an ancient market, that people would still be using it, but I guess not ono

ah yes, my attempt at an artistic shot

did u kno that they would cover the arena floor with sand to absorb the blood from the brutal shows? ouo

Please: when buying things from people on the street, pay exact change.

While on our way out, we decided to get some water, and technically it wasn't hard to find it, since there are people like, literally holding out bottles of iced water right in your face everywhere outside lol Since we overheard that most of them were selling for 1 euro, my mum took out a 2 euro coin - and I knew that wasn't a good idea, but I didn't say anything because I thought she knew what was doing. Anyway, when she held it out for the dude, he straight up took it and just handed us a bottle, and my mum was like "what!! I thought it was one euro?" and the dude is like "no, it's 2." I should've known :/ Anyway, she got pretty annoyed by that, and by extension, I got pretty upset too lol orz

After that, when my mum (and I) were a little more settled after having lunch, we went to Basilica of St. Mary Maggiore, at the request of my mum, and also to show Sam's fiance what a basilica is like lol And let me tell you, the inside is huge. My neck hurt just trying to look at the ceiling long enough to see all the details in the frescoes. Even the separate chapels by the side have their own paintings, and at the altar, the ceiling seemed to stretch on forever, with the dome so high up.

Basilica of St Mary Maggiore

Honestly I wish I had a better picture to capture everything inside, but really old churches don't have the best lighting lol orz

From there though, it was a pretty difficult to walk home. Since it wasn't a straight road back, we had to walk uphill and downhill multiple times, so that was pretty tiring... But at least that meant we would have plenty of space for the food tour that night (whole seven course, man.)

I don't remember exactly where we went to during the food tour, but we went most places by foot, so they were all pretty close to each other. And since it wasn't a private tour with a local tour guide (you had to book for it first) we were joined by a retired Australian couple. I think it was a little awkward for them, since there's seven of us and only two of them. When they were seated opposite my parents, things are still okay, but when they were seated with me, don't expect me to say anything first lol (I'd love to talk though, just that I never have any formed thoughts with strangers around and I'm not involved)

The first place we ate at was the meeting place, where we kinda served appetiser stuff, like cheese with honey, cheesy polenta, ham, and either red or white wine. (I didn't drink any wine, so I just had water lel orz) Then we walked to the Jewish ghetto, where were given double-fried artichoke (my vegetables for the night LOL), which is traditional in the area. It kinda felt like eating very thin chips that didn't taste starchy. Surprisingly, eating a whole artichoke is quite filling lol

The Jewish ghetto was quite interesting, since I didn't really expect it here. The ghetto had specific entrance points (I can't remember why), and if Jews were outside, they had to reach these gates before the curfew. I think the most interesting thing was, in memory of the Jews post-World War II, these golden "cobble stones" were embedded in the street, outside people's doorways, and they had the names of the original people living in the house. These stones were known as stumbling stones because they were slightly higher than the street itself, so when people walked over them, they'd look down and see the name of those who lived there.

We were brought to a bakery that sold pizza!! (Too bad the tour guide didn't notice my "only here for the pizza" shirt ono) Like most of the pizzas in Rome, it was thin crust, cheesy, and so easy to eat omg Everyone had a beer, so the tour guide offered me Italian soda instead, which is surprisingly not very gassy, so I could finish it pretty quickly.

After that, we headed to a pretty old restaurant, which was built on the ruins of Theater of Pompey - where Caesar was killed. We sat underground, where the walls and column were original - and you could tell it was pretty ancient, 'cos sometimes the lights would flicker and go out, and then come back on again lol It was here where we had too much food: baked eggplant, pasta, two types of soup, clams and mussels, and of course even more wine lol I don't know how, but we managed to finish almost everything - and we had three more stops to go!

Now was time for desserts! There was a dessert place that specialised in tiramisu nearby, and their original has only three ingredients: mascarpone, sugar, and eggs. Like??? How??? But they sold variations of it, like those with some alcohol, strawberries, or extra chocolate. I got the strawberries one, and they were so generous with it. (I was trying to fit a whole strawberry into my mouth, and as I did, I suddenly locked eyes with the tour guide. Paiseh, but he smiled back, taking it as me enjoying myself LOL)

When our tour guide served mine to me, I took out my phone and he was like, oh, you want a picture for instagram? And he happily obliged to keep it still so I could take a pic lol (unfortunately that shot wasn't good, my bad lol orz)

As we were nearing the end, we were headed back towards Piazza Navona. Here, our tour guide talked to us about the piazza itself. It actually has another name, because it was built to be a running track to encourage sports during that period of time. As for the fountains, there are rumours that the rivalry between two sculptors, Bernini and Borromi, can be seen in them too, like how one of the sculpted men turns away from it. Supposedly, St Agnes on top of the church doesn't look directly at it either, looking away from it out of disgust too lol

Nearby, was a cafe, where they only make coffee in a percolator, and insist that people don't add sugar to their cups since they already add the right amount while boiling. Apparently in Italy, their cafe culture isn't the same like in France or other countries, where people can sit down for hours. Over here, they stand by the counter, down their coffee, and then they're off. If they wanted to sit down and chit chat, they have to pay extra. Last stop was gelato, at a place that specialised in chocolate and chocolate flavours. By this point, everyone had eaten so much, that my siblings had the audacity to throw unfinished gelato away?? If only I had the ability to finish it for them, but even I was getting full too ono But at least I slept pretty well that night c:

I don't think this is the exact route that we took, but close enough lol

Day 3: I'm Blue Da Ba Dee

We were going to Positano in the later half of the day, so we had the morning to ourselves. My dad didn't want to go out, so my mum and I headed to the Rome Museum, since we didn't really have anything else to do lol I think it would've been more interesting if he came along though, my mum and I went around kinda aimlessly :/ But it was either that or walking around places we've already been to, or shopping, so lol

Anyway, we had a taxi to fit all seven of us (and the luggage), and drove for three hours on the road. The roads along the Amalfi coast are really long and windy, and the cars go pretty close to the cliff edge. I guess it was a good thing that our driver grew up in one of the towns along the coast, so he knew what he was doing. There are even people who park along the road - when it's already either one lane or two lane - just because parking is expensive in the towns. According to our driver, it's because the towns are so small and space is limited, parking is really expensive, so most just park along the road and then walk lol

Our driver seems to have um, gotten around a lot (pun intended). He's driven actors and actresses, like Jennifer Aniston, Sacha Baron Cohen - and according to another driver later in the trip who works in the same taxi company, he's told everyone the same stories, his customers, the rest of the drivers, to the point that even they are tired of it lol And sometimes he would be scrolling through his phone to find photos he's taken with people, while he's driving around corners, and almost into other cars, like boi pls.

We were dropped off at a car park, where they have lifts to send luggage bags down, straight to each hotel. That may seem fancy and all, but really, when you have to climb up and down hundreds of steps just to reach the main road or the beach, no one's gonna be dumb enough to carry a heavy suitcase. The lift was only for the bags and the porter guys, so we took the stairs lol And omg even from up above, you could see how deep blue and shimmery the water was!! We also met a little cat hiding in the grass along the way! (Later I learned that it belonged to the old man running the hotel my bro + gf were staying at! Sigh)

we were staying right at the beach! I never actually went all the way out though lol orz wasted

taking these stairs actually leads straight to the beach.

There was a path along the way to the main beach which follows the curve of the cliffs, so you could look down and see the sea!

Our hotel was like a separate little beach, away from the main one that had all the souvenir stores, restaurants, and more expensive hotels lol So it was nice to have a small area away from where most people were. Unfortunately, my bro and his girlfriend were staying in a different hotel - one which was further up and actually along the way when we were walking down - but all the bags were sent to our hotel. So, they had to carry their stuff up. Apart from that, it was nice to be able to hear the sea form our room c: But that also meant we could hear most things that happen on the beach, like there was some guy who played Latin dance music from downstairs, and my parents were so annoyed by it? I'm like lol chill it's not like it's gonna play forever, and I actually quite liked it, but I don't know man, maybe they were just being old :/

That night, my dad, sister, her fiancee, and I went to walk around. There was a path that led to the main beach, so we went to explore there for a bit. There were quite a lot of restaurants, some of which seem pretty popular and famous. There was one in particular, Chez Black, which apparently has been visited by so many famous people, they even have a wall full of photo frames of them. I suppose it is their pride and joy lol There were also plenty of stores, and some boat services that offered trips to Capri, other towns along the coast, or just going around the coast. My dad wanted to try and find out how to get up to the main road, 'cos we were going to have wine tasting and dinner at one of the restaurants up above, but we had no idea how to even get up there.

We had dinner at the hotel restaurant since my mum wasn't feeling very good, and I don't think my bro + gf were feeling up to the challenge of walking all the way to the main beach, and then walking back up to their hotel after they had to carry their bags. But even so, once we were filled, we went down to the main beach anyway lol

Day 4: Wine-y Child

We headed down to the main beach, since my mum and I were tasked with booking a boat to go to Capri. We managed to find a company that did a small group (12 people) for a guided trip around Capri, for about 70 euros per person. They would show us around the island's grottos, and natural landmarks, and even let us land on the island to walk around (and do more shopping lol) All we had to do was put in a deposit of part of the cost, and we were set c: After that, my dad came down walk around with us - and the shopping begins lol

There were stores at the beach itself, but most things were along the uphill path that led to the main street. From there, there were still some touristy stores, but they mostly sold specialty items, rather than mass produced kind of stuff.

So first, the beach itself mostly had clothing stores with white, airy clothes, shoe shops selling plenty of sandals, and a store with beach essentials. Further up, there was a store in a corner that sold ceramic tables and chairs, and apparently they shipped internationally. My mum actually sat down with the lady to talk about it. She didn't buy anything, but she was asking more for my sis in case she wanted anything for her new house lol.

met this little cute doggo while walking up heheh

Just a few steps away, was the church of the town, I think. It wasn't grand at all (as expected of a local church lol), and it seemed like they were doing some renovations or construction work outside. Inside, it was pretty small too, with appliances lining the sides collecting dust, and some paintings covered with cloths. Even though it seemed like it was in mid-clean up, it still had its own beauty c: It, with its domed top, appears quite frequently in people's paintings and artwork of Positano, so it still is a landmark of its own.

Church of Santa Maria Assunta

Along the climb up, there were some makeshift "stalls" (well they weren't really stalls, more like foldable tables with the sellers sitting by the side lol)  filled with jewelry, small art pieces, and some knick-knacks. (There was one with postcards and little prints that I liked, buy whoever was selling them wasn't around, so we left that for later.) Surprisingly, there were also many art galleries. Like, in all places, why would people buy art here lol One of the galleries had realistic paintings of carnations, and also had a huge piece made from what I think is painted glass shards, but done like a mosaic. I have no idea what the material was, but it was such a rich purple and teal that you can't help but be drawn into it. The gallery even had a rooftop where they had even more artwork.

how do they keep them when it rains???

Also, for some reason, there were plenty of people getting their wedding photos done here. Like you see brides carrying their trains in their arms, walking past people in what is essentially a one-way path used two ways, going downhill in heels. Like damn gurl, you get those pictures.

So the uphill stretch was like where most of the touristy shopping happened, so many stores sold things like ceramic ware, ocean-themed things, clothes, and lemons. Lots. Of. Lemons. Like, if it wasn't lemon-scented soaps or candles, it would be limoncello, or even lemon-themed ceramics. There was one store that sold everything lemon: they had lemon soaps of varying sizes and shapes (either in bars, lemon slices, or literal lemon shapes), lemon-themed tablecloths and table runners, and even lemon jam and lemon honey. There was a hugeass burning lemon-scented candle at the entrance, like just one look and you know what you're in for. I bought soaps for some people, and my mum bought jam and honey for my bro, since he likes eating that kind of stuff with his yoghurt.

At one point, we reached a little grocery store that sold fresh fruits and vegetables (with hugeass lemons!!), and cured meats inside, and other food necessities. At this corner, there was a staircase that led upwards, so we assumed it would lead to the main road. We went up, and were greeted with even more shops lol but they looked less touristy, and sold a greater variety of things. While my dad went down the road to try and find the restaurant we were to go later that evening, my mum and I looked at more ceramic lol There was one store that sold plates, mugs, little dish bowls, utensils, house numbers, and decorations, all out of ceramic. Like you could buy a ceramic octopus and stick it on your wall lol

The actual main street was nicer to walk along, 'cos there were fewer people, and you could buy products that were actual specialties of the region, and not just made to cater to tourists. My dad managed to find the restaurant, so after that was settled, we headed down and rested up for a couple of hours, before heading back up for dinner lol orz

kitty we saw while passing through the main beach to get back!!

We had to climb all the way back up to the main road, and even further uphill, just to get to the restaurant orz And even though the view of the sea from high up above was really clear and breathtaking, I have learned, that if you get me riled up, antsy, and annoyed by doing a steep climb, I ain't gonna appreciate shiz lol (Refer to Sabah: we went to climb a steep hill with no paths, just mud from the rain that happened the night before, to see the sunrise or something like that, and I did not enjoy myself once we were up there lol)

Anyway, it was going to be only five of us tasting wine, my parents, my bro, his girlfriend, and me. Well, technically I shouldn't be included, since I don't like the taste of alcohol at all, but since I had nowhere else to go and we were going to have dinner there too, I had to tag along anyway.

The sommelier dude prepared three wines for us, one white and two reds, from the local vineyards in the Amalfi region. He talked us through the things that we should look for when tasting wine. You swirl by holding the stem of the glass (holding the bulb bit will just heat up the wine), and you watch how the wine trickles down the inner side. If the drops are more and close together, it means a higher alcohol content. Then you stick your nose in and smell lol And then you taste, and let it aerate in your mouth a little before swallowing. Even then it can be different: is it acidic/tannic; is it fruity, oaky, floral, mineral-y; aftertaste, and where you feel it in your mouth. Sometimes what you smell is what you taste, but since taste includes the acidity and how smoothly it goes down, you don't always taste what you smell.

I know, listening to all of that sounds really obscure and pulled out of thin air, but that's what tasting is like lol Like no duh you can taste what's sweet, sour, salty, but different foods have specific tastes, and you won't know until you've tasted it. Like when I was brushing my teeth and gargling, I noticed that the water tasted kinda salty, but not quite like the sea. And my dad agreed, thinking that it might be calcium up in the mountains or something, and said that now I know what mineral tastes like LOL

Most of the time, the tastes you get from the wine correlates with what goes on the vineyard. If the grapes are grown in volcanic soil (like in Positano), then the wine has some minerality; if you taste oak or wood, it's because the vineyard used oak barrels or oak chips during fermentation; even the grape varieties produce different shades (not just stark red and white), acidity, and viscosity.

Apart from that, sometimes the qualities of the wine changes when you eat something with it, thanks to chemistry lol It's also the reason why wines pair with certain foods. Reds are more acidic and tannic, so you always eat it with something fatty or meaty, to balance and neutralise the strength of the red; whites are lighter, so in order to balance, you don't eat it with something overpowering, otherwise you can't taste the wine.

All that being said, I did end up trying some of it, just not whole glasses. The sommelier brought me a baby wine glass to try the white, and I did feel some of the things he described, like how you taste it more in the back than at the front. Then I tried the red, but that shiz too acidic for me man, and that's how red should taste like LOL But I think they were pretty smooth, because I didn't feel as much of a burn in my throat. But yeah, even from the baby glass, I only had one sip, I didn't dare go back for more LOL

While we're on alcohol: one day, my mum and I tried this thing called a baba, which is like cake soaked in syrup and rum, and omg it was so strong, that whenever I burped I could taste it. Later that night during dinner, we had dessert, and again, it had rum in it. No doubt, I know what rum tastes like now - and it's horrible.

This isn't the baba thing, it's chocolate lava cake lol I would've taken more pictures of dinner, but I didn't have any good shots :/

Day 5: I'm Walking With Gods, Ooooh Nooooo

Haha oh boy, the day of reckoning has come. My dad booked us a hiking trip with a guide, and I thought I would be fine with it, as long as it wasn't like Chiang Mai all over again lol (cue war flashbacks) And since it's a trail that many tourists can do on their own, it seemed easy enough to do.

Out guide was pretty chill, but she wasn't going to be too lax about the hike: she made sure that all of us had proper walking shoes (she even told my mum and my bro to go change), she asked us if anyone has vertigo, and reminded us to always watch where we're going. But knowing her, and how she's grown up in the hills, hiking for most of her life, I trust her to know best. (She even joked that she was a goat in a past life, since hiking and being in the mountains was so natural for her lol)

She's told us stories of accidents, like an 80-year-old lady, who went hiking with her with broken ribs. She had a nasty fall during her hiking trip the previous day, but her hiking guide (who blatantly disregarded her health and safety) said that she would be fine and could go for her hike the next day, with our guide. Halfway through her second hike, she started vomiting and feeling unwell, so she and our guide spent half a day, getting through a hike which should have taken 3 hours, to reach the end where she could get medical attention. She later discovered that she broke her ribs the day before, and she never worked with that hiking guide ever again.

Anyway, there was an hour-long ride towards the other end of the Amalfi coast, where the start point is. It wasn't very high up, but our journey was going to mostly be heading downwards. That sounds okay, like let gravity do the work, right? No. If you've been hiking before, getting up is a choice, getting down is a must, and boy, is it harder.

The initial part was okay, walking through some fields, still on concrete and asphalt, some uphill and downhill parts, no biggie. We could still stroll, as our guide shared with us some wildflowers and plants native to Italy, like wild rosemary and thyme, and really tiny orchids (the naked men!! and angels), which were like, 2 cm in length. You can see other people standing on terraced land with their guide, telling them about the buildings and secret hideouts that people had made in the past. We walked past what was supposed to be a monastery, made completely out of stone, and little rooms made from caves and cliff walls.

We did reach one part though, which was pretty overwhelming for me. It was a steep climb up a rock cliff, like climbing up stairs, but with no railings, all the steps are uneven at about knee height, and when people tell you not to be the last one at the back, like haha boi that pressures you into trying to get up quickly, but my brain can't work that fast trying to find the next step when you can't see the people in front of you. By the time I reached the top, I was crying lol and shit man, I don't want to go through something that stressful again. Even typing it out is making me panic omg whymustthishappentome

I was put in front with our guide, so that she could help me, and since she knows where's the best place to put your footing, I would have an easier time following her instead. So things were going okay, there wasn't anything particularly as hard as that stupid wall. There were a few paths with soft, dusty soil which is harder to grip, some more stony steps up and down, but at least I wasn't as anxious anymore. Some other things that happened along the way, was a herd of mountain goats, with their bells ringing as we walked past, a mountain lion a sunbathing cat in the middle of nowhere lol, and walking through rainforests lol

I swear, this cat was the only thing during the whole trip that gave me some respite from my anxiety

Soon, we reached the end in one of the smaller towns, where we ate some fresh local food that our guide had packed for us, like tomatoes on the vine, fresh cheese and bread, salami, all the good stuff. We were supposed to eat it like a picnic halfway through the trip, but the one park bench that they had, apparently got destroyed by someone throwing a huge boulder on top of it, so um, that was ruined. Our guide left us there because she was tasked with checking out another hiking path before her actual hike the next day, so she led us to the bus stop which would take us back down to Positano.

Now the bus trip is a totally different story. If you think the NUS shuttle buses are bad, wait until you get onto the buses in Amalfi lol With the roads being practically one lane for two-way traffic, the buses get packed real quickly, because unless you have a car or willing to walk, there is no other way to get from one town or the other. While passing through one of the towns, oncoming traffic couldn't get through, so our bus driver left and went out to shift the parked motorcycle that was blocking the way, before coming back in and carrying on like it was normal business lol Which, I suppose it was, considering how narrow the streets are. Somehow, we managed to get off at our stop, (with the doors almost closing on us) and took the stairs down to our hotel.

Later at night, we went to eat dinner at Chez Black, since my sister was treating. It was pretty good, I had a huge plate of seafood risotto, which was so easy to eat, that I finished the whole thing by myself. Usually, risottos can start to feel heavy after like ten spoons, and then I get sick of it. I'll still eat it though, 'cos cannot waste food, but even so, I still really like risotto lol During dinner, there was a local music group that started playing and taking requests, with a guy coming round collecting donations. Apparently they were trying to raise funds to either rebuild or buy a new fishing boat, so they could go out to sea again. I guess you could call them, a Band of Fishermen.

Day 6: No Capri Sun

On the day we were supposed to go to Capri, the seas did not permit us to, which was pretty disappointing for my mum, because the previous time she went to Italy on a church pilgrimage, the seas were also bad, so they couldn't go out to the island. It was expected though, since the seas were already crazy since the day before. Like when my mum and I went back to the main beach (to do more shopping lel), waves were crashing heavily against the cliffs, huge sprays of seawater would reach the uphill path we took, and people at the dock were drenched. No one could go out to sea. Even though the waters at the coast looked pretty calm and better than the previous night, the waters at Capri were not, so we weren't allowed to go.

However, the boating company said that if the coastal waters calmed down a little more, they could give us a ride around, so we did c: And since it was only us, we had the whole boat to ourselves!!

Being on a boat reminded me how much I really love being on the water. Even though getting onto the boat was the tricky bit, once you feel the breeze in your hair as the boat zooms away, like yes this is what I live for. You could actually sit in the front, where there are thin mattresses to lounge on, but I stayed at the back for the first half of the trip though, 'cos I didn't dare stand up and walk to the front while the boat was moving lol orz  (Also there was a p cute guy who was training under our boat captain heheh)

Unfortunately, it was kinda hazy that day, so I couldn't take great shots, but what I did see, was pretty amazing. You could actually see the rock formation of the cliffs, like some walls were obviously stratified, the layers almost parallel to each other. Most of the time, I had to remind myself that I was actually there, looking at the coast in person, feeling the breeze on my skin, being sprayed with ocean water. (Can you tell I really enjoy being out on the water lol)

They showed us the various small towns that lined the coastline, and some landmarks, like a centuries-old watch tower that was used to look out for pirates, a gaping cave in the cliff wall, a natural arch that formed due to years and years of erosion, and various small grottos that we couldn't visit because the tide wasn't low enough for us to enter. And they broke out the complementary prosecco for us to drink lol Since I didn't have a glass of my own to cheers with, our boat captain just asked me to fist bump his cup? I guess it was nice he didn't want to leave me out lol

After a couple of hours, we reached the end of the coast, so we turned back to one of the towns where they had a small beach restaurant, hidden away among fishing boats, with only a narrow flight of steps that led up to some semblance of civilisation. The boat had to be parked quite a way from the shore, since it was too big, before a smaller, simpler motorboat came round to pick us up and send us to the small makeshift dock.

Lunch was so good. I think they had the best calamari I've ever had: the batter was so light, and the squid was small and so fresh that it was easy to eat omg They also fed us really well with complementary sardines, bruschetta, all the good stuff. It's fascinating though, to eat at a restaurant that is pretty much only accessible by boat, makes it feel more exclusive and magical lol

But soon we had to head back, unfortunately ono This time, pretty much all of us sat in front (except my dad, who apparently did so 'cos all of our belongings are there lol) and enjoyed the breeze and the waves. It was kinda sad that the ride back was shorter, I wish I had a chance to enjoy the breeze longer.

Enjoy my hazy Positano landscape photo lol

When we got back, my mum wanted to look for a new pair of shoes, and my dad wanted to too, so we all headed to one of the shoe stores we walked past one of the previous days. To be honest, just thinking about the place makes me feel disappointed all over again lol They had a pair of flats with thick soles that I really liked (and they were in dark blue!) so I asked if they had it in my size. Well, they did, but not the same colour. I tried it on anyway, and was so heartbroken 'cos it fit but it beige like who wears beige shoes and look barefoot I'm cry

They had other flats in a similar style and colour, but unfortunately they were still a size too big. By this point, I was really upset, that even the shop owner could tell. Although, what really upset me was when I could hear my mum whisper to him to bring me a pair of shoes - that I specifically did not want!! - and that I'll "like it when I try it on". When I heard her, I clearly told her no, but the dude was kind enough to do so anyway. And man, I feel bad for him to have to deal with me lol The shoes fit, but damn man, that made me feel so disappointed that they had to be the ones I didn't want.

I don't know why I felt that way, though. Maybe in reality I really wanted the original pair of shoes, when I thought I didn't and was fine without them. But yeah I'm sad, could have gotten the perfect shoes, and I didn't want to settle LOL (tbh even the cat shoes I recently got was sort of me settling, since I got shoes that fit and looked cute, but not necessarily ones I were hoping for. I still like them though, don't get me wrong lol)

Day 7: How Am I Gonna Be An Optimist About This

On the last day, we booked out early and went to find lunch on our own. It is a little hard to find lunch at 11.00 am though, since most restaurant kitchens start service at 11.30. But since we needed to catch our booked taxi and head over to Pompeii, we just ate at one of the restaurants along the steep main road and ate their appetisers lol After that, we headed to where the luggage lift was, to wait for the taxi with our bags.

This time, we had a different driver, but the same company - so he knew who our previous driver was. He told us how the dude wold tell everyone in the company his stories - and how he thinks that they're absolute bullpoop lol Even though he didn't appear to be as talkative, he certainly was a lot more entertaining, like how he once drove a Spanish family around, but spoke to them in Italian since they still understood each other perfectly, or how he drove a bus full of old Catholic ladies, who drove him insane with their chanting to the point he wanted to drive the bus off the road, or his experience with bad Indian food in England.

My dad booked for a guided tour in the Pompeii ruins, since it was along the way to the airport. Over there, we met up with our tour guide, who studied artifact preservation and had to go through arduous testing before becoming an official tour guide. Like he didn't just need to know about Pompeii, he had to know almost everything historical in Italy, like the churches and cathedrals, or other ancient ruins and places of interest.

Anyway, he showed us most of the interesting places, on the Eastern side I think, the wall that used to separate the city from the sea. We visited the square that held the bank and market, the public baths (that had cold, lukewarm, and hot) with their mosaic floors and walls, and sometimes coloured frescoes, ye olde fast food restaurants, the modern fast food restaurant, bakeries, rich people's estates, and lupenare, the brothels.

He shared with us little bits of history, like how there was a public sink in the bath made with gold, that was given as a gift from some political candidates in an effort to win the people over, or the double walls with space in between that allowed water pipes to run through the baths unseen, and 3-dimensional paintings when there was little understanding of geometry and perspective.

Some other notable things were like the plaster casts from the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, the stones that were kinda like road crossings, but were really there to prevent carriages from entering certain sections, the water fountains that had individual symbols and carvings so people could identify them. One of the fountains were still functional - with new pipes, of course. (If it wasn't the dust from the explosion that killed the people, it would've been lead poisoning from their water pipes.) Most interesting of all, were the dicks in walls and on the ground that - surprise, surprise - pointed to the brothel. (Probably was a missed opportunity to not take pictures of them, but hey, I don't want no dick pics in my phone.)

After that, we headed back to the airport to fly back home :/ It was little disappointing that our trip was only six, seven days long. If you want to go to Italy, you really need to spend longer there to fully explore the place. But my dad said we can go there again one day and explore more of the north, like Milan. I think what I miss the most is how fresh the food is and how enjoyable and easy it is to eat. I also like the breeze, even though it did get chilly at times.

Also it took me like a month on and off to try and finish writing this so I hope you enjoyed reading 8000+ words of my ramblings lol time for me to sleep goodnight